Death and a Funeral

Have i ever mentioned here how much i hate attending funerals? I am not really sure if i have so i will.

I really hate going to viewings, wakes, funerals, graveside services. Really anything having to do with the death of someone.

I believe this stems from the fact that i watched my grandma buried when i was 14 followed by my mother less then 4 months later, a month after my 15th birthday.

I also hate hospitals. to be more specific i hate going to the hospital to visit people who are dying. I spent a week straight sleeping in the waiting room of a hospital watching my mom die. I went home for a bath one time in that week because i was too scared she would die if i left.

The smell, the tubes, the doctors, the nurses, the tape, the machines! It all makes my stomach absolutely turn. Even the knowledge of going to a hospital makes me panic.

For these reasons i avoid as much as possible putting myself in these situations.

Unfortunately, sometimes things happen and we can not avoid facing life.

Back in September my Great Uncle who we called Unc was diagnosed with late stage prostate cancer. By the time they discovered it, the cancer had already spread to his lungs and liver. Needless to say the prognosis was not good. We still had faith. My family is very VERY strong in our faith. We know that sometimes the answer is not what we want to hear but none the less God always answers us.

(I will not go into details about his care because it is a whole other post to itself. I might write about it here later so that it can be a light to others. He was treated in a way that no person should ever be treated.)

Back in early November i went to visit Unc at the hospital. On the way there my husband watched as i started to panic. The closer we got to the hospital, the more i started to breathe deep, close my eyes longer, anything to keep from busting into uncontrollable sobs.

We visited with him that day for about 2 hours. His daughter, and one of my favorite people, walked us out. She hugged us and thanked us for coming. We talked and then departed. At the time no one thought he would make it through the week.

Fast forward to December 2nd, I received the call i had been dreading. Unc passed away peacefully with his family by his side.

Now to explain why i was dreading this i have to admit that i was being a bit selfish. I was not dreading his passing because i wanted him with me. Not that kind of selfish. He is much better off where he is now. Their is no pain or sorrow for him anymore. He is at peace with his family who went before him. I was selfish because i knew with his death came a funeral. And the thought of it made me panic.

The viewing was Saturday night. It went smoothly. I managed to force myself up to the casket to say my goodbyes. He looked great. Better then he did in the hospital. The peace on his face is only something that comes with death and the removal of the stress of this world.

I spent time with family who was in from out of state. We laughed. We looked at pictures. We cried a bit when someone told us a story about how Unc had helped them. He had 4 children, 6 grandchildren, and 4 great grandkids. He was blessed and we were blessed to have him.

Sunday was the grave side service. They opted for this rather then a service. I was thankful. Having to watch the coffin be closed for the last time is one of the hardest things for me.

As we stood around the grave side and listened as his kids and friends all spoke i laughed and sniffled. It was cold, and snowy. My feet were freezing. My heart way heavy. But i was amazed i was doing so well. And then it happened. A friend of Unc's daughters sang Amazing Grace.

I lost it. My legs went weak and my heart broke into. This is a song that they frequently sing at funerals. But for me it is the song they sang at my mom's. It is the song she sang to me as a child to calm me and put me to sleep. It is the song she sang while she cooked or at church on Sunday morning.

In the back of my head i heard her singing and i absolutely lost all the composure i had strained to keep.

This is why i hate this part of life. It is hard for me. I am stunted at 15 emotionally when it comes to death. I don't know how or if it is even possible for me to be able to get over it. All i know is at that moment and any other like this that i have faced, i break down to a heartbroken, devastated teen.

I don't remember anymore where i was going with this post or how i should end it, so i will share a memory.

Unc always had a nickname for everyone. If he called you by your given name it was probably because he didn't know you that well. My Aunt Kay was always Kadeedid, His daughter Kim was always Kimbo, my Brother was always Lil Bean (Unc was Big Bean) and me....I was Pickle Head. This could be because he just liked the name or it could be because for a whole year of my toddler years i would eat nothing but green beans and pickles. Either way it is a great memory for me.

Update On Phabian and Other Randomness

Phabian had his follow up with the Plastic Surgeon yesterday. Honestly he didn't tell us anything we didn't already know. Just a little reassurance that everything looks good and is healing properly. It actually took me longer to fill out all the paper work then it did for him to talk to us. We go back on Tuesday for another check.

Phabian went to school today. I kept him home Wednesday because the school was acting like it was too much of a hassle for him to be there. They said he wasn't focused and his arm was hurting him. Well DUH! He has a 2nd degree burn on his arm. I think i would be crying my eyes out, but not Phabian. He just tells you if it hurts and goes on with what he was doing. Anyways, I let him go today because, well honestly, i needed him to go. I needed the break and since he wasn't in pain (or minimal at least) i told him he needed to go. He was actually excited. He hates, and i mean HATES to miss school.

Tomorrow is Sione's 1st birthday. I am still in shock i think. It hasn't registered that i am no longer the mom of a newborn. He is actually a toddler and in many ways it breaks my heart. This time last year i think i was sitting mad on my couch, swearing that this child would never come out. Today i was one whole day past due and completely done. At the same time i was being patient and knew he would come when he was ready (or at least hoping he would haha).

I am stuck in this hole of emotions. I am excited that my baby is turning 1. I am sad that another year has passed by so fast and that my baby is growing up even faster. I am mourning the fact that i might never get to do this again (by choice of course) and it seems like it went by way too fast. I am dreading the days that i know will only go faster from here. How else do you explain the fact that i have an almost 6 and 5 year old when just a few days ago they were born? But most importantly i am feeling blessed that i have 3 healthy, beautiful children and a loving, supportive, hard working husband.

Time just moves too quickly. There is so much that takes away from enjoying those moments that are so fleeting. You have to work extra hard to capture the memories and enjoy the special moments. I can honestly say that this past year has been amazing. We have struggled, we have had ups and downs, but most of all we have lived, loved, laughed, and enjoyed our family.

And in the end i think that is what truly matters.

Fall, Autumn, Harvest, Autumnal Equinox...

What ever you call it, it means the same thing. I personally like the word Autumn just because it makes me feel all warm inside! It tis my favorite season!

When i think of Fall a lot of memories pop out in my head from my childhood.

One of my favorite parts of Autumn is the food. It is all centered around keeping us full and warm. It provides us with comfort when days can become drawn out and dreary.

I have distinct memories of my Mom filling our house with the smell of yummy, stomach stretching meals. Usually followed by some sort of warm dessert.

One of my favorites has to be beef roast (always done in the oven cause that is how my Mama rolled {and it kept the lower level of our house warm lol}) with potatoes, carrots, onions, and a thick brown gravy always made from the drippings. Usually by the end of summer/beginning of fall there was some kind of cobbler to be made and served to already stuffed tummies. My favorite will always and forever be my Mom's peach cobbler.

