Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tomorrow i am going to finish laundry and clean the living room and dinning room. So much to do and so little daylight. I hate it that it gets dark at 5 now. It makes me so tired. I just want to sleep. Its dark it should be bed time (and my kids agree which is odd). Now i have to force my kids to stay awake when it is dark out and the force them to go to bed because i have made them stay up way past their biological ticking tells them to.
I haven't done a lot of Christmas shopping yet. My aunt bought the kids an easel and a bunch of art supplies (from Santa) and then she is also sending more stuff from them up with a cousin. We so far have got the kids a bunch of books, one lap top (kiddo kind) for each of them, and a race track that comes with 2 hummers and 2 controllers so they can race each other around the track. We want to get them a new toy box and some other small things. My brother is giving us two brand new cars (the big ones that the kids drive) that his kids only ended up using like one time. Those will be our big present to the kids this year. I feel bad because we didn't buy them but they are like brand new and i don't think they actually will care. We do however have to buy new chargers and batteries for them. They will get a ton of stuff from everyone else though so i think they will have a good Christmas.
I just am excited to get the tree up. Christmas is my favorite holiday and i love the lights and sparkling balls on trees. I know this isn't what Christmas is about but it sure adds a nice touch right lol. This year we are reading both the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we will read about the birth of baby Jesus. My kids love a good book and if it is something that can teach them than i am all for it.
So what is your favorite part of Christmas? I have too many but i think just being with family and the feeling that it gives me inside.
Friday, November 28, 2008
The reason i chose to blog about Black Friday when i didn't even go shopping is the pure chaos of it. I, as most probably have by now, watched on the news as they talked about the Wal-Mart shoppers in Long Island, New York who trampled a employee to death. They killed a person for the chance at a cheap deal! Excuse my use of language but what the fuck! Now i don't think these people intended to kill anyone but in the chaos of rushing to get that flat screen TV or toy for their child i have to wonder how many people say this person lying on the ground and just kept going to get their prize. And i wonder how they feel now knowing what happened. Was it worth it? Would your child have been sad if they didn't get that gift that you rushed in for? It makes me sad to know that this is how society is. We are so focused on the material items that we don't take account for helping another human being.
At a local Wal-Mart her in WV a old woman was pushed down and seriously injured by a man. Over what you may ask yourself? Well allow me to tell you...a blender! He pushed an old woman down with such force that she had to be taken to the hospital over a freaking blender! Now my brother and my dad both work in the meat department at Wal-Mart and they have seen their fair share of violence on Black Friday. Just last year my brother was called to the cooking section to help break up a fight where 2 women were fighting over a pasta pot. They both were holding on to the pot by both handles while beating each other (no this is not a joke) with a spatula and a whisk! Now i ask you was it really that good of a deal?
Since i have family who works at these stores i also get the low down on what is a good deal and what isn't. Did you know that a lot of these stores really are not giving you that much of a deal. For instance a store that i will not name advertised a special on a pan set for $49.99. Now this was only for Black Friday and no other day except for the fact that i was there 2 weeks ago and it was 49.99 then and i am pretty sure that has always been the price on it. I have noticed a lot of deals like this. They say "This item is on sale for one day and one day only" but in reality it is never marked down. It is left at its regular price but because we saw a piece of paper that said sale on it we had to have it. We jump at the chance to save a dollar even if it means we have to act like prehistoric humans hunting for the last Dino egg.
I for one stayed home today. I did some shopping online (which also offers these "Black Friday" sales) and got some nice gifts for my kids. I enjoyed cuddling with my babies and eating leftovers. I say if you want to go fight for a deal that might not be a deal more power to you but you will find me at home kicking off the Christmas season with a cup of hot cocoa and my kids. I prefer not to give or receive a black eye trying to save a buck.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
So you can imagine my happiness when i looked over at 5 Minutes for Mom and they are giving away a Sleep Number Bed! Seriously!!!!!!!! A queen sized special edition Sleep Number Bed! I can not contain myself. So if you want to know how you can sign up and possibly win this bed her over to 5 Minutes for Mom and check it out.
i don't think this is something you can really pass up. I mean even if you don't need a new bed i bet you know someone who does. Or if you win this one you can give your bed away to someone who needs it. I am just amazed that they are giving this HUGE prize away. So go check it out and sign up to win!
