Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Change For 2009

I just looked at that title and realized it sounds like some kind of add for a diet pill or something lol.

Now on to my real post....

Looking back on 2008 there are a lot of moments to remember and make me think. Lets see in list form:

  • An old friend from Elementary School committed suicide at the age of 22.
  • Phabian was potty trained in less than a month.
  • My MIL had another breast cancer scare (turned out to be nothing).
My Grandma had a breast cancer scare (also turned out to be nothing).
  • My husband's cousin passed away at the young age of 32.
  • We spent more time as a family in 2008.
  • Phabian started Head Start.
  • MJ turned 2 and is no longer a baby :(
  • We decided to start trying for baby #3 sometime in 2009!
2008 sure was a busy year with ups and downs. I decided in 2007 that i was not making New Year Resolutions anymore because i always set myself up for disappointment. So what i am doing instead is what i call improvements. I don't try to change just improve upon what i already have. So here is what i want to improve upon in the year 2009:

  • I want to love my husband more.
  • I want to complain less.
  • I want to give my kids at least one day a week of my undivided attention.
  • I want to continue to cut down my smoking.
  • I want to work on my eating habits and intern start to reshape my body.
  • I want to build up my confidence and learn to let things be as they will be.
  • I want to make more time for me.
  • I want to work more on my friendships.
  • I want to spend less time on the computer and more time on life.
  • I want to read my bible more.
  • I want to look into cake classes.
  • I want to show people more of me and less of who they want to see.
I know that is a big list but if i can just improve a little upon all of these i think i will be better for it. So what improvements do you want to make in your life in 2009? Do you have a list of goals? Did you write a post about it? I am trying out this Mister Linky thing and i am not sure i have it right but here it goes anyways. Link up (if you can cause i am an idiot and don't know how to set it up lol. So someone please link up and if i didnt do it right someone please tell me lol) and let me know you New Year Improvements or Resolutions.!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Gazillion Bubbles

Bubbles, bubbles, and more bubbles is what we did yesterday. We had a crazy warm day with a high close to 70 and sunny skies. It was really a beautiful day all be it weird for December. We took the boys to get their hair cut and then watched the WVU game while the boys napped. Marcus had to be at work at 4 so me and the kids were on our own last night.

When they woke up from nap time we traveled to the front porch for some bubble fun. They were a little disappointed that i wouldnt let them off the porch to play in the yard but it was muddy from all the rain so we stayed on dry ground. They played for about 2 hours with the Gazillion Bubble, Bubble Grill my Aunts got for them. That thing was throwing bubbles everywhere. It really did make a gazillion bubbles lol.

As it got dark we ventured back inside but first they called my Aunts to tell them how much fun they had with the Bubble Grill. They talked for a bit them we came in to fix dinner which ended up being PB and J sandwiches (yea i know bad mama lol).

Yesterday was a fun day and i hope today is the same. Please continue to pray for Brittney and Baby Kaci and Baby Stellen. They really need your prayers right now and i know God is listening.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Prayer Request

I have 2 prayer requests tonight.

Please can everyone pray for Baby Stellen and his family. MckMama had to take him to the ER tonight because he was not breathing very well and his heart rate was very high. Please send some healing vibes their way.

Prays also need to be sent to Brittany and Baby Kaci. Brittany has been struggling through this pregnancy with various illnesses and landed in the hospital dehydrated and having contractions. Please keep her in your prayers tonight that she will recover quickly and all will be well with baby Kaci.

Thanks everyone!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Our Christmas Story

Oh wow i cannot believe it is over already. As quick as it approached us it is now gone. The only reminder to be little shards of wrapping paper that forgot to be picked up and lots of new toys to occupy children's time. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and were surrounded by the warmth and love of family. I can't wait to hear all about your days.

We spent Christmas Eve with my In Laws as is the norm. We got to their house about 6:30 and were the first to arrive (which is also the norm as no one in that family is ever on time lol). By 7:30 everyone was there (which was more than usually at a total of 35 people) and we started eating. They don't do a big dinner but more of a pot luck, finger foods type dinner. There were chicken wings, cheese balls, meat balls, BBQ weenies, and i made a Mexican dip (it is made with refried beans, sour cream, taco seasoning, and shredded cheese) plus more. After we finished eating we all swapped presents. Phabian received a package of match box cars and a remote control race car. MJ received a package of match box cars and a Hot Wheels City. Also my SIL gave them a little remote controlled car each. I received a gift card for a mani/pedi and Marcus received a really nice shirt. We drew 4 kids this year and we bought DaSean(10), DaJuan(11) and Telis(10) toboggan/glove combos and Kei-Anna(6) got a jewelry making kit. We also bought for his Mom and Dad. We bought his Mom a Soup Kit with 2 Bowls from Figi's and his Dad a Budweiser BBQ Set from Figi's. WE finished off the night with a lot of laughs and headed home about 10.

We let the kids stay up till 11 to finish watching some of the Christmas cartoons that were on. They laid down but didn't make it to sleep until midnight (UGH). Then the fun of toy making began lol. We only had 2 thing to put together this year. The easel was pretty easy it was just a bunch of screws that twisted into these plastic caps, but the toy organizer was a task. Screws and plastic don't mix very well at all. After we got those set up we put all the presents under the tree ate some cookies and headed to bed.

At 8 Marcus woke me up and said "The kids aren't up yet do you wanna go ahead and get up" and i was like yea that way i can get my coffee fixed right? NO NO NO! As soon as i got to the bathroom and shut the door i heard Phabian go, "Mommy, Mommy where are you, Mommy......OMG WHERE DID THESE COME FROM!" So i told him to go wake MJ up and we could open presents. They had so much fun tearing open all the gifts. Phabian got a bunch of cars, a race track, a write rite computer, and much much more. MJ got a bunch of cars, a Piston Cup Electric Race Track, a write rite computer, and much more. Mommy and Daddy didn't exchange presents this year lol. The kids also got a DVD player and some DVDs to share. One of my favorite presents was the Gazillion Bubbles Bubble Grill my Aunts got the boys. I think hubby and i had way too much fun with it lol. After we got the trace tracks put together i went to go fix breakfast. After we ate we left for my Brother's house.