I would have walked (and still would) a mile in knee high snow for this meal. There was something about it that just made me feel at home and comforted. Of all the things my mom cooked, these dishes are ones i wish i would have paid more attention to, and learned how to cook them for myself.

Autumn to me also means family. One of the biggest and most family oriented holidays fall in the Autumn. That's right people i speak of Turkey Day/Thanksgiving!

Although when most people think of this specific holiday they think mostly about food I always loved the family aspect of it. I love that the food is just what brings us all together. I could go into why we celebrate this holiday and why we gather together for it but i wont. I am sure we all went to school at some point and time and remember the story of the Pilgrims and the Indians. I am sure we all recognize the the Autumn season is the season of harvests. Hence the food and the gathering together to be thankful for a crop.

As i have said before i married into a large family. Holidays are always crazy for us. Thanksgiving is especially crazy. Usually i cook a small meal for the kids, Marcus, and I in the early afternoon because we don't eat with his family till evening. It is a day where we are well fed and much loved.

There is always a football game on that needs to be watched as well as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (that i think only stands to remind us that Christmas is now just around the corner). There is usually a mid day nap taken because you must digest all this food before pigging out again. Then comes the big family gathering. Thirty plus people usually shoved into a small house or building chowing down and filling themselves with warm food and good fellowship.

This Fall brings a new joy for us. This Autumn will not be like any other Autumn. This year we will be adding a new member to our family. We will have one more thing to warm our hearts and fill our souls with joy.

Little Sione' is due to arrive 15 days before Thanksgiving, 3 days before our 5th wedding anniversary. Although i know that he may not attend his first large family gathering, and i know i will miss being there for it, i also know that nothing could be more joyful and make me more thankful than adding this beautiful baby boy to our family.

Yes Fall is my favorite season for many, many reasons. Food, Football, Friends, Fellowship, and most of all Family! The 5 F's of Fall!!!

Where Did You Get Those Eyes???

Ever wonder how genetics really work? Have you ever looked at one of your children and wondered where they got those big blue eyes or that hair from?

Genetics have always amazed me. How can two people have multiple children together that look completely different? I don't have to look far for DNA to just confuse me all to heck. All i need is a picture of my Mom and her sisters to really make me go how did that happen. Or even to look at my own children.

Example A of my utter confusion with genetics in my Mom and Aunts. They are all about 2 years apart. They have the same parents but yet all 3 of them look nothing alike.

My Mom, the eldest, was of average height at about 5'4''. She had hair much like mine (or mine much like hers) with multiple colors weaved together that naturally turn in the sun (i know lucky us). She didn't have fair skin but it was not dark or olive toned either. She, as do I, tanned easily and hardly ever burned. Her eyes were green for the most part but often turned with either mood or clothing (as do mine, yet i am told i look nothing like her). My Mom it seems was a perfect mix of both her mother and father.

(Sorry no adult picture of my Aunt Linda)

The second born, my Aunt Linda, took solely after her father (my Grandpa) who was 75% Native American Indian. She is on the taller end of average at about 5'7''. Her hair is like black silk. I always envied her hair and wished i would have gotten that gene. She has dark brown eyes that are both mysterious and demanding. Linda has dark olive toned skin. She gets even darker when out in the sun.

The baby of the family, my Aunt Kay, took after her mother (my Grandma). She is the shortest of all the kids barley reaching 5 foot tall. Her hair is and always has been golden blond and even white as the summer sun bleaches it out even more. Her eyes are baby blue and it always made me sooooo jealous. Kay's skin has always been very fair. She does not burn easily (thanks to the large amount of Indian blood we contain) but never much cared for the sun as an adult.

When you put these 3 together they looked more of best friends than sisters. Just 3 little girls who might have bonded over ice cream at a sleep over instead of being raised in the same house hold at the same table.

My next example would be my own children! Yea i know you didn't have to go far for that one did you.

Phabian looks much like me as a child. He is tall and slender. He has green eyes that change daily and brown thick hair. His skin is much darker than mine but alas his father is black (brown, African American, whatever you wanna call it). He has my head shape and a lot of my personality.

MJ, well he is kind of a mystery to us. He looks, by all facial and stature structures, like his father. He is short and stocky. He has a very round head shape with dark brown eyes. Yet somehow he has managed to gain blond hair (which i had as a child til age 4) and "white" skin. He is also personality wise much like his father.

Side by side you might not guess that they have the same parents. This leads me to wonder and think a lot about what Sione' will look like.

Will he be darker than Phabian? Will he be "white" like MJ? Will he have black hair or take after one of his brothers? Will his eyes be blue like Phabian's were when he was born or will he have a more honey/hazel color?

This all swirls around in my mind. I think it is the hardest yet most exciting part of pregnancy. You want to envision what your baby will look like but there is just no telling how the genetics will mix. Some people have kids that all look the same or take after one parent. Others have multiple kids that look absolutely nothing alike.

I know one thing though...I can hardly wait to see Sione' and welcome him into his mixed up, crazy looking, very different family!

There Is Gunna Be Some Changin Round Here...

So as the title suggest there is going to be some changes made to our lives in the next few months. And, no, I am not just referring to the addition of another child.

I am in the beginning of a complete overhaul of our ways. Everything from the kids behavior, to chores, to cleaning, and beyond.

With this pregnancy has also come the need to make things as simple as possible not only for me but for the rest of my family. We all know the sayings, "A happy Mama is a happy family" or "If Mama ain't happy, no one is happy", right? Well that is what we are working on.

I feel like i spend way to much time asking for things to get done and inevitably end up doing them myself. This often leaves me stressed, tired, and angry. In turn i then spend the rest of my time bitching about not receiving any help, or how things just are not working out the way we have them now.

So i have decided to stop bitching and start implementing a new plan. It started last week when i did a complete overhaul of our closets and dressers. I went through every piece of clothing in this house and gave away what we didn't need, want, or wear. I also went through shoes, blankets (am i the only one who has a gazillion blankets and no clue where they came from?), sheets...etc. This is the results:

One 10 gallon bucket of blankets/sheets/pillowcases

One 10 gallon container of shoes

And what ended up being 8 bags of clothes and another 2 bag of blankets.

I feel lighter in a way having all of this stuff that never got used out of the house and going to people who truly need them.

The next thing we are working on is a massive clean up and organization party (or that's what i am calling it).

So far i have managed to get the kids room, my room, and the living room completely rearranged and cleaned from top to bottom. Next on the list is the harder rooms like the dinning room, kitchen, and laundry room. Those are the rooms where we eat cook and do a lot of things that usually require daily cleaning so we saved those for last.

