The Day After

It is one of my favorite days.

The day after Thanksgiving.

Not because i love football.

Not because i get up at the butt crack of dawn to catch the deals.

Not because i am in a turkey induced coma.

But because it is so calm, so peaceful, and so full of nothing.

I woke up at 8 with the kids and fixed them breakfast. It is cold outside. I mean REALLY cold. It was 73 degrees yesterday and today it hasnt made it to 35.

I settled in on the couch with my babies. The baby went down for a nap. I turned on the WVU/Pitt game.

I looked over and MJ was asleep. I curled up with Phabian on the love seat.

With in minutes our breathing had synced and we were both asleep.

Those moments are why i love the day after. It is a lazy day of love, leftovers, and comfort.

How often do you get to cuddle with you older kids and take a nap in the middle of the day?

It is truly priceless!

My Boys

I love my boys. There is nothing in this world i would not do for them. There is nothing in this world they could do to make me not love them. These are things i never understood when my parents use to say them to me. But i get it now. Having kids has changed me, changed my heart forever.

My boys are my heart, my soul, my life. I would walk to the end of the earth and back with no water or food to make sure they are protected. I doubt there is a good parent in the world who would say other wise of their children.

I held MJ on my lap the other night. He laid his head on my shoulder with his little legs wrapped around me. I cried into his hair. Tears of worry, tears of joy, tears of loss. I know my days of protecting them are numbered. The day will come when they are out of my nest and no longer want me to hold them as i do now.

I cried most because i see this change already. Too soon it has come. Phabian sometimes says "ew" and wipes my kisses from his cheeks. He doesn't always like me to hold him for long periods of time. MJ manipulates, sometimes, my love in order to get what he wants. He will hold me and tell me he loves me and in the next breathe ask for what he really wants.

I know these children of mine will always love me. I know that one day they will understand everything i do for them just as i now understand everything my parents did for me. I know there will always be space in my arms and on my lap for them. Still yet part of me aches.

As Sione' gets older my time as a mother of young children will slowly come to an end. He will be the last (or atleast we say he will be but only God really knows). With the last will come many last milestones. May bittersweet moments.

After i tuck my kids into bed and kiss them goodnight, when i am in bed myself being held by a man who loves me more than any man ever has, i pray that God help me protect my kids. My prayers are often the same. Protect them when i cannot, hold them safe in your arms when my arms are weak, help them see right and wrong when i falter and dont show them the right path, and let them know the same love that i have expierence in my life. And i know god hears me.

I love my boys. More than anything in the world. They are my heart, my soul, my life.

HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!

I need some advice. Today while we were at McDonald's waiting in line there was a very heavy man (probably about 400+) sitting at a table beside us. Phabian started staring and tugging at my shirt. I had no clue what he was talking about til i looked up and he was pointing at this man. I tried to play it cool and told him it was not nice to point at people. Then he did what i dreaded. He announced loud enough for anyone within ear shot to hear, "Mommy that man is really big". Besides dying of embarrassment and wanting to take them and run from the restaurant i told him that it was not nice to talk about people and i made him apologize to the man. The man didn't seemed fazed about it and even laughed. I however wanted to crawl under a table and cry.

I needed time to process so we could talk about it more so i really didn't say much else about it to him (other than pointing out that his dad is also big and so his his favorite aunt). Tonight when i had finished dinner and sat it on the table he yelled at his dad to,"Get your lazy butt off the couch". When i told him that he was not aloud to talk to his dad like that or any other adult he told me, "well daddy is fat too". I know it really hurt Marcus' feelings and it hurt me as well to hear my 4 year old talking like this.

Somewhere he has learned to associate fat people with being lazy. So we talked about it after we said prayer. I ask him where he learned that fat people were lazy and at first he told me his teacher told him (which is his answer for anything anytime i ask him where he "learned" something). So i reworded it and ask him where he heard that. He never did really tell us. Then we ask him if he thought daddy was lazy. He said yes and we explained all that daddy does and how that makes him far from lazy. We talked about how anyone can be lazy, not just heavy people. We also talked about how everyone is different and how the world would be boring if we were all the same.