We got to my Brother's at about Noon and the kids ran off to play as i helped my SIL to finish cooking. When my Dad got there at 3 we opened more presents. The boys got 2 Shake'Em Cars a piece and some new (much needed) clothes. I gave William (10) and Elizabeth (7) gift cards for Wal-Mart (Since my Brother works there my SIL always requests Wal-Mart gift cards. They get a discount and get more for their money.) We bought my dad a Christmas Tin of Candy Fruit Slices and of course we all went in on the Family portrait of all of us. He was so happy! After all the paper was cleaned up lol we went to eat. We had deviled eggs, green beans, green bean casserole *we have to have both as my hubby doesn't like the casserole), mashed potatoes, rolls, glazed spiral ham, and for an appetizer my SIL made this really yummy Buffalo Chicken Dip. It was awesome and i have to get the recipe from her. We stayed their till about 5 and finally took off. We stopped by my MIL's house one more time so that the kids could get their stockings (they get one at home and at Granny's) and presents from Granny and Grandad. They got the boys 2 new outfits each and some more cars and candy. They also bough Marcus a new hoody and jammie pants and me a new robe. We finally made it home about 6 and finished putting together toys and playing. The boys watched Ratatouille before bed but passed out about half way through. Hubby and i got to bed finally at about 11.

I am pooped today! I will spend the day playing with the boys and enjoying the fun to be had with new toys. Cleaning can wait for another day when i am not exhausted. I hope you all had a great holiday with lots of love and warmth and joy to go around.

PS...Oh yea and on Saturday we head back to my MIL to make Christmas Cookies with all the grandkids (that 15 total). She usually does it on Christmas Eve but this year she has to work til 5 so we are doing it Saturday instead. Not like the kids care and it gives me 2 day to rest.

PPS....You can find out Christmas Pictures Here and Here!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Playboy Bunny Cake

Here is the newest cake i did. It is a yellow cake with cream cheese frosting and covered with pink marshmallow fondant with purple fondant playboy bunnies. I need to work on my placement as the bunnies on top are so not centered lol. Glad i am getting all this practice with my friends orders lol. If you would like to see more of the cake you can go here!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Letters To Santa

So this is the first year my boys have written a real letter to Santa. It wasn't so much words as it was scribbles and drawlings of what they wanted but hey it still counts. If you didn't know Santa can read scribbles and he understand abstract art very well.

This is the letters all sealed up and ready to be mails. Yes Santa lives at 101 Ho Ho Ho St in the North Pole and you will not tell my Phabian any different. If this is where he says Santa lives than i give him the benefit of the doubt. Him and Santa are homies ya know!
This is the letter they received via express mail i am assuming since we just mailed the letters out yesterday and received a reply today. Yes we mailed them on a Sunday...Santa came and picked them up personally. How do i know you ask? Because Phabian said he heard him jump on the roof and then on the porch and get them. Are you questioning the wisdom of my 3 year old?
Here is what MJ's letter said:
Dear MJ, I watched you closely all year long and you have been very well behaved! While your brother is at school you have done very well at home. You are learning a lot with your Mommy and Daddy. I just love your pictures you drew! You are also very polite and behaved at home. Continue to be polite by saving thank you, please, and excuse me. Also play nice with your brother. Your Mommy, Daddy, and I like it very much when you and your brother share toys. I will be watching, so continue to behave and mind Mommy and Daddy and I will have lots of Cars for you!

This is Phabian's letter:
Dear Phabian, I have been watching you very close this year and I like what i have been seeing. You have been doing very well in school. I love the snowman ornament you made for your Christmas Tree. You keep up the good work and keep learning. You have also been doing well at home. Keep on being polite by saying please, thank you, and excuse me. Also be good to your Mommy, Daddy, and Brother because they love you very much. Keep setting a good example for your Brother. If you keep up the good work I will be bringing you lots of cool presents!

And here they are opening their letters with Daddy prepared to read them.

Is it just me or did Santa sound like a tired Mama of 2 that needs a nice relaxing day at the spa! No...Just me...oh well it was worth bring up.

So there it is my boys first letters to Santa. It was a definite experience!

Computer Fun

Phabian knows how to work a computer i tell ya! He was laying Dora Bingo! I have created a monster! Now he is asking every 5 seconds to play Dora! MJ enjoys watching his brother play!


Edited Note: I figured out how to reply to messages...yay me!

Ok so if you look over at my sidebar somewhere you will find me TWITTERING! Yes i know...i know...welcome to the 21st century Courtney! I have not figured it out totally but i do have it set up to come to my phone and i have figured out how to add friends and send messages to the main board from my phone but i have yet to learn how to reply to someones message via my phone! Can someone help me out here???? Other than that i am liking it so far. It is a great way to connect with all my bloggy friends and since i have unlimited txting i can always be there...yay me (no life)!!! Any suggestions for navigation and working Twitter are welcome. I am new to it so i can use all the little hints and tidbit/shortcuts i can! Thanks everyone!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Just To Share

~Just wanted to share some of my favorite pictures of my kids when they were babies. Oh how the time has flown~

Phabian when he was about 2 months old (yes i know he is on his belly with a blanket over his head dont judge)

MJ when he was about 1 month old. He was a happy baby from day 1!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Saying Gravy For Dinner

This is how prayer is usually said before dinner:

Me: Come on boys it's time to say grace and eat! (usually said in a yell over the 2 tvs and kids playing)

*i put plates on the table and turn off the tvs and we all sit except for MJ who is still playing with a car somewhere*

Phabian: Come on MJ we have to say gravy!

MJ: I comin' bubby!!!! (pitter patter pitter patter)

*Kids in unison* God is grafe, God is good, and we tank him for our food! By his hands we all is fed, give us Lord out daily toast! A-hem!!!

And then we eat! I guess we need to work on the words some more but that is how gravy is said in our house!!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

Nothing To Complain About

I sat down at the computer about 45 minutes ago prepared to write a blog about how bad things suck in my life right now and how i really need a break. I got distracted (as i often do, as i am sure i must have ADHD or ADD) by this new show called Secret Millionaire on Fox. For those of you who don't watch TV or just don't watch reality TV i will give you the low down on it.

Secret Millionaire is a show where they take a person or family who is a millionaire or multi-millionaire and strip them of everything for a week. They provide them with welfare wages and send them to the most poverty stricken neighborhood in their state. They have to live without the luxury of their wealth for a week and in that week they have to find people that they want to help. At the end of the show they are required to give at least $100,000.00 of their own money away to the people that they have met and been touch by through out the week.