As far as behaviors go we are working on things one step at a time. It begins with taking responsibility for their things. When they come in the house and take off their shoes they go by the door and no where else. If they take off their clothes they go into the designated laundry basket (there are 3 one for the kids, one for mommy and daddy, one for daddy's work clothes). Toys are to be picked up every night before bed and put in the toy box. If i or daddy have to pick them up they go away for awhile not to be played with until they earn them back. They lost the TV in their room on Sunday since they refused to clean and wont get it back until Sunday if and only if they can keep their room clean for the rest of the week. Seems like a fair deal to me.

Other things we are working on with them is indoor vs outdoor behavior. Screaming and yelling along with running, jumping, and flipping are to be done outside not in the house. We are working on attitudes and how we speak to people if we want people to respond nicely to us. If they want to cry of have a tantrum they must do it in the privacy of their own room and come out only when they are done.

My sister is making me a star reward chart to help implement these new changes. They can earn up to 10 stars a day and 70 a week. They get these stars by following the 10 rules (which are board to encompass the difference in age). If at the end of each day they have earned at least 8 stars they get a small treat like a candy or some special treat and at the end of the week if they have at least 50 out of 70 stars they get a prize like a small toy or something similar. If at the end of 4 weeks they have at least 200 out of the possible 280 they will get a trip to say Chuck-E-Cheeze or the Toy Store or something similar.

I think this will work great because the school they attend does a similar system. They get hand stamps at the end of the day all week and if they get all their hand stamps Mon - Thurs they get to pick a treasure from the treasure box on Friday. I will update you more about this who chart and how it is working as we get into it.

As for my husband and I we are going to have to do some compromising of chores. He is usually responsible for the kitchen since i do all the cooking but i have come to realize i hate having to tell him 20 times a day to wash the dishes.

So my new idea is that i will wash the morning dishes that the kids and I use while he is at work and then he can be responsible for cleaning up after dinner in the evening. Other compromises are to come I am sure.

Other things going on with us include cutting out nap time for the boys. It is a long time coming but not only will it make it easier to get them up and ready for school in the mornings but it means they will be in bed and asleep by no later than 8. With them in bed early it will make things easier once Sione gets here. I am going to need that time to either go to bed early myself or have me time once they are in bed.

Also i will be moving dinner time up to 5 so we can all eat before we go to the football field. Practice during the week is from 6 to 8 and we will need to have already eaten so they can come home, maybe have a snack if they need it, and be bathed and in bed no later than 8:30. Thank God Little League Football is only a few more months.

So i am sure there are some things i have forgotten to mention but for now this is long enough and all i can really think of. Any ideas, suggestions, and comments are welcomed and appreciated.

For Lack of Words

Since i really dont have anything to say and since i am in need of a beach and dont have one here is a video from our vacation back in April! Ahhh the sound of the waves crashing and kids squealing. And the feel of the sand and waves on my toes. I wanna go back right now!

Jesus Take The Wheel

I cannot get this song out of my head. I have it on repeat on my computer. I just sit here crying and listening to it. The words say so much of what i want to say right now. I just want to scream out to God to take the wheel because i can't drive this car anymore.

My head is spinning, I am overwhelmed!

I never expected to get a break when i had kids. Honestly when i had Phabian i never even thought i would need it. I thought i would be SUPERMOM! I would do it all and never complain.

I would wash the dishes and clean the house. Make the beds, wash, and fold the laundry. Feed, bathe, and coddle the kids. I would have dinner hot and waiting on the table when my perfect hubby came home from a hard days work. I would sing and kiss the kids goodnight all with a smile on my face!

I would never be too tired or to frustrated. I would never scream or yell. I would never ignore or try to escape for a few moments of silence. I would not be THAT mom.

Because THAT mom is not SUPERMOM.

She was the one in the store with the screaming toddler out of control. She was the one who looked like she hadn't had a good nights sleep in years. She is the one who's house is disorderly, with dishes piled beside the sink waiting to be washed. With mounds of laundry way past needing to be done. With trash over flowing from the bin because she is too tired to take it out. She is the one who collapses into bed and prays that tomorrow will be different. She also prays for patience and sanity, compassion and forgiveness.

I was never, EVER going to be THAT mom!

Guess what???

I am THAT mom!

I am begging for a break. I am praying to God to help me. I spend many days yelling instead of loving. I go to bed at night hoping that tomorrow will be just an ounce better than today or yesterday. I pray that i will have patience and can keep it together. I cry because i am so frustrated and exhausted.

There is so much that needs to be done and often i spend the day looking at it all overwhelmed and just too exhausted to get it all done. Dinner is never on the table when my husband gets home from work. The laundry is always piled up and the dishes often go undone.

The beds are never made and often i just want to forget that i even got up out of it.

What i have realized through all of this and thanks to many other bloggers is that i am not alone and that the REAL supermom is the one who gets up every morning and does it even when she doesn't want to or know how to.

I am not perfect and for that matter i don't know if perfect exists. I try and that is all i can do most days. I have good days and bad. I complain and i bitch but in the end holding those beautiful kids in my arms and knowing that they love me despite my imperfections is enough to get me out of bed in the morning.

I still need a break. I need a day to myself. I need to breathe. But until i get that then i will do what i can and life will go on.

How Blessed Am I?

Just a note: My giveaway is still open and will be open for entries until May31st at 10 PM Eastern Time. Please make sure you get your entries in by then so you have a chance to win some beautiful things.
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Yesterday was a drab, cool day here. I was struggling to find the joy in the day. It was overcast and only in the mid 60's. Not what you think of when it is suppose to be the opening for summer fun.

I needed something to lift my spirit and smack some sense into me. I found just that in Megan's blog Fried Okra. Megan is such a beautifully elegant writer and i can only dream of being able to say things half as perfectly as she does.

Yesterday she posted about how blessed she is to have her family. And as i read through her words i began to cry.

How often do we forget to enjoy instead of complain? How often do we get caught up in our day to day struggles and forget that all that truly matter is that we are all here? How often do we struggle to find the sunshine amidst all the clouds?

Yesterday was that day for me. It didn't start out well at all. There were issues with money that, honestly, had both my husband and I in tears, the kids seemed to be feeling like that was the time to tear my house apart, it was cold and cloudy on a day when we needed it to be sunny and warm, and everything just seemed to be going down the proverbial drain.

After reading Megan's post it was like my spirit just lifted and i was looking at this impossible day differently. Her words about how blessed she was to have this wonderful family made me cringe in the fact that i hadn't thought about that all day long. I was too busy wallowing in my own self pity.

So i decided i needed to turn my attitude around and start looking for the good in my life.

First i spent a good 30 minutes hugging my husband and showing him the upside of our financial issue. We are by no means in a bad way. We are all fed, clothed, and want for nothing. We have a roof over our heads and shoes on our feet. My kids are not crying for anything because they have it all. God has blessed us to be able to make it past many struggles and this will be another.

We hugged and cried and told one another we loved each other. And in that moment i realized that i am so incredibly lucky to have a husband as devoted, strong, and willing to cry with me as my man is. I often find myself bitching at him instead of supporting him and i want that to change. He is a hard working man who loves his family more than life itself and i need to nurture that.