I am just stunned and a little hurt that he has somehow picked this up. It is not something we ever talk about so i know it had to have come from either TV (but i can not imagine where since they usually only watch educational shows) or somewhere outside the house (school, playground,etc...). I am just not sure if we are handling this the right way. Please help me out here. If this was your child how would you go about handling it? Have you ever had a situation like this? Am i going about this all wrong? I am just so upset!

I come from an obese family and it just breaks my heart that my son would think that they are all lazy. I don't really know what to do here.

HELP!!!!!

There Is Gunna Be Some Changin Round Here...

So as the title suggest there is going to be some changes made to our lives in the next few months. And, no, I am not just referring to the addition of another child.

I am in the beginning of a complete overhaul of our ways. Everything from the kids behavior, to chores, to cleaning, and beyond.

With this pregnancy has also come the need to make things as simple as possible not only for me but for the rest of my family. We all know the sayings, "A happy Mama is a happy family" or "If Mama ain't happy, no one is happy", right? Well that is what we are working on.

I feel like i spend way to much time asking for things to get done and inevitably end up doing them myself. This often leaves me stressed, tired, and angry. In turn i then spend the rest of my time bitching about not receiving any help, or how things just are not working out the way we have them now.

So i have decided to stop bitching and start implementing a new plan. It started last week when i did a complete overhaul of our closets and dressers. I went through every piece of clothing in this house and gave away what we didn't need, want, or wear. I also went through shoes, blankets (am i the only one who has a gazillion blankets and no clue where they came from?), sheets...etc. This is the results:

One 10 gallon bucket of blankets/sheets/pillowcases

One 10 gallon container of shoes

And what ended up being 8 bags of clothes and another 2 bag of blankets.

I feel lighter in a way having all of this stuff that never got used out of the house and going to people who truly need them.

The next thing we are working on is a massive clean up and organization party (or that's what i am calling it).

So far i have managed to get the kids room, my room, and the living room completely rearranged and cleaned from top to bottom. Next on the list is the harder rooms like the dinning room, kitchen, and laundry room. Those are the rooms where we eat cook and do a lot of things that usually require daily cleaning so we saved those for last.

As far as behaviors go we are working on things one step at a time. It begins with taking responsibility for their things. When they come in the house and take off their shoes they go by the door and no where else. If they take off their clothes they go into the designated laundry basket (there are 3 one for the kids, one for mommy and daddy, one for daddy's work clothes). Toys are to be picked up every night before bed and put in the toy box. If i or daddy have to pick them up they go away for awhile not to be played with until they earn them back. They lost the TV in their room on Sunday since they refused to clean and wont get it back until Sunday if and only if they can keep their room clean for the rest of the week. Seems like a fair deal to me.

Other things we are working on with them is indoor vs outdoor behavior. Screaming and yelling along with running, jumping, and flipping are to be done outside not in the house. We are working on attitudes and how we speak to people if we want people to respond nicely to us. If they want to cry of have a tantrum they must do it in the privacy of their own room and come out only when they are done.

My sister is making me a star reward chart to help implement these new changes. They can earn up to 10 stars a day and 70 a week. They get these stars by following the 10 rules (which are board to encompass the difference in age). If at the end of each day they have earned at least 8 stars they get a small treat like a candy or some special treat and at the end of the week if they have at least 50 out of 70 stars they get a prize like a small toy or something similar. If at the end of 4 weeks they have at least 200 out of the possible 280 they will get a trip to say Chuck-E-Cheeze or the Toy Store or something similar.

I think this will work great because the school they attend does a similar system. They get hand stamps at the end of the day all week and if they get all their hand stamps Mon - Thurs they get to pick a treasure from the treasure box on Friday. I will update you more about this who chart and how it is working as we get into it.

As for my husband and I we are going to have to do some compromising of chores. He is usually responsible for the kitchen since i do all the cooking but i have come to realize i hate having to tell him 20 times a day to wash the dishes.

So my new idea is that i will wash the morning dishes that the kids and I use while he is at work and then he can be responsible for cleaning up after dinner in the evening. Other compromises are to come I am sure.