If you don't sign up to win then please pray that i win this cause i reeeeeally need it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I get kissed by the sun each morning
I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. Even when that means i am a not so great wife he still loves me. He is always there to pick me up when i am not feeling my best and he makes my heart smile when he gives me that look. Everyday i fall more and more in love with this man. He is a hard worker and would do what ever it took to make sure his family has what it needs. He always puts himself last and never ask questions. I don't know what i would do or be without him. He truly is my other half.
Then i have my first born son. I knew from the moment i saw him that my world would never be the same again. This child has more personality than i have ever seen in such a small body. He always is laughing and even when he is sick has a joke or a smile to give. We have our bad days and our good but that is because we are too much a like. He is a mini me if i could have ever imagined one. He is so smart and sweet. He loves to learn and loves to be active.
Then there is my baby. He is always grins and giggles but with a much more serious undertone. He is my strong and silent lil man. Just like his daddy, looks and all. My favorite thing about this precious lil boy is his love of cuddling. When i hurt my back last fall he loved crawling in the bed with me and cuddling for hours. He is a avid cars lover and loves nothing more than to roll his cars over any surface he can reach.
I cannot wait to see how these two little boys grow and develop. They are so intelligent and figure things out so quickly. They both know how to work mommy and daddy (and an entire room for that matter) to a T. These boys (all three of them) have made my life an amazing blessing. They love me and protect me and make me feel like a million dollars everyday. They are my world and i couldn't have ask for more. I have been given the blessing of a life time. I have a truly magical family of my own and through bad and good we love one another. What more could you want.
Monday, November 24, 2008
So i am suppose to be going to my sister's for a bit to work on a test run of her daughter's birthday cake but she hasnt called yet. I am tired as all get out! I need a good 24 hours of straight rest which will never ever ever happen. I am not as crappy feeling as i was the other day but i am still feeling kind of lost.
I hope everyone had a happy Monday!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
There seems to be a lot of death happening in my life. Ever time i turn around it seems that someone else has passed away and i just don't know how to deal with it. My mind doesn't comprehend death. I know that everyone says to trust in God and i do but i just don't understand his reasoning. I don't understand how making a mother suffer through a pregnancy knowing her baby will not live helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a mother from her 15 year old child helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a father from his 2 year old son helps anyone! I question these thing and at the same time i know there is a good reason behind it.
My heart and my head hurt right now. I am 22 years old and i have witnessed so much death. I know it is part of life and that is how it works. The minute we are born we start to die. I just don't know how to deal with it. My emotional growth and my ability to comprehend death stops at 15. I revert back into a shell and don't know what to say or do. I feel like i just want to sit in a corner and watch from afar. I don't like funerals or burials. Its not that i don't respect the process but it is hard to say goodbye even to those i didn't know very well. I have to learn...i have to grow...i have to get past this.
I know i need counseling. I do and i know it. I have for a long time. I never saw anyone after my mom died and that is also when i stopped taking the meds that i was on for prior depression. I know i need to talk to someone. I need to seek help. I am not suicidal or anything don't get me wrong i just need to vent. I need to scream at someone and let it all out. I am so tired of being the leaning post for everyone and me having no one to lean on myself. I get tired of having to lean on the same 2 people all the time as i know they are probably tired of it too. I feel like i could just snap and lose it sometimes. My head swims with thoughts and questions. Most of them surround death and my mother and why. I need to be fixed.
I know this is a very raw and emotional post. I hope no one gets scared and runs away lol. I just needed to vent it out on paper (well on screen lol) and get it all out of me before i burst. I feel a little better now but this feeling of heaviness on my chest just isn't letting up. You know that feeling when you are trying not to cry and it makes your chest feel tight and heavy...yea...thats it. I need a hot bubble bath, a cup of hot tea, and a good book...yea...that will help!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Ruby's life had a impact. She made me take time out of my day to thank God for my kids and to pray for her and her family. She made me smile with my kids more often and hug them more than normal. When they would ask mommy for something i gave in more than said no. Ruby touch my life. An anniversary will never pass that i do not think about this beautiful soul that touched me.