Later he surprised me by taking the kids to his Mom's and taking me to a quiet dinner just the two of us. Now before you go "saying i thought you were broke!", we figured out a solution even though it wasn't what I wanted to do. I trusted my husband and his opinion and we went with his idea for once.

Today i am working on loving every moment of my children still being children.

Motherhood is not easy by any means. Right now for instance i am pregnant, hot, hormonal, my patience is the size of a grain of sand, and my energy level is non-existent on most days, but do my boys care about all that? NO!!!

All they care about is Mommy's love and time. I want to try to give them as much of that as i can. They grow so fast and i feel like i have missed so much of that. I don't know where i was when they turned from infants to toddlers and now toddlers to preschoolers? What happened and where did all this time go!?!

It has been almost 5 years since we found out we were expecting Phabian. I remember carrying him those 37 weeks and cherishing the feeling of him moving inside me. I remember the joy on my husband's face as he held his son for the first time. I remember brushing my finger against his face when he was handed to me for the first time. I never knew that love could be that strong and that endless.

Here we are 4 years later and i couldn't imagine my life without him in it. He is perfect in every way. He is my joker. He loves to learn and question life as he sees it happen. He has grown so much. From a small 5 lb 10 ozs and 18 1/2 ins to a big 37 lbs and 40 ins tall. He is a daddy's boy but love attention from just about anyone. He smiles forever and i hope to remember that even on the worst of days.

It has been almost 4 years since we found out that MJ was on his way. I remember being so excited and at that same time terrified to figure out how i would handle 2 under 2. When we discovered he was indeed a he i was a little let down but quickly discovered that the love of 2 sons could never be replicated.

Marcus could not have been more excited to have 2 handsome sons and neither could I. We relished in that first year, knowing that we would not have another baby for quite some time. MJ has done some growing of his own. Form 6 lbs 2 ozs and 18 3/4 ins to a whopping 30 lbs and 35 1/2 ins tall. It seems like my time with him has flown by faster. My pregnancy didn't seem to last as long although it did by one week. His first year flew like a balloon losing air. And now he will be starting school in the fall??? When, why, how is this all possible.

I know that my time, come this fall, will be consumed mostly by caring for a newborn, but i do not want my boys to feel like they are losing their mommy. They will always hold such special and individual pieces of my heart. They are each uniquely different in their own special ways. Phabian playing golf with his Granddaddy and MJ a cuddle bug with his mommy. I am sure this new baby will fit right in with his/her happy family.

So today i am putting down my camera, and i am going to relish in creating some memories with my children. I want to remember the smiles on their faces and the light in their eyes. I want to capture in my brain forever the sunlight as it reflects off their sweet cherub faces. I want to cherish the sweet smell of pool water on their skin and the sound of the silly words that slip across their lips.

And when i tuck them into bed tonight i will pray that God will allow me another day to do the same. We are not promised tomorrow and sometimes we forget that. I want to make today my tomorrow and so forth and so forth. I want to take it all in and hold it in my memory and heart forever. I don't want anymore of these moments to pass me by.

What Kind Of Parent Are You?

I was scrolling through my reader this morning (as i normally do every morning) and got to reading Jen's blog Rolling Through Looneyville! Now i read her blog all the time but today's post brought up a few thoughts in my mind about different parenting styles and how they work for you/me/us.

In her post she linked to this video of ABC News. In the video they talk about how we try to protect our kids from everything. Helmets, leashes, tracker devices, Glovies, the list goes on and on. Then they ask how much is too much? When are we going over board with safety? How much of the world should we just let our kids experience on their own?

I find myself somewhere in the middle of the OCD parent and the Free Range Parent. You might remember this story from last year about the lady who let her 9 year old son ride the subway by himself in NYC! Now i can not say that i would ever, EVER do that but at the same time i don't think i need to wash my kids hands 50 times a day.

When i had my first child i remember saying to myself and my sister, "My kids will never have sugar!", and "I will never let my kid put dirty things in his mouth or eat off the floor!".

Here i am 4 years later and my kids have eaten dirt, stuck things in their mouths that don't usually go in your mouths, eaten off the floor, used public restrooms and forgot to wash their hands, drank sugar, watched tv, fell and bumped their heads, skinned their knees, and lived to tell the tales.

Now am i suggesting that you don't wash you kids hands when they go into what may be an unsanitary place? Heck no but i also don't suggest having a melt down ever time you kid touches something that you don't deem spotless.

I have always said to each their own when it comes to parenting styles. My own sister is very different about certain things then i am. I personally go by the motto of "God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt"! Apparently there are scientist who agree with me!

My kids are healthy despite all the above mentioned things. Honestly they have never really had more than the common cold. Phabian is 4 and just had his first ear infection after his 4th birthday. So i guess for the most part (and God's blessings) i am not doing all that bad on my parenting.

There are a lot of things i would like to do differently. I would love to eat organic and use green products. I would love to sanitize things more and keep my kids safer from the major things. I do believe the world has changed since i was a kid. There are more germs, drug resistant strains of infections, more deadly flues and diseases. I just don't think it is possible to protect our kids from every single thing out there.

So i do the best i can. I wash their hands at appropriate times. I put a helmet on them when they ride their bikes. I clean a scrape when one happens. I take them to the doctor when it is needed. And i pray that God will keep them safe when i can not.

So i would love some feedback here. What is your parenting style? Do you fall under OCD, Free Range, or somewhere in the middle? Let me know what you think! Write you own post and link to it so i can read. You heard from me now let me know i am not alone lol!

P.S. I promise there is a giveaway to come. It is my sister's company that is just in the beginning stages and i am waiting on her to send me all the pictures and information i need. I cant wait to share with you all her beautiful creations.

Busy Is My Middle Name

So i have been a busy girl lately and not in an interesting way. I have so much on my plate and no real jumping off place. I have just been feeling overwhelmed and under stimulated. Its like i have all these things to do, not enough time to do them in, and not enough energy or inspiration to do them. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Phabian's birthday is in a week. He will be 4!!! My baby, my first born, will be 4 years old! I, being the bad mommy i am right now, have neglected to plan a party. I dont know how i managed to let it slip my mind but some how we are now a week from his birthday and i have not planned a single detail or sent out any invitations. I know the when and the where i just dont know the how. The party will end up being at my house next Sunday as it is too late to rent anywhere else. I know he wants a Sponge Bob party and i plan on making the cake myself. I just dont know much of anything else. No clue what food to fix or what games to play. I feel like such a bad mommy!