Other things going on with us include cutting out nap time for the boys. It is a long time coming but not only will it make it easier to get them up and ready for school in the mornings but it means they will be in bed and asleep by no later than 8. With them in bed early it will make things easier once Sione gets here. I am going to need that time to either go to bed early myself or have me time once they are in bed.

Also i will be moving dinner time up to 5 so we can all eat before we go to the football field. Practice during the week is from 6 to 8 and we will need to have already eaten so they can come home, maybe have a snack if they need it, and be bathed and in bed no later than 8:30. Thank God Little League Football is only a few more months.

So i am sure there are some things i have forgotten to mention but for now this is long enough and all i can really think of. Any ideas, suggestions, and comments are welcomed and appreciated.

Oh Those Teenage Years...

(I just want to say as a side note that i am being very honest here and i hope not to face any harsh judgements. I think we all stumble through our childhood and hopefully come out the other end as more intelligent and experienced adults.)

Today at 5 Minutes For Mom Susan is asking what your teenage years were like and how you plan to keep you kids from falling into the teenage pitfalls.

This is something i have thought little about. Not because i am not a caring mom or worried about it just because my kids are so young. I never thought i would need to prepare them this early for their teen years, but after her insight i am thinking maybe i should think about it some more.

My teenage years were marred with tragic deaths and a lot of partying.

With in the first month of my freshman year of high school, 2 friend's lives were lost in senseless accidents. A few months later my Grandma Shawver passed away of cancer. Then my mom had a heart attack a month later, followed by a stroke in January. She passed away in March from a brain tumor. Needless to say finishing out my freshman year was hard and i did not handle it properly or with much guidance.

After that i went down hill. I fell in with the wrong crowd and started partying heavy. I started smoking socially (which turned into the worst and hardest habit of my life), I was drinking socially (thank God that never turned into more since alcoholism runs in my family), and i also turned to drugs.

The drugs i was taking were not the light hearted drugs people joke about. It wasn't like i was just firing up a joint, blunt, bong, or what ever you wanna call it with friends in the girls bathroom. I was drinking and then doing things like cocaine and pills. I had no regard for my life or the lives around me. This would continue through high school until i met my (now) husband and got my life straightened out.

I was not promiscuous despite my ability to flirt my butt off. I will say that i lost my virginity very early in life and that is something i regret everyday. I had boyfriends and girlfriends and no one ever really talked to me about "the birds and bees". My parents came from a generation where you just didn't talk about stuff like that and so i found out most of everything from school and friends. What i then thought would make me cool lead to a lifetime of regrets.

I think i hit every teen pitfall that any one parent could worry about. Drinking, drugs, sex, parties, i did pretty much all of it. Then i did not know why, but now looking back i do understand some of it.

The lack of communication (or what i saw as lack of communication) between my parents left me to discover things through experimentation instead of education. Then the tragedies i went through only made my experimentation go further. I wanted to hide the pain and cover it all up. I just never knew the right ways to do it so i turned to what my 15 year old self knew worked best.

I pretended a lot to be happy and i pretended not to care. I dressed provocatively and flirted with danger. At the time i thought i was cool and no one could touch me. In reality i was a scared and hurt little girl who needed someone to show me the right way.

With this long past it makes me even more scared of what will happen to my kids as they enter those teen years. The world has changed so much even since i was in high school (which was just 5/6 years ago {Class of 2004}). Kids are dealing with problems that i dealt with in high school in middle school now and in some cases even elementary. So that is what leads me to having trouble answering Susan's question as to how to prepare your kids.

How do you prepare a 3 and 4 year old for the harsh reality of problems they will be faced with? How do you teach them to be their own person and not to let others influence their decisions? How do you instill in them the confidence that they don't need anyone else to to make them whole?

I guess the best way i can really think of is leading by example.

I want to show my kids everyday that i don't let anyone else define who i am.

I want to show them that even though i am not a 6 foot super model i am confident in myself and know who i am.

I want to be honest with them about my past and let them know why the decisions i made were not the right ones.

I want to show them how to handle situations with grace and dignity instead of fear and anger.

I want them to learn from my mistakes and have a open line with me that they can always count on.

I want to be a parent and a friend even though i know that is a thin line.