Now as i sat and watched this the thought that my life is sooooooooo bad vanished. I suddenly felt so happy for the things i do have rather than bitching about the things that i don't. I by no means have a lot of money. For that matter we (and this is very hard to admit) live, by all standards, in poverty ourselves, but i can not complain about it. Are bills are paid, we have heat and running water, we eat breakfast lunch and dinner everyday, and we have some luxury.

I thank God every night that we have a roof over our head, clothes on our back, and food in our bellies. My husband has a great job where there isn't an immediate threat of being laid off or fired. I have 2 beautiful children who are smart and talented. I have the luxury of staying at home with them (for the past 4 years as i will be getting a job after the new year or sooner). What do i have to complain about.

There are people just in my neighborhood that have it worse. For example i just saw a family, today, walking up the street with trash bags of their clothing and shopping cart with lamps and a TV in it. The eldest boy who walked tall beside his mother was pushing a small child in a stroller and his younger sibling was helping his mom push the buggy. As i watched them walk past me i wondered what had happened to them but i didn't ask or help.

I think a part of me feared that they would think i was being uppity if i ask if they needed help, and another part of me (as much as i hate to admit this) was scared of them. Society has told us that if you are poor it is because you choose to be this way. You choose not to get an education and you choose to live off of welfare. I have done my fair share of bitching about welfare moms but how can we help those who need to be helped without helping some bad people also.

I don't know who in their right mind would choose to live off of welfare wages just because that is easier than getting a job. Now don't get me wrong i am full aware that some people do. Some people abuse the system and that is wrong, but most people are just looking for a helping hand or at least i would like to think that. I like to think the best of people even if all the evidence points the other way. Who would choose to for go college so they can stay at home and pop out kids for a $400.00 a month pay check. I don't know many who would be happy with this life.

I have heard it all from a lot of different ethnicity's, religions, and genders. Why don't you just get a job? Close your legs so you don't have so many mouths to feed! If you can't support you kids give them to someone who can! Those have never been said to me but i can admit that i have said those at times and i will tell you why. I myself and the recipient of Food Stamps and those who do abuse the system do make it hard on those of us who really just need a helping hand.

My husband works 40+ hours a week for $10.00 an hour. He slaves away in a restaurant and barley brings home enough to pay all the bills plus buy some extra food. Yes it would help if i got a job but i cant afford daycare. For two children, at most day cares around my area, it would cost $50.00 a day. Add that up for 5 days a week and you have $250.00 a week or $1000.00 a month. If i got a job, having no college degree, for minimum wage, i would be working to pay for daycare. Now can any of you tell me that makes any since? So i stay at home with my kids and take my $120.00 worth of food stamps a month. If you wanna know the harsh reality of it we survive with that much food plus what little extra we can afford. I don't cook elaborate meals, but we are fed and my kids never go without food...EVER! When most family spend that much a week we make it last a month!

The whole point of this is that i have no right to complain. Their are people in far worse situations than me. There are people who don't have the money to feed their kids, to put a roof over their head, to shelter them from the rain. There are people who don't have clean water or clean clothes to put on. There are people who will be evicted because they got laid off and cant make their mortgage or rent this month. I have no right to bitch about my life. Because as i sit here comfy in my computer chair, with my kids sound asleep in their warm bed, typing away on my (highly over priced) Internet...i know i am blessed. I know that God has blessed us with all these things. We are safe, full, warm, and i am thankful!

PS...i just read through this again and realized that i admitted way more than i care to usually share. I don't like to admit to being "poor" and i don't like to admit to being on food stamps, but i refuse to allow myself to take this post down. I think i needed to see that it is OK. That although i am not rich in money i am rich in friends and family and love. Thank you all who read this and please i hope you all are thankful for what you have tonight!

PPS...so that their isnt any confusion as to how i will afford daycare when i do get a job. A friend has offered to watch my kids for next to nothing. She is a saint and i love her to death.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Ornaments Followed by Life

SO as i have taken my normal rounds around the blogasphere i found a lot of people sharing the special ornaments that they have on their trees. So since i have already posted a picture of our Christmas Tree i figure i would share some ornaments that Phabian made at school (that were not on the pictures of the tree before) and some from my childhood that just didn't make it on the tree this year.

This is Rudolph made simply out of Popsicle sticks, construction paper, red felt balls and googly eyes.

This is the reef that they made out of beads and pipe cleaner.

His snowman which is made of printer paper, green glitter, and his picture as the face.

Now this is an ornament from my childhood. It is the bottom of the tree from the last Christmas i spent with my mom. If you cant see it says Christmas 2000. She made it as something we were suppose to start doing every year. Sadly it would be the last one she did.

This is the one from the Christmas (2001) after she passed. It was my first Christmas without my mom and it was so hard but i did this one for her since she wanted it. Sadly to say we never did another one. I have a fake tree now because of the kids allergies but if i ever do buy a real tree again i will make sure to preserve the memory like this.

This is a Ginger Bread Woman i made with my mom. It makes me smile to see the hand made ornament that has made it through all the years.

And here is Ginger's soul mate Gingy. They make a cute pair don't they?
So as the title should suggest i had planned on writing more about life in general and how i have had a few bad days, but i will save it for another time since i feel a tad bit saddened by the memories of my mom. I am going to go hug my kids and play cars like they have been asking me to for a few hours now. Thanks for sharing these memories!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Prayer Request

Hi all just a quick post here to ask for some prayers for a sweet bloggy friend of mine. Brittany is pregnant with her first child and just found out the baby's heart seems to be enlarged. She is having a little girl named Kaci. Please send many prayers to God tonight for her and her family so that they can be strong and that he would heal any complications that little Kaci might have. If you would like post a prayer request on your blog or spread the word. All prayers are welcome. Thank you all!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The 3(or 4) Little Pigs As Told by Phabian

This is the first take that didnt turn out quite as i had hoped!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Centennial Celebration

So here i am, 5 months later, celebrating 100 posts! I can not believe this is my 100th post on this blog! It just doesn't seem like i have written enough to fill 100 posts. All be it that some were very short and other probably meaningless but its my blog and this is my 100!!! WAHOOOOO!!!!!!! (Did i say 100 enough? Did ya get the point?)

Now what in the heck should i talk about?

It was suppose to be a sunny day today and i promised the kids they could go out side and play, but low and behold as soon as i laid them down for quiet time it started raining. Now i have lied to my kids and my nice sunny day has turned to poo. We have been having some crazy weather here lately. One day it is in the 30's the next in the 60's. We have went just in the past 3 days from having snow on the ground to today staring out sunny and 63. This is weird weather for December don't ya think? Well maybe you don't if you live somewhere like Florida or California but for West by God Virginia this is weird.