Also this weekend i also have to have the cake ready that i meantioned yesterday. It has to be ready by Saturday. Phabian's cake has to be done by Sunday. I on top of this all have to work this week. I think i am having a hard time adjusting to the working Mom thing. My days go something like this:

Wake up at 7am and get Phabian ready for school.
Take Phabian too school, come home feed MJ breakfast.
Go back at 11 and pick Phabian up.
Come home and feed kids lunch.
Get them ready to go to daycare.
Get in the car and take them to day care at 1:30.
Be at work at 2 til 10.
Come home, eat dinner, take shower, collapse in bed!

I do this Monday through Friday! It is always non stop, go go go! I am not use to this. I barley see Phabian during the week and it breaks my heart. By the time the weeked rolls around i am so exhausted from the week that i dont have the energy to do much of anything. My house is a wreck because i havent been able to bring myself to clean. My kids are getting more and more mouthy and i feel like i am not discipling them as well or i am letting things slide when i shouldnt. I keep taking on new things knowing i really dont have the time to do them.

I am losing my SuperMom status. I need this job and i enjoy it. It is my time to be an adult away from kids and house work, but when does it cross a line. I dotn want to be that mom that never sees her kids and never has time to clean and when i do i am so pooped that i can barley open my eyes.

Then on top of all of it we are still doing the TTC thing. I was fine after Week 4 "Not Pregnant" and Week 5 "Not Pregnant" and Week 6 got me a little down. Week 8 made me sad and now at Week 9 i just want to cry! I know i am being impatient but darn it i want this. I wanted this a year ago but hubby talked me into waiting. "We" werent ready a year ago. I was but WE werent. Now i am just waiting and hoping! I know 9 weeks is a very short amount of time but i cant help but think how fat it happened for us before. It scares me and all i can do is pray that God will bless us soon before i lose my mind.

So i guess what this ended up being was me whining again! I am sorry guys as i know you get tired of it. I dont mean to be a whiny butt! I hope you all will hang in there with me till i have some good news. Plus i owe you all about 10 post i have been promissing forever. Add that to my list of things i need to do but dont have time to.

My Birthday

So Monday was my birthday! I am officially 23! I don't really know what to say about 23. It isn't really a milestone birthday but more just a new number. It isn't like 16, 18, 21, or other numbers that hold importance. Twenty-three is just that...23! However i did have a great birthday!

See my sister Chelsie's birthday is Saturday (Yes she is a Valentine baby and she hates it. Kinda like having a birthday on Christmas.) So we always celebrate the whole 5 days from my birthday to hers cause we are awesome like that. This week has been great so far.

Monday my husband was off so i got to sleep in. We went to take the car to the shop (no that isn't the fun part). After we dropped it off we walked the few blocks to the mall and bought my new phone and got him a phone (finally I can keep track of him muawhahaha j/k). Then i met up with Chelsie and we went to lunch at Tidewater Bar and Grill. Then she took me to her house so i could get some cuddle time in with the cutest baby girl ever! (Now that isn't why she really took me to her house. I didn't have my house keys so i really didn't have a choice lol) I met up with my hubby and picked the kids up from the sitter. We went home and ordered Chinese for dinner...YUMMO!

Tuesday i had to get up and take Phabian to school. My friend Nikki came over to babysit (and wait on my bed to be delivered) while Chelsie and I went and got massages. Yes i said the M word and it was great. A whole hour of someone with magic hands rubbing my body with delicious smelling lotion all while relaxing music filled a dimly lit room. I think i am in love!!! After we left there we went to lunch at Chili's (which happens to be where my husband, Chelsie's boyfriend, and Chelsie all work). We left their and i went home to view my new bedroom suit! Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then last night my Hubby took Chelsie and I to dinner at Hibachi Japanese Steak House (which for those who don't know it is like Benni Hanna's). We had a great dinner and a lot of fun just joking with one another.

Today we really don't have any plans but that doesn't rule anything out cause we are once again awesome like that lol. I will have another post coming soon with pictures of all the great stuff i used my income taxes for. I have been listing off all this stuff and not really telling you much about it. I hope you all have been doing well while i have been off enjoying my birthday fiesta.

P.S. I also got my Wii Fit yesterday but that gets a post all to itself!

Go Steelers WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Ok so as previously stated in other posts i am a HUGE football fan. So just like millions of other Americans, February 1st is a day when we all enjoy good food, good friends, and GREAT football.

Today we wont be having a party or at least not to my knowledge but friends are always welcome! We will however be cooking on the grill and enjoying what should be a great game! My husband went to the store last night and bought 2 slabs of ribs which makes me think that maybe we are expecting company that i don't know about. He bough stuff to make his yummy spicy peach BBQ sauce. We have charcoal and a grill. Today is going to be rockin!

The weather has let up and the sun is shinning. It is going to be about mid 50's today which makes for perfect grilling weather (and football weather also). I will probably make some collard greens, mac-n-cheese, and salad to accompany the ribs. We will have my buffalo chicken dip, Maggie's Salsa, and Maggie's Queso for snacks. Only thing left to get is some beer for hubby and some soda for me! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do i sound excited? I really am!!! My Pittsburgh Steelers are facing off against the Arizona Cardinals!!!!!!! Now i have every bit of faith that my #1 ranked defense (including my lovely Troy Polamalu) can hold off the Cardinals offense! Where i get a little shakey is my faith in Big Ben! I love the guy but he hasnt had the best season. We are ranked 17th (206.3 Avg) in passing yards where as the Caridinals are ranked 2nd (292.1 Avg). We crush them though with out rushing years on average getting 105.6 to their 73.6. It should be an interesting game.

I really was hoping to see Eagles vs Steelers to have a Pennsylvania showdown of sorts but apparently Donovan McNabb lost his mind in the last playoff game of the season (or you could say his catch up game, which usually works for him, failed at the last minute). What worries me even more is the fact that Arizona is the underdog! We all know the underdog is powerful! When you have nothing to lose you just go out there and play ball!

I like to compare it to the WVU Fiesta Bowl Game in 2008 where they whooped Oklahoma. No one though WVU had a chance in that game and we turned that in our favor. We came out and played like nobody's business. It is fun to play ball when you dont have anything to lose, and Arizona doesn't.

So like many others today i will be picking my side (Go Steelers!!!) and parking it in front of the TV to cheer them on! The last game of the season and i am going to enjoy it! Then i will do what i always do and paitently wait till next season rolls around so i can pray that my Raiders may make a comeback and if they dont i can cheer on the Steelers who will hopefully be the reigning Super Bowl XLIII Champs!!!!!!!!

Will Work For Quiet

So i think i am the only person in the world who is excited to go to work. I mean really excited. Work is my break from the kids and although i would much rather be at a nice restaurant, having a fantastic meal, work will do.

When i am at work i don't have to talk to anyone. I can do my job while being in complete silence. When i do talk to someone it is, at least, an adult i am talking to and not a child. I can keep my nose to the grindstone and get it done all while being in my own head and not having to yell "NO", "STOP", "DON'T" every 5 minutes.