Most of all i just want them to know that Mommy is not an angel. She has a past and it almost destroyed her. I want them to listen and learn. I want them to know that even if they fall i will be there to help them back up without judgement. I want to show them the way even if i stumble along the path trying to find the right way. I want to be the best parent i can even if that means educating them only to step back and watch them fall.

As much as i hope and pray that they will avoid the pits i fell into i know that sometimes you have to learn from your mistakes. Sometimes that is the only way to learn. It is like my mom use to tell me when i was a kid, "how do you know not to touch a hot pot if you have never burned your hand on one before".

My kids are 3 and 4 (and Sione will join us soon enough) and they have scraped their knees because they didn't listen to mommy when she said not to run. They have bumped their heads because they didn't listen to mommy when she said not to climb. They have fallen and gotten hurt because they didn't listen when i said not to do this or that.

In the end all we can do is our best. We can give them all the information in the world and instill in them all of our values but they still will have choices to make and a mind of their own. We just have to step back and pray that when that fork in the road comes they will take the right direction. The direction that we have told them is right.

What Do I Do?

I am lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My husband woke me up at 9:30 to tell me he was taking the kids with him to the store to fill the WIC and pic up some essentials. Okay i said in a still half asleep voice.

I was thinking this is great! I can sleep in a little longer in a quiet house and enjoy my delirious pregnancy dreams. I ended up getting up at 10.

Then he got home at 11 to bring in the groceries and informed me that he was taking the kids to go get a hair cut, then going to the football field (he is coaching little league this year) for sign ups and to help clean helmets. He was taking the kids with him for all of this and he probably wouldn't be back til about 3 (he has to be at work at 4).

It is now 1 and i am lost! I am not use to having the whole day to do whatever i want. I am not use to not having to fix lunch and attend to a fight or 2. I am not use to watching whatever i want on TV (for that matter i listened to Handy Manny for about 30 mins while they were gone). I am not use to being able to just sit here and stare at a computer screen without 30,000 interruptions.

What do you do if you get a free day with no kids? I have a friend coming over in a bit. She is bringing hubby some broccoli salad and possibly some Chinese for lunch. Gotta love that!

But really this is just weird for me!

WHAT DO I DO???

They Make It Hard

So my kids have a secret!

Its more of a trick so to speak!

I am not convinced that it is unlike any other trick that kids pull to get out of something they don't want to do but all the same it is a sneaky trick!

My kids, every night, after i lay them down to bed to finish watching a movie get up a million times.

They don't get up to use the bathroom...

They don't get up to ask for a drink...

They don't get up to have mommy kiss a boo boo...

Why then may you ask?!?

My kids get up for a hug!!!

Now this may not be odd to anyone. I am sure there are a million other kids who do this same thing. However, I am struggling with my ways of handling this properly.

Marcus seems to think we should tell them no and to go get in bed. I would go with that if i didn't feel like the worst mommy ever for telling a 3 and 4 year old that they cant have a hug.

At the same time how can i correct this behavior if i cant tell them no. How may hugs are ok before i cut them off?

I really feel tremendous Mommy Guilt (and don't act like you don't know what Mommy Guilt is!) if i tell them that they cant have a hug until the movie goes off or that i already gave them a hug tonight.

This can sometimes go on for hours. A tedious balance between hugs and frustration that they wont stay in bed. Why can't it be simpler with them like the glass of water that i could just say no to? Of course the i suppose i would feel like i was making them thirst to death!

So how would you handle it? Would you say no to these faces?

How Did We Get Here?

No this is not a post about Evolution or God! This is just me trying to figure out how we got from this:

And this:

To where we are. As i go through this pregnancy knowing it is most likely my last i look at everything with awe and amazement. I have went from so excited on March 6th at finding out i was pregnant to almost the half way mark approaching on June 24th. It is flying by so, so fast. I almost wish i could slow it down so that i could enjoy it more.

Soon fall will be upon us and i will be holding a new baby in my arms. I know that things will only become more bittersweet as time goes by. It almost makes me break down and cry right now at the thought of the time flying by. I know that this baby, my bug, will grow fast.

Soon a year will pass and we will be celebrating all the firsts like sitting up, crawling, and walking. Then there will be a first birthday to plan and my newborn baby will quickly fade into toddlerhood.