If you would like to send flowers to Ruby here is how:
Write a post on your blog and then head over to 5 Minutes for Special Needs and link up on Mr. Linky. I know that Kandy and her family will love to hear from you all. She is a very strong woman and Ruby was well loved by her family and many many others.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I just keep thinking about his little boy. His name is Joseph and they call him Jo Jo. I call him Cookie because when he was born, the first time i saw him i said, "He is so cute i could eat him in one bite like a cookie"! He had the sweetest little spot of brown hair on top his head that reminded me of one of those Hershey Kiss cookies. So i have called him Cookie ever since. He is such a Daddy's boy i hope he knows and will always know how much his Daddy loved him.
It makes me cry when i think about another baby growing up without his daddy. I wonder if he will be told what a good man his daddy was or if he will be left to wonder. I didn't know his mother too well and i don't know how good or bad his mom and dad got along. I just know that he deserved to grow up with his Daddy in his life and now he wont get to. It is sad but ultimately i know it was his time and God has a plan.
That in itself is very hard for me to admit. I was angry at God for a very long time after my Mom died. Like Drew my mom was a good person. She would have done anything for anyone and never thought twice about it. I remember thinking if their was a God why did he take the good people? Why did ones who did him justice, who proved that he was good have to be taken away? Why would he leave a 15 year old girl in this cruel world without the guidance of her mother? I remember thinking all of these things and more. I was angry for a long time and it wasn't until i had my first child that i came to peace with God and his plan. I realize that if i had not lost my mother my life would be so different. I would have never met my husband and i would have never given birth to these two beautiful boys. Sometimes i still ask God why but i think that my questions are rhetorical because i don't need to know why i just have to trust that it is the way things have to be in his plan. As hard as that is for me to accept.
So if you all can continue to pray for the family that is grieving the loss of a wonderful son, grandson, cousin, friend, nephew, father, and boyfriend. Pray for me that i may have the right words to comfort my husband and that God will help me deal with my emotions because only he knows that i am not good with this type of thing. Thank you all so very much!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
As a follow up from my post titled Prayer Request i thought i would let you know how my grandma's biopsy went. She had her biopsy yesterday morning and is back home feeling well. The procedure didn't go as smoothly as they had wished. My Grandma is allergic to a lot of medication (basically anything that ends with "cilin" and a lot of other stuff) and some of the anaesthetic they use in surgeries. The did the biopsy using a sonogram which ended up not turning out as clear as they has wished for. It made the procedure run long than expect but they did finally get a tissue sample. I am not sure if they were able to remove the whole mass as i had suggested in the previous post. Because the procedure ran long the anaesthetic they use (which was something different from what they would have normally used) started to wear off during the last 1/3 of the surgery and she was very uncomfortable but not in horrible pain. She went to lunch after wards being very very sore but other than that not feeling too bad. They will get the results from the biopsy next Tuesday! So if you could continue to pray for her (Her name is Chloe for those of you who like to have a name).
Also as an update from my post Not So Happy Day about the passing of my husband's cousin. We have since found out the whole story which as that insinuated there were different stories coming from different people. He did go to the ER and they did give him 2 shots and sent him home with pain pills. He also walked to the store and back before sitting down to watch TV and passing out onto the floor. What has come to light is that his girlfriend waited 20 minutes before calling 911 because she said she did not want to leave his side. I so understand panicking but if someone passes out and has no heart beat a normal person calls 911 immediately right? I mean i have my 3 year old trained to call 911 if something like that ever happens. If my 3 year old can do it i would think a 22 year old woman could do it. Anyways to move on from that they still don't know what happened. His mom requested an autopsy which was preformed Monday and we will have the results in 10 to 15 days. The viewing and funeral is on Friday and i am sure it is going to be a sad day for us all. Drew was loved by so many and as i said before he was such a kind person. My husband went and helped clean out his apartment yesterday and brought a lot of stuff home with him (cds, pictures, and video games) that Drew's mom told him he could keep if he wanted. He still isn't talking much about it but i know that he is hurting. So continued prayers for the whole family as we try to understand and deal with this devastating loss.