I don't mean to sound like i don't love my kids or like i just wanna run away but i do sometimes. Sometimes i need some me time and that is what work is for me. Making salsa in that little shop is my ME time. I get to focus on what i am doing and it doesn't involve wiping a nose, butt, or anything else of a disgusting nature. I can relax and sing along to the radio or joke with the other girls i work with. No matter what i don't have to yell and that is amazing to me.

On a different note, it snowed last night. I mean really snowed (or at least for us it was really snowing). We got 3 inch in my yard of the fluffiest white snow. It is still snowing now on and of and is suppose to do that all day. I love the snow and it makes the cold worth it.

I wish the kids weren't all snotty because i would love to let them go outside and play in it. It is so rare that we actually get snow anymore. When i was a keep we use to get feet at a time and now we are luck if we get a foot total all winter. We use to have to get a foot before we even got a 2 hour delay at school and now they get out for 3 inches. Things have changed.

My kids are so amazed by the snow. More amazed than i ever was. Probably because they never see it like i did. I was use to 3 foot of snow and i loved it but it wasn't exciting. Phabian exclaimed last night, "This is the biggest snow i have ever sawed," and outside of the bad grammer he was slightly right.

So here is to snow angels and 3 foot of snow. I hope you enjoy it for those of you who have it.

Oh yea don't forget to pop over to my research post and leave me a comment. I am still looking for all the participants i can get.

I Have Figured It Out

As i have previously mentioned Marcus and I will start TTC soon and i have had a lot of worry and anxiety about this. I desperately want another baby but for some reason i have been so nervous and worried. I had up to this point not been able to put my finger on why i was feeling this way but after a long talk with Marcus last night i think i have gotten to the bottom of it.

I was 18 when i got pregnant with Phabian. I knew that complications could arise in pregnancy (as i had read every book under the sun about pregnancy) but outside of miscarriages (not to make that sound light) i had never experienced any loss as far a children in my family go. When i got pregnant with MJ i naturally assumed that since my pregnancy with Phabian had went so well i would have no problems. When they went in to do an Echo on MJ at 20 weeks (heart problems have been known to happen in Marcus' family) i never thought of anything since Phabian's went by so uneventfully. Then the doctor said this and in exactly these words, "We detected a white spot on the baby's heart and that is a sign of downs syndrome along with other problems. We need to do an amnio and some other test and then you can decide on whether to terminate."

I panicked and started wailing. I would never have ever thought about termination but the thought of my precious baby being sick was not what any parent wants to hear. I was terrified. After praying about it and having my cousin who is a RN do some research for me i learned the statistics and put it in God's hands. If there was something wrong with MJ we would find out after he had been brought into this world. Needless to say MJ was born 100% healthy and we never spoke another word about it.

When Chelsie became pregnant with Nadia we naturally assumed everything would go smooth. She already had one very uneventful pregnancy and there was no reason why things shouldn't be the same this time around. When we found out, when i got the call that day, that something was wrong my stomach dropped. I knew the feeling cause it was the same one i had when they told me something was wrong with MJ. I hung up the phone and cried. We didn't know right then exactly what was wrong or where this journey would take us.

Little Angel Nadia was born on August 31 2007. She was already in heaven even though she was entering this Earth. My heart broke not only because of the loss of my beautiful niece but for the pain that Chelsie had to endure. No one should ever have to bury a child...ever. Nadia touched our lives in her short time in her mommy's belly and in our world, but what we wouldn't have given to have her hear with us today.

You never think that things like this could happen to you or someone you love. You never get pregnant thinking something could be wrong. You never think is my baby going to have something wrong that could cause them not to be born alive. You don't think about these things because they could never happen to you or the loved ones you have...until they do.

Once they do happen it is all you think about. It is all you know. Anytime someone say i'm pregnant you want to tell them anything that could go wrong and tell them to prepare for the worst just in case. You are so worried that instead of just being happy you spend your time praying that God make this baby whole and healthy. This is where i am. This is what my anxiety is all about.

I am so scared because now i know how real the 1 in 10,000 or 1 in 2,000 statistic is. I know that just because it shouldn't statistically happen to you doesn't mean that it wont. It hit close to home and now it scares the hell outta me. It breaks my heart when i think about all the women i have met since who have had to say goodbye too soon to their babies. Kandy had to say goodbye to Ruby, Stacy had to say goodbye to Isaac, Angie had to say goodbye to Audrey! Those are just a few of the many! It scares the hell outta me that i could get what i want only to lose it!

So this is where i am! I am scared and nervous! I put it in God's hands to give me what he feels is right. If he gives me a happy healthy baby then i will take it and love it, and if he gives me a journey that he feels i need to take then i will accept that as well. I know that he knows what is best for me but it doesn't stop me from being scared and maybe it should but i have seen the heart ache and i don't want to feel that pain.

Our Christmas Story

Oh wow i cannot believe it is over already. As quick as it approached us it is now gone. The only reminder to be little shards of wrapping paper that forgot to be picked up and lots of new toys to occupy children's time. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and were surrounded by the warmth and love of family. I can't wait to hear all about your days.

We spent Christmas Eve with my In Laws as is the norm. We got to their house about 6:30 and were the first to arrive (which is also the norm as no one in that family is ever on time lol). By 7:30 everyone was there (which was more than usually at a total of 35 people) and we started eating. They don't do a big dinner but more of a pot luck, finger foods type dinner. There were chicken wings, cheese balls, meat balls, BBQ weenies, and i made a Mexican dip (it is made with refried beans, sour cream, taco seasoning, and shredded cheese) plus more. After we finished eating we all swapped presents. Phabian received a package of match box cars and a remote control race car. MJ received a package of match box cars and a Hot Wheels City. Also my SIL gave them a little remote controlled car each. I received a gift card for a mani/pedi and Marcus received a really nice shirt. We drew 4 kids this year and we bought DaSean(10), DaJuan(11) and Telis(10) toboggan/glove combos and Kei-Anna(6) got a jewelry making kit. We also bought for his Mom and Dad. We bought his Mom a Soup Kit with 2 Bowls from Figi's and his Dad a Budweiser BBQ Set from Figi's. WE finished off the night with a lot of laughs and headed home about 10.

We let the kids stay up till 11 to finish watching some of the Christmas cartoons that were on. They laid down but didn't make it to sleep until midnight (UGH). Then the fun of toy making began lol. We only had 2 thing to put together this year. The easel was pretty easy it was just a bunch of screws that twisted into these plastic caps, but the toy organizer was a task. Screws and plastic don't mix very well at all. After we got those set up we put all the presents under the tree ate some cookies and headed to bed.