I look at my boys and i ask myself what road led here. When did they get so big and so smart. They were just babies in my arms not to long ago and now they are both going to school and learning and exploring a world unknown to them.

I can recall the days when i laid in bed with Phabian all day long and had nothing better to do than take hundreds of pictures. I remember coming home with MJ and babying him for longer than i should have because i knew i would not hold an infant for a long time to come. And i am damn sure that this baby will be spoiled beyond belief and babied to no end.

It is bitter sweet as the time passes by so fast and i know nothing lasts forever. The sweet smell of baby will soon enough leave my home and the thought of that makes me want to scream out at the top of my lungs for the world to stop spinning and give me more time to enjoy my blessings.

I look forward to what the future holds but at the same time i want father time to slow down. I love watching all the new things my children learn and develop as they grow but i want them to be careful and not grow up too fast. This world is going to force them to grow fast and i am not sure any of us have a choice in that matter.

I just need to remember to breathe. Take in the scent of baby shampoo and bubbles! Take the hugs and kisses when they are offered! Hold them a little too long and file away their smiles in my mind forever. These moments will get farther apart as time flies on and one day i hope they understand why mommy wanted to hold them for that extra minute!

How Blessed Am I?

Just a note: My giveaway is still open and will be open for entries until May31st at 10 PM Eastern Time. Please make sure you get your entries in by then so you have a chance to win some beautiful things.
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Yesterday was a drab, cool day here. I was struggling to find the joy in the day. It was overcast and only in the mid 60's. Not what you think of when it is suppose to be the opening for summer fun.

I needed something to lift my spirit and smack some sense into me. I found just that in Megan's blog Fried Okra. Megan is such a beautifully elegant writer and i can only dream of being able to say things half as perfectly as she does.

Yesterday she posted about how blessed she is to have her family. And as i read through her words i began to cry.

How often do we forget to enjoy instead of complain? How often do we get caught up in our day to day struggles and forget that all that truly matter is that we are all here? How often do we struggle to find the sunshine amidst all the clouds?

Yesterday was that day for me. It didn't start out well at all. There were issues with money that, honestly, had both my husband and I in tears, the kids seemed to be feeling like that was the time to tear my house apart, it was cold and cloudy on a day when we needed it to be sunny and warm, and everything just seemed to be going down the proverbial drain.

After reading Megan's post it was like my spirit just lifted and i was looking at this impossible day differently. Her words about how blessed she was to have this wonderful family made me cringe in the fact that i hadn't thought about that all day long. I was too busy wallowing in my own self pity.

So i decided i needed to turn my attitude around and start looking for the good in my life.

First i spent a good 30 minutes hugging my husband and showing him the upside of our financial issue. We are by no means in a bad way. We are all fed, clothed, and want for nothing. We have a roof over our heads and shoes on our feet. My kids are not crying for anything because they have it all. God has blessed us to be able to make it past many struggles and this will be another.

We hugged and cried and told one another we loved each other. And in that moment i realized that i am so incredibly lucky to have a husband as devoted, strong, and willing to cry with me as my man is. I often find myself bitching at him instead of supporting him and i want that to change. He is a hard working man who loves his family more than life itself and i need to nurture that.

Later he surprised me by taking the kids to his Mom's and taking me to a quiet dinner just the two of us. Now before you go "saying i thought you were broke!", we figured out a solution even though it wasn't what I wanted to do. I trusted my husband and his opinion and we went with his idea for once.

Today i am working on loving every moment of my children still being children.

Motherhood is not easy by any means. Right now for instance i am pregnant, hot, hormonal, my patience is the size of a grain of sand, and my energy level is non-existent on most days, but do my boys care about all that? NO!!!

All they care about is Mommy's love and time. I want to try to give them as much of that as i can. They grow so fast and i feel like i have missed so much of that. I don't know where i was when they turned from infants to toddlers and now toddlers to preschoolers? What happened and where did all this time go!?!

It has been almost 5 years since we found out we were expecting Phabian. I remember carrying him those 37 weeks and cherishing the feeling of him moving inside me. I remember the joy on my husband's face as he held his son for the first time. I remember brushing my finger against his face when he was handed to me for the first time. I never knew that love could be that strong and that endless.