i think that is it for now. I am try to wrap my mind around all of this stuff and deal with emotions. I am not good with death and my emotional comprehension kind of halts at about 15 years old. I don't know how to deal with things pertaining to loss and i never have the right words. Sometimes i come across as cold or angry and i don't really know how to fix that. It is a kind of wall i have built after my mom died to not allow me to feel that kind of pain ever again. So please pray for me to have the words i need to help my husband through this time and be strong for him if he needs me to be.
Thanks everyone for the prayers!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
This is the first snow of the season and it is cold. Now i dont like cold weather at all but i love snow which presents a problems since it has to be cold to snow. Oh well it is beautiful and that is all i care about. It only lasted about 3 hours last night and melted mostly today. We had flurries all day but it didnt amount to anything even though it is like 29 degrees outside. I just am getting the feeling of Christmas now.
Monday, November 17, 2008
My hubby, myself, and my handsome boys!
My niece and nephew and my boys.
The Whole Gang! My brother, his wife, his kids, my hubby, myself, and our kids! If you think that is a lot of people you should see my husbands family pic (Hint: His mom has 6 children and 15 Grandkids)
Ok so the second set of pictures is of a cake i did for a friend. It isn't the best cake ever and it has a lot of blemishes. I still need some practise with this marshmallow fondant and some more tools in order to get a good professional look. It looks ok! I cant say i am 100% satisfied with it though!
So there it is for today. Cake and family pictures lol. Great right! (did you hear the sarcasm) I am so hard on myself but i think i need to be.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
My MIL called me and told me and then i waited till Marcus got home to tell him. I spent a good deal of the time between finding out and telling my husband worrying about how i would tell him. This is a very very close cousin. They were best friends and very close. It has not hit him yet and he said that it probably wont til the funeral.
I ask that you all pray for Drew's family and ours as we move through this horrific time. Drew was such a kind soul and would have never hurt anyone. He was always the first to ask if you needed anything and always the first to help. If the old saying is true that "the good die young" than he was one of the good. He was a loving soul mate and wonderful father. He worked hard and too care of his family the best he could.
I am hoping this will be a call to my husband and i to get our health together. We don't eat right by any means as much as we may try and we don't get nearly enough exercise. My husband looked at me last night and proclaimed that he didn't want anymore fried foods in our house and i agreed. It scares the bajeeshus out of me that at anytime i could lose the love of my life. We do not know God's plans for us and it is scary. So if you could please send out prayers for the whole family.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
hubby let me sleep till 10 and then woke me up with a cup of coffee fixed perfectly as always. When i walked into the living room and the rest of the house it was spotless (well except for the fact that the vacuum broke and he couldn't fix it). I got to spend a few hours just sitting around before we went to pick up Phabian from school and pick up his school pictures. Then we had to go do some shopping. He took me to Michael's where he let me buy some supplies for my upcoming cake order (yes i have my very first real money order due on Monday yay!!!). Then we went home where the kids took a nap and hubby and i cuddled and watched some weird movie that i don't even remember the name of.
Fast forward a few hours lol and we dropped the kids of at my MIL's house and we left for dinner. When we got to Outback there was a really long wait (ended up being an hour and 20 mins) because of a volleyball tournament but it was cool. We chilled outside, which was abnormally warm for being mid November, and talked. When we finally got seated we enjoyed a nice dinner and walked back to the car where my hubby told me he was going home and i was going out with Chelsie for awhile. So he dropped me off at her mom's and we ended up going out for awhile with other friends to get a few drinks.