I mean we by no means get the ice storms or blizzards that northern states get but we usually have low 30's to mid 40's with at least a chance of snow in December. The last time we had a warm December like this was when i was pregnant with MJ. It was 75 in mid December and for a pregnant whale (yes i said whale) like i was it was miserable. I had fans in my windows at night even if the weather did cool down to 30. My poor husband was freezing and i was pouring sweat. If i could have one wish for Christmas it would be 6 inches of snow. To some that might sound crazy, like why only 6 inches? I only want a small amount so that we can still get around on Christmas Day but still be able to enjoy a white Christmas. I have not seen a white Christmas in years...seriously! It kind of makes me sad.

In other news i am having some serious baby fever. All you ladies out there who are preggers or just gave birth are doing a number on my baby wanting brain. Hubby and i have already decided not to start trying till after the 1st of the year and it will be awhile still because i have to go get the IUD taken out and then wait for a normal period and blah blah blah (I know TMI right?). If i had it my way (and if we were rich) i would have like 10 kids by now. I know i bitch and moan about my kids sometimes but geesh i love those little buggers and wouldn't trade them in for anything. I would love to be able to have a large family and be "That" grandma with the 20 grandkids. My MIL has 6 kids and 14 grandkids (and she doesn't realize she might be getting more lol). That is a great picture to me. I see the fun they have when they are all together and it just makes me so happy and warm.

So i guess this is it for now. I started writing this post yesterday and it has been sitting in draft form cause i kept trying to think of something more profound to write about but profound just isn't my style today (Or yesterday) i guess. I will leave you with a really cool picture in the Christmas Spirit...

I was reading Slouching Mom over at her blog Slouching Past 40 and she posted a pic of herself that she made via this website. If you want to make your own or look at the many other cool pics you can make go here and check it out. Thanks to Slouching Mom for the link!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Interview and Result

So i went for my interview this morning and i wont know if i have the job till Tuesday. So i figured i minus well tell you about it in the mean time. Even if i don't get the job it is a great product and something i know most of you will like.

Maggie (a friend of a friend) opened her own salsa business back in 2004. She makes fresh salsa and white queso dip. She just opened a new location to make her delicious salsa at and needed help filling orders. She recently secured a order from Whole Foods. He salsa is 100% naturally fat free, all-natural, and has a 45 day shelf life. If you would like to try some (and i recommend it cause it is yummy) you can visit her site Here. I think i will really enjoy this job and it will give me some insight into how running a business works.

I am still in the slow slow process of starting my own cake business. It is going to be an excruciatingly drawn out process. I need this job so that i can have the extra money to fund my cake venture. I did the cake for Jayden's Birthday. It didn't turn out as perfect as i would have liked. The icing we choose to use for the polka dots decided to run before drying and the frosting i tried to use for a ribbon, well lets just say there wasn't enough or a tip. How ever the pearl dust made it look beautiful and very sparkly and the batch of fondant i made turned out perfect this time. Jayden loved it and i think that is what matters. We live and we learn and i sure did learn some lessons with this cake. I was thinking about submitting it to Cake Wrecks but since i am not a professional i don't think they will take it lol. I am sure glad i can laugh at myself.

So i am not going to let anything get me down right now. I am still hoping that this job will come through as it would be perfect. I would work from 2 - 10 pm Mon - Fri. I would get paid weekly with the possibility of weekly team bonuses. I think i would have a lot of fun with the job as well as the wonderful people. I hope you check out Maggie's Salsa and support a small business who is offering fresh, healthy product! keep on praying that i get the job!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

All Done...YES!!!!

So tonight we finished our Christmas shopping....WAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now i never keep track of how much i spend i just know i have a budget and that's what i stick to. We only get what is on the list and who we have to shop for. So i am asking for honest opinions! I am going to throw a number out there and the amount of people i bought for and you tell me if i did ok or if i way over spent. Ready???

We spent a total of about $500.00 on a total of 11 people!

Now to me that is a lot of money. That, to be brutally honest, is more than half of one of my husband's paychecks. So to me if we would have done all that shopping at once we would have just about killed ourselves financially. Lucky we have been able to spread it out and i am ashamed to say charge some of it to credit (which i despise doing but it wasn't too much and we will pay it off with our income taxes).

The good news is we are done. We got every present for every person we had to buy for this year. Are you done? When do you start your shopping? I am so a last minute shopper which i desperately hate because i never can get what i want cause the money tend to run real thin at the last minute. I wish i was one of the people that could start shopping in like July or something but i just never think about it. So tell me about your shopping habits.

I am starting to feel a little alone on here as i hardly ever get any comments from anyone...Heeeelllloooo....is there anyone out there there there there???

Ok moving on...I think i might be getting a job! I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I am so nervous because the work force is not really my specialty. I haven't had a job in about 5 years and i am not a big people person. I feel very much at home talking to you all through my computer screen and with those few friends i have in real life. When i get around large groups of people i tend to clam up and become very quiet. I didn't use to be like that. I use to be a very social butterfly but 5 years cooped up in a house where the primary conversation is with a child under the age of 5 will kind of decimate your social abilities lol.

I am very excited on the other hand. I think i need this time away from the house and the kids. I need something that i can clam as my own that isn't just taking care of my hubby and kids. Please no one get this wrong i love my kids to the core but sometimes you just need space or time to be yourself and i think a job is just what i need. It will be mine! Not something i do because i am a mother or a wife but something i do because it is me. I hope i am making a little but of sense here. Am I or am I rambling incoherently?