Here we are 4 years later and i couldn't imagine my life without him in it. He is perfect in every way. He is my joker. He loves to learn and question life as he sees it happen. He has grown so much. From a small 5 lb 10 ozs and 18 1/2 ins to a big 37 lbs and 40 ins tall. He is a daddy's boy but love attention from just about anyone. He smiles forever and i hope to remember that even on the worst of days.

It has been almost 4 years since we found out that MJ was on his way. I remember being so excited and at that same time terrified to figure out how i would handle 2 under 2. When we discovered he was indeed a he i was a little let down but quickly discovered that the love of 2 sons could never be replicated.

Marcus could not have been more excited to have 2 handsome sons and neither could I. We relished in that first year, knowing that we would not have another baby for quite some time. MJ has done some growing of his own. Form 6 lbs 2 ozs and 18 3/4 ins to a whopping 30 lbs and 35 1/2 ins tall. It seems like my time with him has flown by faster. My pregnancy didn't seem to last as long although it did by one week. His first year flew like a balloon losing air. And now he will be starting school in the fall??? When, why, how is this all possible.

I know that my time, come this fall, will be consumed mostly by caring for a newborn, but i do not want my boys to feel like they are losing their mommy. They will always hold such special and individual pieces of my heart. They are each uniquely different in their own special ways. Phabian playing golf with his Granddaddy and MJ a cuddle bug with his mommy. I am sure this new baby will fit right in with his/her happy family.

So today i am putting down my camera, and i am going to relish in creating some memories with my children. I want to remember the smiles on their faces and the light in their eyes. I want to capture in my brain forever the sunlight as it reflects off their sweet cherub faces. I want to cherish the sweet smell of pool water on their skin and the sound of the silly words that slip across their lips.

And when i tuck them into bed tonight i will pray that God will allow me another day to do the same. We are not promised tomorrow and sometimes we forget that. I want to make today my tomorrow and so forth and so forth. I want to take it all in and hold it in my memory and heart forever. I don't want anymore of these moments to pass me by.

What Kind Of Parent Are You?

I was scrolling through my reader this morning (as i normally do every morning) and got to reading Jen's blog Rolling Through Looneyville! Now i read her blog all the time but today's post brought up a few thoughts in my mind about different parenting styles and how they work for you/me/us.

In her post she linked to this video of ABC News. In the video they talk about how we try to protect our kids from everything. Helmets, leashes, tracker devices, Glovies, the list goes on and on. Then they ask how much is too much? When are we going over board with safety? How much of the world should we just let our kids experience on their own?

I find myself somewhere in the middle of the OCD parent and the Free Range Parent. You might remember this story from last year about the lady who let her 9 year old son ride the subway by himself in NYC! Now i can not say that i would ever, EVER do that but at the same time i don't think i need to wash my kids hands 50 times a day.

When i had my first child i remember saying to myself and my sister, "My kids will never have sugar!", and "I will never let my kid put dirty things in his mouth or eat off the floor!".

Here i am 4 years later and my kids have eaten dirt, stuck things in their mouths that don't usually go in your mouths, eaten off the floor, used public restrooms and forgot to wash their hands, drank sugar, watched tv, fell and bumped their heads, skinned their knees, and lived to tell the tales.

Now am i suggesting that you don't wash you kids hands when they go into what may be an unsanitary place? Heck no but i also don't suggest having a melt down ever time you kid touches something that you don't deem spotless.

I have always said to each their own when it comes to parenting styles. My own sister is very different about certain things then i am. I personally go by the motto of "God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt"! Apparently there are scientist who agree with me!

My kids are healthy despite all the above mentioned things. Honestly they have never really had more than the common cold. Phabian is 4 and just had his first ear infection after his 4th birthday. So i guess for the most part (and God's blessings) i am not doing all that bad on my parenting.

There are a lot of things i would like to do differently. I would love to eat organic and use green products. I would love to sanitize things more and keep my kids safer from the major things. I do believe the world has changed since i was a kid. There are more germs, drug resistant strains of infections, more deadly flues and diseases. I just don't think it is possible to protect our kids from every single thing out there.