When i got home we cuddled in bed for awhile and talked (wink wink) and then fell asleep in each others arms. I can't possibly imagine a more perfect day. My husband is one of the sweetest guys i know. He always makes plans for special days and on those days (Valentine's Day, My Birthday, both our Wedding Anniversary and our Dating Anniversary) he always caters to me. It is so nice to have a man who wants to take care of his wife on special occasions but what is really nice is having a husband who wants to take care of you everyday. He is truly the flame that lights my heart and i could never ask for anything more. I don't know what i would do without this man. So here is to 4 more years (and forever) of a happy loving marriage.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
- I want to sleep in at least til 10 with no interruptions. This means i want no kids busting in the room a million times to kiss me and jump on my head. I want complete uninterrupted sleep for a whole 8 hours.
- I would love to wake up to a clean house. It doesn't have to look like God came down from heaven and did it himself but i would like to not have to go and clean behind what you "missed".
- I want diner, either out at a nice restaurant or at home that YOU cooked, it really doesn't matter as long as i don't have to lift a finger to get it done. I want it to be just the two of us. One night where there are no screaming kids at the dinner table to interrupt the adult conversation. (and yes i expect to have adult conversation)
- I want to snuggle on the couch late at night and watch a movie. It doesn't have to be anything specific just a good movie that we can cuddle up and watch just you and me.
- Lastly, and i will not go into specifics, i want a good night "Kiss"! A good one not a short "peck" or two.
So i don't think i am asking for much. Most of the things above will and can cost way less than jewelry or anything else of the present nature. I mean it is free to clean the house, aside from the ridiculously high bills we pay! So there it is that is what i want for our anniversary. Short, simple, and sweet!
And just to indulge my own self here are some more pictures of our honeymoon!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
So today i spent 9 dollars and bought 5 bags of mini marshmallows and 3 bags of powdered sugar. I got luck and they were on sale at a local store. I got home and put a cake in the oven to cover with it. I bought a Betty Crocker Cake Pan set a long time ago that has all the different imprints. I chose to use the hearts and German chocolate cake. I melted the marshmallows, added the powdered sugar and poured it out on the greased table. I kneaded it like bread and ya know what.....it turned out great.
The first batch turned out so good that i went ahead an did a few more batch (it will keep in the fridge for up to two weeks) in pink, blue, and green. I got it on the cake and smoothed it out, trimmed it and although the design on top was not standing enough for the fondant to really work it did give it a pretty soft finish and it tastes much better than regular fondant.
This makes me wonder why in the heck don't more people use this instead of regular fondant. Fondant, if you buy it pre-made costs about $50 (give or take) for a 20lb container this stuff literally cost me less than 9 bucks for about 10 or more pounds of fondant. I had never heard of this till i stumbled upon the recipe. I am so happy i did cause in the long run it will save me a whole lot of money.
I would post pictures of the cake but it got cut and served before i even had a chance so oh well. It sure was yummy!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I met him for the first time through Chelsie back in December of 2003. At the time I was 17 and still in high school (yes i was a baby lol). He was working at Taco Bell which just so happened to be a daily stop for me and Chelsie. So every time we would go through the drive through he would flirt with me and i think i just was kind of like "whatever"! When i turned 18 Chelsie and I started going to the clubs a lot and i started to see him and talk to him more. Chelsie being the great sister she is told me not to date him (thanks Chels) and so for awhile i listened. We talked and he was such a sweet guy.
Monday, November 10, 2008
This is a picture of the sunset at Clearwater Beach, Fla on November 15th 2004. That was the first night of our honeymoon. We took the picture as we walked down the pier. I remember we watched all the performers line up to do their acts and looked at all the hand made crafts people were selling. It was a truly memorable night. Are honeymoon was only 3 days and 2 nights. We didn't have a whole lot of money and had to get back home to WV soon.
Now this is not the honeymoon of my dreams. I would have much preferred a 7 day 6 night cruise to the Caribbean or something exotic but we all know that just was too expensive for 2 newlyweds preparing for their first child. So now we are planning a 2nd honeymoon. The kids are 2 and 3 now (almost 3 and 4) and i feel like we would be able to take a week long vacation all too ourselves.