At 8 Marcus woke me up and said "The kids aren't up yet do you wanna go ahead and get up" and i was like yea that way i can get my coffee fixed right? NO NO NO! As soon as i got to the bathroom and shut the door i heard Phabian go, "Mommy, Mommy where are you, Mommy......OMG WHERE DID THESE COME FROM!" So i told him to go wake MJ up and we could open presents. They had so much fun tearing open all the gifts. Phabian got a bunch of cars, a race track, a write rite computer, and much much more. MJ got a bunch of cars, a Piston Cup Electric Race Track, a write rite computer, and much more. Mommy and Daddy didn't exchange presents this year lol. The kids also got a DVD player and some DVDs to share. One of my favorite presents was the Gazillion Bubbles Bubble Grill my Aunts got the boys. I think hubby and i had way too much fun with it lol. After we got the trace tracks put together i went to go fix breakfast. After we ate we left for my Brother's house.

We got to my Brother's at about Noon and the kids ran off to play as i helped my SIL to finish cooking. When my Dad got there at 3 we opened more presents. The boys got 2 Shake'Em Cars a piece and some new (much needed) clothes. I gave William (10) and Elizabeth (7) gift cards for Wal-Mart (Since my Brother works there my SIL always requests Wal-Mart gift cards. They get a discount and get more for their money.) We bought my dad a Christmas Tin of Candy Fruit Slices and of course we all went in on the Family portrait of all of us. He was so happy! After all the paper was cleaned up lol we went to eat. We had deviled eggs, green beans, green bean casserole *we have to have both as my hubby doesn't like the casserole), mashed potatoes, rolls, glazed spiral ham, and for an appetizer my SIL made this really yummy Buffalo Chicken Dip. It was awesome and i have to get the recipe from her. We stayed their till about 5 and finally took off. We stopped by my MIL's house one more time so that the kids could get their stockings (they get one at home and at Granny's) and presents from Granny and Grandad. They got the boys 2 new outfits each and some more cars and candy. They also bough Marcus a new hoody and jammie pants and me a new robe. We finally made it home about 6 and finished putting together toys and playing. The boys watched Ratatouille before bed but passed out about half way through. Hubby and i got to bed finally at about 11.

I am pooped today! I will spend the day playing with the boys and enjoying the fun to be had with new toys. Cleaning can wait for another day when i am not exhausted. I hope you all had a great holiday with lots of love and warmth and joy to go around.

PS...Oh yea and on Saturday we head back to my MIL to make Christmas Cookies with all the grandkids (that 15 total). She usually does it on Christmas Eve but this year she has to work til 5 so we are doing it Saturday instead. Not like the kids care and it gives me 2 day to rest.

PPS....You can find out Christmas Pictures Here and Here!

Centennial Celebration

So here i am, 5 months later, celebrating 100 posts! I can not believe this is my 100th post on this blog! It just doesn't seem like i have written enough to fill 100 posts. All be it that some were very short and other probably meaningless but its my blog and this is my 100!!! WAHOOOOO!!!!!!! (Did i say 100 enough? Did ya get the point?)

Now what in the heck should i talk about?

It was suppose to be a sunny day today and i promised the kids they could go out side and play, but low and behold as soon as i laid them down for quiet time it started raining. Now i have lied to my kids and my nice sunny day has turned to poo. We have been having some crazy weather here lately. One day it is in the 30's the next in the 60's. We have went just in the past 3 days from having snow on the ground to today staring out sunny and 63. This is weird weather for December don't ya think? Well maybe you don't if you live somewhere like Florida or California but for West by God Virginia this is weird.

I mean we by no means get the ice storms or blizzards that northern states get but we usually have low 30's to mid 40's with at least a chance of snow in December. The last time we had a warm December like this was when i was pregnant with MJ. It was 75 in mid December and for a pregnant whale (yes i said whale) like i was it was miserable. I had fans in my windows at night even if the weather did cool down to 30. My poor husband was freezing and i was pouring sweat. If i could have one wish for Christmas it would be 6 inches of snow. To some that might sound crazy, like why only 6 inches? I only want a small amount so that we can still get around on Christmas Day but still be able to enjoy a white Christmas. I have not seen a white Christmas in years...seriously! It kind of makes me sad.

In other news i am having some serious baby fever. All you ladies out there who are preggers or just gave birth are doing a number on my baby wanting brain. Hubby and i have already decided not to start trying till after the 1st of the year and it will be awhile still because i have to go get the IUD taken out and then wait for a normal period and blah blah blah (I know TMI right?). If i had it my way (and if we were rich) i would have like 10 kids by now. I know i bitch and moan about my kids sometimes but geesh i love those little buggers and wouldn't trade them in for anything. I would love to be able to have a large family and be "That" grandma with the 20 grandkids. My MIL has 6 kids and 14 grandkids (and she doesn't realize she might be getting more lol). That is a great picture to me. I see the fun they have when they are all together and it just makes me so happy and warm.

So i guess this is it for now. I started writing this post yesterday and it has been sitting in draft form cause i kept trying to think of something more profound to write about but profound just isn't my style today (Or yesterday) i guess. I will leave you with a really cool picture in the Christmas Spirit...

I was reading Slouching Mom over at her blog Slouching Past 40 and she posted a pic of herself that she made via this website. If you want to make your own or look at the many other cool pics you can make go here and check it out. Thanks to Slouching Mom for the link!

Do You Believe In Magic?

I am a Christmas person. My Mom was a Christmas person and i think it is just embedded in my soul. I love everything about this holiday season (minus the shopping see Here for more details). When this time of year roles around i just get a flame that burns inside me. It makes me feel warm and i want to do things that i don't do everyday. I get on a baking high and nothing tastes better than warm cookies fresh from the oven and a cup of hot cocoa while watching some frilly Christmas movie. I love the lights that flicker and the carols i hear. I love what Christmas means! Family, fun, food, the birth of Jesus, giving, receiving, friendship!!! It is all so magical! It is a magic that only occurs once a year.


One month out of a whole year we get to feel like kids again. We get to talk about a magical old man who travels the globe in one night spreading joy and gifts to all. The story of Santa has always made me very happy. It is a story of a man who is so kind and generous that he spends all his time making and delivering gifts to those who deserve them. We all act as Santa this time of year. We give gifts to those we love and to young children who don't have a lot. One of my fondest memories of Christmas is the time my mom and i spent picking an Angel from the Angel Tree.

We always made a day of it. We would get up early and go to the local mall which is where the tree always was. We would get breakfast and then pick a name off the tree. We never shopped at the mall but we always just took some time to look around and see what they had. We would soon leave the mall and travel to somewhere for a small lunch. It usually was McDonald's because as a kid that was my favorite (Isn't it all kids favorite lol). Then we would go to Wal-Mart or somewhere of the sort. We would shop for my dad, brother, and other extended family while we were there. Then we would go to the toys and pick out a toy for the Angel we picked, then we would also go buy her some shoes and a coat. I remember these days to a tee and i could never replace those with anything.