Oh well i go for my interview at 9am tomorrow so i would appreciate some prayers this way to have the right words and get the job. Thanks everyone and i look forward to being able to tell you all about my NEW job tomorrow (fingers crossed)!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas Meme

I got this from Elaine at The Miss Elaine-ous Life and since i don't have anything else on my mind to blog about (or because i am too busy trying to do last minute shopping take your pick) i figured i would give it a go! Feel free to play along and let me know if you post it in your blog so i can come over and read it.
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper it is one of my favorite parts of presents!
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial, White, Pre-lit
3. When do you put up the tree? After Thanksgiving usually the first week of December!
4. When do you take the tree down? Usually January 2 or so!
5. Do you like eggnog? Not my fave but if it's spiked (wink wink)
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I got a huge stereo system when i was like 12 it made my day!
7. Hardest person to buy for? Any adult IMO because adults usually have everything they need and i think Christmas is more about the kids!
8. Easiest person to buy for? My kids who are very specific or my dad who love nothing more than the candy orange gummy slices.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? Yes but have not put it out since i had kids as it is a hand me down from my great grandma and i don't want it to get broken.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Email most of them! Trying to do my part to save the world lol
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I appreciate all gifts...ok i will stop lying...probably the Christmas that i got all these clothes from my Grandma that first didn't fit and second look like something she would have worn.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Grinch Who Stole Christmas (the one with Jim Carey), Santa Baby, Holiday in Handcuffs, and oh darn it whats the name of the one about the train that picks kids up and takes them to see santa....ohhhhhhhhh....Polar Express!
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Today...you think i am joking...i will finish on Sunday...no really I'm not joking!
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Honestly i don't think so but i wouldn't put it past myself!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mint Oreos, Hot Cocoa, and warm cookies straight out of the oven!
16. Lights on the tree? White (i despise colored lights myself but to each there own)
17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Silent Night, and Away in a Manger!
18. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? Home but i traveled to Florida as a kid.
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, on Comet and Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (and don't forget Rudolph!)
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel, it was my Mom's and i have always used it!
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Eve at my MIL's house and Christmas at our house and my brother's
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Traffic and the crazy people!
23. What theme or color are you using? Red and Gold
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Pot Luck is always what both of our families do so we get a good feel of it all but my fave things are Ham and Mashed Potatoes with Gravy!
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I ask hubby for a new coffee pot as mine is broken (no coffee makes for a very sad Courtney {and bitchy too})
26. Do you have a favorite ornament, what? Phabian just made some at school i will take some pictures and post them soon (so make sure you come back to see them)
27. Gifts from Santa? Wrapped or Unwrapped? A little bit of both depending on if it has to be put together or not!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Cars...Vroooom Vroooooom!

If you come into my house on any given day while Phabian is in school this is what you will find...as a side note ignore me in the background talking on the phone and the bad lighting (and if you can hold out to the end you get extra kudos cause this is probably only interesting to me!)!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Do You Believe In Magic?

I am a Christmas person. My Mom was a Christmas person and i think it is just embedded in my soul. I love everything about this holiday season (minus the shopping see Here for more details). When this time of year roles around i just get a flame that burns inside me. It makes me feel warm and i want to do things that i don't do everyday. I get on a baking high and nothing tastes better than warm cookies fresh from the oven and a cup of hot cocoa while watching some frilly Christmas movie. I love the lights that flicker and the carols i hear. I love what Christmas means! Family, fun, food, the birth of Jesus, giving, receiving, friendship!!! It is all so magical! It is a magic that only occurs once a year.

One month out of a whole year we get to feel like kids again. We get to talk about a magical old man who travels the globe in one night spreading joy and gifts to all. The story of Santa has always made me very happy. It is a story of a man who is so kind and generous that he spends all his time making and delivering gifts to those who deserve them. We all act as Santa this time of year. We give gifts to those we love and to young children who don't have a lot. One of my fondest memories of Christmas is the time my mom and i spent picking an Angel from the Angel Tree.

We always made a day of it. We would get up early and go to the local mall which is where the tree always was. We would get breakfast and then pick a name off the tree. We never shopped at the mall but we always just took some time to look around and see what they had. We would soon leave the mall and travel to somewhere for a small lunch. It usually was McDonald's because as a kid that was my favorite (Isn't it all kids favorite lol). Then we would go to Wal-Mart or somewhere of the sort. We would shop for my dad, brother, and other extended family while we were there. Then we would go to the toys and pick out a toy for the Angel we picked, then we would also go buy her some shoes and a coat. I remember these days to a tee and i could never replace those with anything.

I know now how it made my mom feel to watch us open our presents on Christmas and to know that she was helping another mother who couldn't afford to make her child smile. I know how special it is now and why it was so important to her that we pick an Angel. It is a tradition i would like to pass on to my kids. I know there is nothing more magical than the look on your child's face when they wake on Christmas morning and see the glistening wrapped boxes under the tree. The cookies missing from the plate and a half empty glass on the table gives the impression that Santa was there. The glimmer that radiates from their faces is enough to light a city all alone. For one day out of one year i feel like a kid again.

I still wake up on Christmas morning with a tingle in my tummy. I hop out of bed and run to the tree with my kids. I feel their joy as they rip off the paper and squeal with delight at the sight of a toy they had requested from Santa. I relive all my Christmases through my children and in a flash i see why my Mom loved Christmas so much. It is the only holiday that means so much. We teach our children about God and Jesus and we also allow them to believe in that Magic of Santa. For me i feel like this is it for them. When they get old enough they will know the truth about Santa and Christmas will be just another holiday that they expect a present for. Right now i want them to feel the Magic and Excitement. I want to see their fact light with happiness over a jolly old man in a bright red suit. Imagination only last so long and i don't want to stifle that to soon.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Decoration Madness

So i have taken a few days off from bloggyland to decorate for Christmas. I got online this morning to check my Google Reader and had over 100 posts...AHHHHHHHHHHH! I tried to read as many as i could before i got a headache and said forget it. So i did a mass delete of post and went on about my day lol. I also must say i am so glad NaBloPoMo is over. I missed 2 days and it made me feel horrible lol. Maybe next year but for now i am glad the pressure is over lol.

Now back to Christmas. We have been decorating up a storm here at the Chaos Abode. This is our first Christmas as a family in a house and not an apartment. We have free range to throw lights over anything that will stand still long enough to be draped. My husband of course has taken this to an extreme. We have lights on the fence for goodness sake. Now he has not managed to get them plugged up yet because we ran out of extension cords but they are there. We got the tree done last night and it looks great. Last year our theme was blue and silver this year we decided on red and gold since some little hands managed to devastate most of the balls from last year. And fear not i have a ton of pictures to show.

Sometime before Christmas i would love to be able to get a cute shot of the kids in front of the tree but who knows if that will happen or not as it seems to be getting harder by the day to get my two heathens to sit still much less together. We have started Christmas shopping now. We only have a few more presents to buy for the kids and then we have to buy for the names we drew from his family and my niece and nephew. It is still very weird for me that his family drawls names but it is a necessity. I mean there are over 30 people to buy for and it makes it so much easier that we only have to buy 4. We got lucky this year and pulled 4 kids names (YES!!!). We also always buy his mom a little something. This year it will be a family picture in a frame. I think that is what most Grandma's love to have is a picture. She said she doesn't care what she gets as long as it isn't anything she can use to cook with lol.