So i do the best i can. I wash their hands at appropriate times. I put a helmet on them when they ride their bikes. I clean a scrape when one happens. I take them to the doctor when it is needed. And i pray that God will keep them safe when i can not.

So i would love some feedback here. What is your parenting style? Do you fall under OCD, Free Range, or somewhere in the middle? Let me know what you think! Write you own post and link to it so i can read. You heard from me now let me know i am not alone lol!

P.S. I promise there is a giveaway to come. It is my sister's company that is just in the beginning stages and i am waiting on her to send me all the pictures and information i need. I cant wait to share with you all her beautiful creations.

Puke...Vomit...Whatever You Call It

We got it all!

MJ has had diarrhea for the past few days but i didn't think anything of it other than we are trying to potty train and it was a little inconvenient. But this morning he woke up about 5 am throwing up everywhere. He can't keep anything down. The poor thing doesn't have anything in his stomach so for the most part he is just dry heaving.

Just when i thought that was enough Phabian woke up at 8 and now at 9 he is throwing up everywhere too. I am pregnant so you can imagine how well it works for my stomach watching and comforting 2 puking kids. My stomach is turning and thank God i don't have a weak stomach or we would be in serious trouble.

Marcus is at work trying to hurry and get out so he can come home and help but it seems he can't get here fast enough. At the moment MJ is asleep on the couch and Phabian is watching Alvin and the Chipmunks in his bed. Neither have a fever or any other symptoms which makes me hesitant to take them to the ER less this continue for too long and they get dehydrated; then it really isn't an option not to.

I am suppose to be at work at 2 but obviously can not take the kids to the babysitter. Which leaves me waiting till Marcus gets home before i can go, and then leaves me feeling guilty because i should be home taking care of my babies but yet we really need the money.

What would you do? Would you take them to the ER or wait it out and see if it passes? Would you go ahead to work knowing how bad you need the money or would you stay home to take care of your kids and say the money can wait? I guess this is the life of a working Mom and it is such a hard position to be in.

Busy Is My Middle Name

So i have been a busy girl lately and not in an interesting way. I have so much on my plate and no real jumping off place. I have just been feeling overwhelmed and under stimulated. Its like i have all these things to do, not enough time to do them in, and not enough energy or inspiration to do them. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Phabian's birthday is in a week. He will be 4!!! My baby, my first born, will be 4 years old! I, being the bad mommy i am right now, have neglected to plan a party. I dont know how i managed to let it slip my mind but some how we are now a week from his birthday and i have not planned a single detail or sent out any invitations. I know the when and the where i just dont know the how. The party will end up being at my house next Sunday as it is too late to rent anywhere else. I know he wants a Sponge Bob party and i plan on making the cake myself. I just dont know much of anything else. No clue what food to fix or what games to play. I feel like such a bad mommy!

Also this weekend i also have to have the cake ready that i meantioned yesterday. It has to be ready by Saturday. Phabian's cake has to be done by Sunday. I on top of this all have to work this week. I think i am having a hard time adjusting to the working Mom thing. My days go something like this:

Wake up at 7am and get Phabian ready for school.
Take Phabian too school, come home feed MJ breakfast.
Go back at 11 and pick Phabian up.
Come home and feed kids lunch.
Get them ready to go to daycare.
Get in the car and take them to day care at 1:30.
Be at work at 2 til 10.
Come home, eat dinner, take shower, collapse in bed!

I do this Monday through Friday! It is always non stop, go go go! I am not use to this. I barley see Phabian during the week and it breaks my heart. By the time the weeked rolls around i am so exhausted from the week that i dont have the energy to do much of anything. My house is a wreck because i havent been able to bring myself to clean. My kids are getting more and more mouthy and i feel like i am not discipling them as well or i am letting things slide when i shouldnt. I keep taking on new things knowing i really dont have the time to do them.

I am losing my SuperMom status. I need this job and i enjoy it. It is my time to be an adult away from kids and house work, but when does it cross a line. I dotn want to be that mom that never sees her kids and never has time to clean and when i do i am so pooped that i can barley open my eyes.