I know now how it made my mom feel to watch us open our presents on Christmas and to know that she was helping another mother who couldn't afford to make her child smile. I know how special it is now and why it was so important to her that we pick an Angel. It is a tradition i would like to pass on to my kids. I know there is nothing more magical than the look on your child's face when they wake on Christmas morning and see the glistening wrapped boxes under the tree. The cookies missing from the plate and a half empty glass on the table gives the impression that Santa was there. The glimmer that radiates from their faces is enough to light a city all alone. For one day out of one year i feel like a kid again.

I still wake up on Christmas morning with a tingle in my tummy. I hop out of bed and run to the tree with my kids. I feel their joy as they rip off the paper and squeal with delight at the sight of a toy they had requested from Santa. I relive all my Christmases through my children and in a flash i see why my Mom loved Christmas so much. It is the only holiday that means so much. We teach our children about God and Jesus and we also allow them to believe in that Magic of Santa. For me i feel like this is it for them. When they get old enough they will know the truth about Santa and Christmas will be just another holiday that they expect a present for. Right now i want them to feel the Magic and Excitement. I want to see their fact light with happiness over a jolly old man in a bright red suit. Imagination only last so long and i don't want to stifle that to soon.

Back To Life

So today as my turkey hangover wears down i have returned to normal everyday life. I cleaned my bedroom which whether you believe it or not looked worse than my kids. It is the place where everything that doesn't have a place goes to live in a pile on the floor or in a corner. I organized, threw away, and sorted. After i ran the vacuum i started washing and washing and washing some more. I have done about 3 loads so far and only have oh say about a million left to go. This is why me and holidays don't get along. They force me to stuff my belly and slack on chores and then i am angry at them for having to do twice as much when i no longer have an excuse not to lol.

Tomorrow i am going to finish laundry and clean the living room and dinning room. So much to do and so little daylight. I hate it that it gets dark at 5 now. It makes me so tired. I just want to sleep. Its dark it should be bed time (and my kids agree which is odd). Now i have to force my kids to stay awake when it is dark out and the force them to go to bed because i have made them stay up way past their biological ticking tells them to.

I haven't done a lot of Christmas shopping yet. My aunt bought the kids an easel and a bunch of art supplies (from Santa) and then she is also sending more stuff from them up with a cousin. We so far have got the kids a bunch of books, one lap top (kiddo kind) for each of them, and a race track that comes with 2 hummers and 2 controllers so they can race each other around the track. We want to get them a new toy box and some other small things. My brother is giving us two brand new cars (the big ones that the kids drive) that his kids only ended up using like one time. Those will be our big present to the kids this year. I feel bad because we didn't buy them but they are like brand new and i don't think they actually will care. We do however have to buy new chargers and batteries for them. They will get a ton of stuff from everyone else though so i think they will have a good Christmas.

I just am excited to get the tree up. Christmas is my favorite holiday and i love the lights and sparkling balls on trees. I know this isn't what Christmas is about but it sure adds a nice touch right lol. This year we are reading both the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day we will read about the birth of baby Jesus. My kids love a good book and if it is something that can teach them than i am all for it.

So what is your favorite part of Christmas? I have too many but i think just being with family and the feeling that it gives me inside.

Turkey Day!!!

Well we have already ate at my house. We had a very juice turkey. Last night i prepped it so all i had to do was shove it in the oven this morning. I injected it with garlic butter and stuffed it with tangerines, onions, and celery. It was so moist and yummy. My hubby gave me the best compliment every by saying it was better than his mom's turkey...WHAT? Yay go me!!!! We also had stuffing, kale, mashed potatoes, and gravy made with drippings. I am mad at myself because i forgot roles but i did remember the cranberry sauce. Oh well we have another dinner to go to at 4 with his extended family. I am sure someone there remembered the rolls.

At the dinner table (or lunch table i guess you could say since we ate at noon lol) i went around the table and we all said what we were thankful for. Phabian said he was thankful for his friends Sasha and Raven and the turkey. MJ said he was thankful for mommy and told me he loved me (i know awwwwwww right). Hubby said he was thankful that his wife was a great cook lol (i know, we have so much to be thankful for and that's all he could say). I am thankful for my family and the time we have to spend together.

This morning as i was traveling between the kitchen and the living room i took time to watch bits and pieces of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as it is a tradition in my life. Just watching the kids faces light up when Santa went by is enough to make your heart melt. Oh to be a child again and be able to rejoice in my imagination and make believe characters that bestow gifts upon us for no reason lol.

So i hope everyone has and is having a wonderful holiday with their families. If ya feel up to it share in a comment what you are thankful for today. I am stuffed so i am off to take a quick nap (hubby and the kids are all ready knocked out lol) before I have to go eat again lol.

I Have Been Blessed

Blessed by: Martina McBride

I get kissed by the sun each morning

Put my feet on a hardwood floor

I get to hear my children laughing

Down the hall through the bedroom door

Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing

Just soaking up the day

I think to myself, I think to myself

This world is a beautiful place

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed
******

Across a crowded room

I know you know what I'm thinking

By the way I look at you

And when we're lying in the quiet

And no words have to be said

I think to myself, I think to myself

This love is a beautiful gift

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

******

When I'm singing my kids to sleep

When I feel you holding me

I know

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

I love this song. It has been stuck in my head for days now. I guess with Thanksgiving coming up fast and Christmas approaching even faster i have been counting my blessings. I have so so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. Even when that means i am a not so great wife he still loves me. He is always there to pick me up when i am not feeling my best and he makes my heart smile when he gives me that look. Everyday i fall more and more in love with this man. He is a hard worker and would do what ever it took to make sure his family has what it needs. He always puts himself last and never ask questions. I don't know what i would do or be without him. He truly is my other half.

Then i have my first born son. I knew from the moment i saw him that my world would never be the same again. This child has more personality than i have ever seen in such a small body. He always is laughing and even when he is sick has a joke or a smile to give. We have our bad days and our good but that is because we are too much a like. He is a mini me if i could have ever imagined one. He is so smart and sweet. He loves to learn and loves to be active.

Then there is my baby. He is always grins and giggles but with a much more serious undertone. He is my strong and silent lil man. Just like his daddy, looks and all. My favorite thing about this precious lil boy is his love of cuddling. When i hurt my back last fall he loved crawling in the bed with me and cuddling for hours. He is a avid cars lover and loves nothing more than to roll his cars over any surface he can reach.

I cannot wait to see how these two little boys grow and develop. They are so intelligent and figure things out so quickly. They both know how to work mommy and daddy (and an entire room for that matter) to a T. These boys (all three of them) have made my life an amazing blessing. They love me and protect me and make me feel like a million dollars everyday. They are my world and i couldn't have ask for more. I have been given the blessing of a life time. I have a truly magical family of my own and through bad and good we love one another. What more could you want.