Ok, ok so here without further ado is the pictures of our house and our kids decorating the tree:

(Our front door)

(I just love my husband's decoration style)

(Took another once it got a little darker)

(I know you love my overgrown bush right lol)

(This is one of like 3 i got on daddy helping)

(Phabian was very wild about where he was putting his)

(Where as MJ was very meticulous about his placement)

(Daddy helping Phabian place some up top)

(Daddy lifting MJ to where MJ said he wanted to go)

(Now there is some brotherly love...NOT...they had just stopped fighting about putting their bulb in the same spot)

(Phabian was the only one willing to hold still long enough for a picture in front of the tree)

(And finally one of him standing as he insisted i take 5 more pictures)

So needless to say i am anal retentive about my tree and i rearranged everything after they were fast asleep. Christmas is my favorite holiday but i am also so very anal about everything being perfect which leads to some not so great mommy moments. So sorry to bore you all as i am sure i am the only one who made it this far.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Back To Life

So today as my turkey hangover wears down i have returned to normal everyday life. I cleaned my bedroom which whether you believe it or not looked worse than my kids. It is the place where everything that doesn't have a place goes to live in a pile on the floor or in a corner. I organized, threw away, and sorted. After i ran the vacuum i started washing and washing and washing some more. I have done about 3 loads so far and only have oh say about a million left to go. This is why me and holidays don't get along. They force me to stuff my belly and slack on chores and then i am angry at them for having to do twice as much when i no longer have an excuse not to lol.

Tomorrow i am going to finish laundry and clean the living room and dinning room. So much to do and so little daylight. I hate it that it gets dark at 5 now. It makes me so tired. I just want to sleep. Its dark it should be bed time (and my kids agree which is odd). Now i have to force my kids to stay awake when it is dark out and the force them to go to bed because i have made them stay up way past their biological ticking tells them to.

I haven't done a lot of Christmas shopping yet. My aunt bought the kids an easel and a bunch of art supplies (from Santa) and then she is also sending more stuff from them up with a cousin. We so far have got the kids a bunch of books, one lap top (kiddo kind) for each of them, and a race track that comes with 2 hummers and 2 controllers so they can race each other around the track. We want to get them a new toy box and some other small things. My brother is giving us two brand new cars (the big ones that the kids drive) that his kids only ended up using like one time. Those will be our big present to the kids this year. I feel bad because we didn't buy them but they are like brand new and i don't think they actually will care. We do however have to buy new chargers and batteries for them. They will get a ton of stuff from everyone else though so i think they will have a good Christmas.

I just am excited to get the tree up. Christmas is my favorite holiday and i love the lights and sparkling balls on trees. I know this isn't what Christmas is about but it sure adds a nice touch right lol. This year we are reading both the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we will read about the birth of baby Jesus. My kids love a good book and if it is something that can teach them than i am all for it.

So what is your favorite part of Christmas? I have too many but i think just being with family and the feeling that it gives me inside.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Is It Worth It?

I will make this clear at the beginning so in hope i won't have to state it again, i am NOT a Black Friday shopper. As a kid i remember many long days of 4 am shopping with my mom on the dreaded day after Thanksgiving. I hate it...no i despise it. I refuse to fight with someone over the last Elmo toy or knock over an old lady for the last blender. I know it is great to find these wonderful once a year deals but how much are you actually saving compared to how much you are giving up!

The reason i chose to blog about Black Friday when i didn't even go shopping is the pure chaos of it. I, as most probably have by now, watched on the news as they talked about the Wal-Mart shoppers in Long Island, New York who trampled a employee to death. They killed a person for the chance at a cheap deal! Excuse my use of language but what the fuck! Now i don't think these people intended to kill anyone but in the chaos of rushing to get that flat screen TV or toy for their child i have to wonder how many people say this person lying on the ground and just kept going to get their prize. And i wonder how they feel now knowing what happened. Was it worth it? Would your child have been sad if they didn't get that gift that you rushed in for? It makes me sad to know that this is how society is. We are so focused on the material items that we don't take account for helping another human being.

At a local Wal-Mart her in WV a old woman was pushed down and seriously injured by a man. Over what you may ask yourself? Well allow me to tell you...a blender! He pushed an old woman down with such force that she had to be taken to the hospital over a freaking blender! Now my brother and my dad both work in the meat department at Wal-Mart and they have seen their fair share of violence on Black Friday. Just last year my brother was called to the cooking section to help break up a fight where 2 women were fighting over a pasta pot. They both were holding on to the pot by both handles while beating each other (no this is not a joke) with a spatula and a whisk! Now i ask you was it really that good of a deal?

Since i have family who works at these stores i also get the low down on what is a good deal and what isn't. Did you know that a lot of these stores really are not giving you that much of a deal. For instance a store that i will not name advertised a special on a pan set for $49.99. Now this was only for Black Friday and no other day except for the fact that i was there 2 weeks ago and it was 49.99 then and i am pretty sure that has always been the price on it. I have noticed a lot of deals like this. They say "This item is on sale for one day and one day only" but in reality it is never marked down. It is left at its regular price but because we saw a piece of paper that said sale on it we had to have it. We jump at the chance to save a dollar even if it means we have to act like prehistoric humans hunting for the last Dino egg.

I for one stayed home today. I did some shopping online (which also offers these "Black Friday" sales) and got some nice gifts for my kids. I enjoyed cuddling with my babies and eating leftovers. I say if you want to go fight for a deal that might not be a deal more power to you but you will find me at home kicking off the Christmas season with a cup of hot cocoa and my kids. I prefer not to give or receive a black eye trying to save a buck.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Turkey Day!!!