We have talked about going many places. At the top of our list is Las Vegas. I have always wanted to go to LV but never thought i would. We have been looking up prices and checking things out. We are thinking next year for our anniversary or maybe a little before that since both kids will be in school.
Anyone have any thoughts? Any suggestions on what hotel to stay at or what shows to see? I am willing to take suggestions on other places to go also. Among my list are Fuji, Jamaica, Cabo, and anywhere else warm with a beach lol.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
She is beautiful. I always said i never wanted another cat but i guess we can see how this relationship works out. She doesn't like to be inside for a long time so she comes in to eat what we give her and rest (when the kids allow) and then she goes to the door and we let her out. She returns when ever she feels like it. I think i can live with a mostly outdoor cat. She is MJ's new bestest friend. He cries when she wants out and chases her when she come in. Poor cat didn't know what she got herself into.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I think it has been coming for awhile. There are a lot of things on my mind and dealing with stress has never been my strong suit. Today i woke up to my husbands work calling. They ask him to come in, i am assuming, because someone called off. Now i don't normally have a problem with this especially it being this close to Christmas. We need all the money we can get and overtime is more than welcome. Today was just not the day that i needed him to say yes and rush off to save the day. I needed him home with me and the kids to possibly save the day here. The bottom line is he didn't even ask me if i minded that he spent one of his 2 days off at work or if i had plans today, he just told them yes and left. Well not just left, we fought! Neither of us made out points. I was too hysterically crying to even make sense. I said somethings i didn't mean and now i am feeling even worse.
Being a stay at home mom is stressful. Awhile back i wrote a post about all the things i do titled My Yesterday. In it i ranted about my husband and talked about all the things i do day to day as a SAHM. I try not to bitch and i try not to complain and then i end up exploding over something that shouldn't have been that big of a deal. I just feel like he could have ask me if we needed to do stuff today or if maybe i had plans for us. In actuality i did have plans for us. We needed to go to the grocery store as i really don't have anything to feed the kids for lunch. I has also promised the kids that their daddy was off today and we would do something fun as a family. So now i am hungry and disappointed that i lied to my kids. Now maybe things would be different if he had just ask me if i minded or showed some concern for the fact that i seemed quiet upset but the fact of the matter is he did neither, and it hurts!
Adding to the stress and my emotions is my pregnancy/non pregnancy/weird body. I take a pregnancy test every month because i no longer have a period due to my IUD (i know TMI). This is what my doc told me to do so that i could be 100% that i am not preggers. SO for almost 3 years now, on the 1st of ever month, i take a pregnancy test. Every month it is negative. Now most women out there know that taking a pregnancy test can be fun or scary but for me it is agonizing. I hate it and i dread it every month. I want more kids and i think a part of me every month hopes that it will end up positive and the logical part of me tells me that it isn't good timing. So every month when it comes back negative it is a little stab to the heart of hope. I said all of that to say this.
I took a pregnancy test on the 5th i was behind a few days than normal on taking it. In the little box the line that shows up to tell you if you are or are not pregnant wasn't there all the way but there was part of a very very light pink line. Almost like it was saying you might be but I'm not telling. So now i have to wait a week and take another one just to see if it was a dud test or if i am pregnant. Now my mind reels at the thought that i might actually be pregnant. Hubby and i agreed to wait til our youngest son is potty trained before TTC again. Plus i have an IUD in and they say that the chance of miscarriage if they remove it is high but if you leave it in they don't know what damage it can do to the baby. It scares the holy poo out of me. I want a baby but not this way.
So there is my stress. On top of needing about a billion dollars to pay all the backed up bills and feed the family with, i might be pregnant and my hubby is working on his day off (which yes i know is the answer to the money problems). I just feel like i am going to go insane and there isn't a branch on the tree to cradle my fall.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I think i like fall so much because it means all the family holidays are coming up. Christmas is my favorite because it was my mom's favorite. Christmas was always the time of year that we spent the most time together. We decorated and cooked and spent a lot time of just talking. It brings back a lot of wonderful memories. So here is to the leaves falling and the cold weather heading in. I am so looking forward to the holidays even if we are broke!