Well we have already ate at my house. We had a very juice turkey. Last night i prepped it so all i had to do was shove it in the oven this morning. I injected it with garlic butter and stuffed it with tangerines, onions, and celery. It was so moist and yummy. My hubby gave me the best compliment every by saying it was better than his mom's turkey...WHAT? Yay go me!!!! We also had stuffing, kale, mashed potatoes, and gravy made with drippings. I am mad at myself because i forgot roles but i did remember the cranberry sauce. Oh well we have another dinner to go to at 4 with his extended family. I am sure someone there remembered the rolls.
At the dinner table (or lunch table i guess you could say since we ate at noon lol) i went around the table and we all said what we were thankful for. Phabian said he was thankful for his friends Sasha and Raven and the turkey. MJ said he was thankful for mommy and told me he loved me (i know awwwwwww right). Hubby said he was thankful that his wife was a great cook lol (i know, we have so much to be thankful for and that's all he could say). I am thankful for my family and the time we have to spend together.
This morning as i was traveling between the kitchen and the living room i took time to watch bits and pieces of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as it is a tradition in my life. Just watching the kids faces light up when Santa went by is enough to make your heart melt. Oh to be a child again and be able to rejoice in my imagination and make believe characters that bestow gifts upon us for no reason lol.
So i hope everyone has and is having a wonderful holiday with their families. If ya feel up to it share in a comment what you are thankful for today. I am stuffed so i am off to take a quick nap (hubby and the kids are all ready knocked out lol) before I have to go eat again lol.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Quick Update

I just wanted to say thank you all for your prayers for my Grandma. She got her biopsy results back yesterday and it is not cancer. It was a Fibrous Nonmalignant Tumor. So we are all very relieved. She ask the doctor when her bruising would go away and he told her in about 4 weeks. Her poor boobie is all black and blue and she said it is so sore. Thank you all the well wishes and prayers sent her way.

Really....A Bed!

Who needs a new bed? I know i sure do. The bed that hubby and i have is old as all get out and the coils are starting to show through. We have started planning to buy a new bed but i want one that is good for both of us. He likes a harder bed where as i like a softer bed so this is a hard compromise.

So you can imagine my happiness when i looked over at 5 Minutes for Mom and they are giving away a Sleep Number Bed! Seriously!!!!!!!! A queen sized special edition Sleep Number Bed! I can not contain myself. So if you want to know how you can sign up and possibly win this bed her over to 5 Minutes for Mom and check it out.

i don't think this is something you can really pass up. I mean even if you don't need a new bed i bet you know someone who does. Or if you win this one you can give your bed away to someone who needs it. I am just amazed that they are giving this HUGE prize away. So go check it out and sign up to win!

If you don't sign up to win then please pray that i win this cause i reeeeeally need it.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I Have Been Blessed

Blessed by: Martina McBride

I get kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed
When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know
I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

I love this song. It has been stuck in my head for days now. I guess with Thanksgiving coming up fast and Christmas approaching even faster i have been counting my blessings. I have so so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. Even when that means i am a not so great wife he still loves me. He is always there to pick me up when i am not feeling my best and he makes my heart smile when he gives me that look. Everyday i fall more and more in love with this man. He is a hard worker and would do what ever it took to make sure his family has what it needs. He always puts himself last and never ask questions. I don't know what i would do or be without him. He truly is my other half.

Then i have my first born son. I knew from the moment i saw him that my world would never be the same again. This child has more personality than i have ever seen in such a small body. He always is laughing and even when he is sick has a joke or a smile to give. We have our bad days and our good but that is because we are too much a like. He is a mini me if i could have ever imagined one. He is so smart and sweet. He loves to learn and loves to be active.

Then there is my baby. He is always grins and giggles but with a much more serious undertone. He is my strong and silent lil man. Just like his daddy, looks and all. My favorite thing about this precious lil boy is his love of cuddling. When i hurt my back last fall he loved crawling in the bed with me and cuddling for hours. He is a avid cars lover and loves nothing more than to roll his cars over any surface he can reach.

I cannot wait to see how these two little boys grow and develop. They are so intelligent and figure things out so quickly. They both know how to work mommy and daddy (and an entire room for that matter) to a T. These boys (all three of them) have made my life an amazing blessing. They love me and protect me and make me feel like a million dollars everyday. They are my world and i couldn't have ask for more. I have been given the blessing of a life time. I have a truly magical family of my own and through bad and good we love one another. What more could you want.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bad Blogger

Ok Ok i am a bad NaBloPoMo Blogger. I missed yesterday. It is the only day this month i have missed but darn it i just forgot. I didnt realize til about 11:30 when i was laying in bed and by that time i sad forget it and went to sleep. So please forgive me lol!

So i am suppose to be going to my sister's for a bit to work on a test run of her daughter's birthday cake but she hasnt called yet. I am tired as all get out! I need a good 24 hours of straight rest which will never ever ever happen. I am not as crappy feeling as i was the other day but i am still feeling kind of lost.

I hope everyone had a happy Monday!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

....... Thats How I Feel Today

My head is just blank. It has been all day. I cant think straight. Even as i sit here writing this i have a gazillion thoughts all jumbled in my head making it very hard for me to get anything out. I hate when i get like this. I don't really know what it is but i hate it. It is almost like some weird for of ADD or ADHD brought on by stress or anxiety. I have been stressed lately and defiantly not feeling my best.

There seems to be a lot of death happening in my life. Ever time i turn around it seems that someone else has passed away and i just don't know how to deal with it. My mind doesn't comprehend death. I know that everyone says to trust in God and i do but i just don't understand his reasoning. I don't understand how making a mother suffer through a pregnancy knowing her baby will not live helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a mother from her 15 year old child helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a father from his 2 year old son helps anyone! I question these thing and at the same time i know there is a good reason behind it.

My heart and my head hurt right now. I am 22 years old and i have witnessed so much death. I know it is part of life and that is how it works. The minute we are born we start to die. I just don't know how to deal with it. My emotional growth and my ability to comprehend death stops at 15. I revert back into a shell and don't know what to say or do. I feel like i just want to sit in a corner and watch from afar. I don't like funerals or burials. Its not that i don't respect the process but it is hard to say goodbye even to those i didn't know very well. I have to learn...i have to grow...i have to get past this.

I know i need counseling. I do and i know it. I have for a long time. I never saw anyone after my mom died and that is also when i stopped taking the meds that i was on for prior depression. I know i need to talk to someone. I need to seek help. I am not suicidal or anything don't get me wrong i just need to vent. I need to scream at someone and let it all out. I am so tired of being the leaning post for everyone and me having no one to lean on myself. I get tired of having to lean on the same 2 people all the time as i know they are probably tired of it too. I feel like i could just snap and lose it sometimes. My head swims with thoughts and questions. Most of them surround death and my mother and why. I need to be fixed.

I know this is a very raw and emotional post. I hope no one gets scared and runs away lol. I just needed to vent it out on paper (well on screen lol) and get it all out of me before i burst. I feel a little better now but this feeling of heaviness on my chest just isn't letting up. You know that feeling when you are trying not to cry and it makes your chest feel tight and heavy...yea...thats it. I need a hot bubble bath, a cup of hot tea, and a good book...yea...that will help!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Flowers for Ruby

Ruby Mae was born around 10 pm on November 14th. I had thought about her all day long. Her mommy had posted a blog saying that they were sending her to the hospital. And as i sat at dinner with my hubby that night on our four year anniversary i told him the story of this little girl i had never met and how i couldn't stop thinking about her. I came home and read the post that she has been born and lived only a very short time.

Ruby's life had a impact. She made me take time out of my day to thank God for my kids and to pray for her and her family. She made me smile with my kids more often and hug them more than normal. When they would ask mommy for something i gave in more than said no. Ruby touch my life. An anniversary will never pass that i do not think about this beautiful soul that touched me.

If you would like to send flowers to Ruby here is how:

Write a post on your blog and then head over to 5 Minutes for Special Needs and link up on Mr. Linky. I know that Kandy and her family will love to hear from you all. She is a very strong woman and Ruby was well loved by her family and many many others.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


So tomorrow is going to be a rough day. Phabian has school in the morning as usual but tomorrow is Drew's funeral. After Phabian gets out of school we are taking them to a friend and getting ready for the viewing at 11 and then the funeral at 2. It is going to be a long hard day for all of us. I met Drew before i even met my husband. I had no clue they were cousins till after we started dating. Drew was such a sweetheart and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I wish there were more people in this world like him. The world needs more people like Drew!

I just keep thinking about his little boy. His name is Joseph and they call him Jo Jo. I call him Cookie because when he was born, the first time i saw him i said, "He is so cute i could eat him in one bite like a cookie"! He had the sweetest little spot of brown hair on top his head that reminded me of one of those Hershey Kiss cookies. So i have called him Cookie ever since. He is such a Daddy's boy i hope he knows and will always know how much his Daddy loved him.

It makes me cry when i think about another baby growing up without his daddy. I wonder if he will be told what a good man his daddy was or if he will be left to wonder. I didn't know his mother too well and i don't know how good or bad his mom and dad got along. I just know that he deserved to grow up with his Daddy in his life and now he wont get to. It is sad but ultimately i know it was his time and God has a plan.

That in itself is very hard for me to admit. I was angry at God for a very long time after my Mom died. Like Drew my mom was a good person. She would have done anything for anyone and never thought twice about it. I remember thinking if their was a God why did he take the good people? Why did ones who did him justice, who proved that he was good have to be taken away? Why would he leave a 15 year old girl in this cruel world without the guidance of her mother? I remember thinking all of these things and more. I was angry for a long time and it wasn't until i had my first child that i came to peace with God and his plan. I realize that if i had not lost my mother my life would be so different. I would have never met my husband and i would have never given birth to these two beautiful boys. Sometimes i still ask God why but i think that my questions are rhetorical because i don't need to know why i just have to trust that it is the way things have to be in his plan. As hard as that is for me to accept.

So if you all can continue to pray for the family that is grieving the loss of a wonderful son, grandson, cousin, friend, nephew, father, and boyfriend. Pray for me that i may have the right words to comfort my husband and that God will help me deal with my emotions because only he knows that i am not good with this type of thing. Thank you all so very much!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Hi everyone! I hope you all are having a great day!

As a follow up from my post titled Prayer Request i thought i would let you know how my grandma's biopsy went. She had her biopsy yesterday morning and is back home feeling well. The procedure didn't go as smoothly as they had wished. My Grandma is allergic to a lot of medication (basically anything that ends with "cilin" and a lot of other stuff) and some of the anaesthetic they use in surgeries. The did the biopsy using a sonogram which ended up not turning out as clear as they has wished for. It made the procedure run long than expect but they did finally get a tissue sample. I am not sure if they were able to remove the whole mass as i had suggested in the previous post. Because the procedure ran long the anaesthetic they use (which was something different from what they would have normally used) started to wear off during the last 1/3 of the surgery and she was very uncomfortable but not in horrible pain. She went to lunch after wards being very very sore but other than that not feeling too bad. They will get the results from the biopsy next Tuesday! So if you could continue to pray for her (Her name is Chloe for those of you who like to have a name).

Also as an update from my post Not So Happy Day about the passing of my husband's cousin. We have since found out the whole story which as that insinuated there were different stories coming from different people. He did go to the ER and they did give him 2 shots and sent him home with pain pills. He also walked to the store and back before sitting down to watch TV and passing out onto the floor. What has come to light is that his girlfriend waited 20 minutes before calling 911 because she said she did not want to leave his side. I so understand panicking but if someone passes out and has no heart beat a normal person calls 911 immediately right? I mean i have my 3 year old trained to call 911 if something like that ever happens. If my 3 year old can do it i would think a 22 year old woman could do it. Anyways to move on from that they still don't know what happened. His mom requested an autopsy which was preformed Monday and we will have the results in 10 to 15 days. The viewing and funeral is on Friday and i am sure it is going to be a sad day for us all. Drew was loved by so many and as i said before he was such a kind person. My husband went and helped clean out his apartment yesterday and brought a lot of stuff home with him (cds, pictures, and video games) that Drew's mom told him he could keep if he wanted. He still isn't talking much about it but i know that he is hurting. So continued prayers for the whole family as we try to understand and deal with this devastating loss.

i think that is it for now. I am try to wrap my mind around all of this stuff and deal with emotions. I am not good with death and my emotional comprehension kind of halts at about 15 years old. I don't know how to deal with things pertaining to loss and i never have the right words. Sometimes i come across as cold or angry and i don't really know how to fix that. It is a kind of wall i have built after my mom died to not allow me to feel that kind of pain ever again. So please pray for me to have the words i need to help my husband through this time and be strong for him if he needs me to be.

Thanks everyone for the prayers!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Winter Is Upon Us

This is the first snow of the season and it is cold. Now i dont like cold weather at all but i love snow which presents a problems since it has to be cold to snow. Oh well it is beautiful and that is all i care about. It only lasted about 3 hours last night and melted mostly today. We had flurries all day but it didnt amount to anything even though it is like 29 degrees outside. I just am getting the feeling of Christmas now.