Then on top of all of it we are still doing the TTC thing. I was fine after Week 4 "Not Pregnant" and Week 5 "Not Pregnant" and Week 6 got me a little down. Week 8 made me sad and now at Week 9 i just want to cry! I know i am being impatient but darn it i want this. I wanted this a year ago but hubby talked me into waiting. "We" werent ready a year ago. I was but WE werent. Now i am just waiting and hoping! I know 9 weeks is a very short amount of time but i cant help but think how fat it happened for us before. It scares me and all i can do is pray that God will bless us soon before i lose my mind.

So i guess what this ended up being was me whining again! I am sorry guys as i know you get tired of it. I dont mean to be a whiny butt! I hope you all will hang in there with me till i have some good news. Plus i owe you all about 10 post i have been promissing forever. Add that to my list of things i need to do but dont have time to.

When Time Catches You

(This post was inspired by Mrs. Naz @ Becoming Me)

I often reminisce on the days when i had no children. The days when i was free to sleep till noon and leave the house without complications. Those were the days when i use to wear really cute, expensive outfits that made me look very sexy (not to mention they showed off my cute no pregnancy tummy) and I had hours to get ready before doing what ever it was that friends and i had planned.

I often remember the days of shopping with friends. The times when we would make a whole "day" of it. We would meet at 1 for lunch and then spend the rest of the day shopping and eventually end up eating dinner somewhere. I recall shopping beside the Crazy Lady with her Screaming Toddler! In my naive world, i remember making comments about the Crazy Lady to my friend. "Why doesn't she just make that brat stop screaming", "Girl she really needs to just bust that kids butt", "OMG!!! My kids will never act like this in public"!

If i had only taken the time and paid attention. She was doing everything she could. She was making threats, bribes, and promises. She was also remembering the days when she use to be child free and naive. She was begging in her head for a break to be with her friends and to take a shopping day with out kids screaming. She was wishing that she could just have 10 minutes to enjoy a chapter of a book without hearing Mommy and having to stop every 5 seconds. I should have paid more attention to the Crazy lady because i could have learned a valuable lesson.

Now the roles have shifted and time has passed. My once well dressed, mid-drift bearing self has been replaced by the Crazy Lady! I hardly ever make it out of the house looking cute! My normal outfit looks something like what most none child bearing women would wear to bed or to clean in. I always have a toddler that screams while i wait in line or push the buggy from aisle to aisle. My hair isn't straightened and highlighted with perfect precision. As a matter of fact, it is in a pony tail or bun and looks quiet messy as i probably forgot to brush it today.

I am the one watching and listening as people make faces at me while i am on the verge of tears because my 2 and 3 year old wont stop screaming. I am the one who is crying in her car after she buckles in the kids because she yelled at them. I am the one who drives them directly to McDonald's as her way of apologizing for screaming and making them the bad guys. I am the one who swears it will never happen again.

But it will! It will happen again and again. Because i am not a Crazy Lady...I am a Mom! I do not have brats...I have kids! And as a mom with kids i know that there will be another day sooner than later that my kids will pitch a fit in the middle of Wal-mart. I know i will lose my temper with them and scream because i am a wreck by the time we make it to the car. I will drive to the nearest fast food place that has a kids meal that includes a toy for my best apology effort. And what you childless people don't see is what happens next!


My kids will put their little arms around my neck and tell me the love me and that i am the bestest mom ever! In that moment i will forget all about the hectic trip to Wal-Mart. I will forget about the people who looked at me and rolled their eyes. In my world that is a good day. No one knows forgiveness like a child. They don't hold a grudge and they don't care to. They love me no matter what...even on those days when i am a crazy lady! Children are able to erase the worst day with a smile and a hug!

So for those of you who don't have kids...pay closer attention to the Crazy Lady because she is teaching you a valuable lesson. Her kids are also showing you and teaching you how life will work once you have kids. Pay close attention to the Crazy Lady and her Screaming Toddler because one day it will be you. Be nice to her so that maybe one day someone will be nice to you!

(And now for the great giveaways of the day!!! Mel @ A Box of Chocolates is giving away Custom Twitter Profile!!!)

Our Christmas Story

Oh wow i cannot believe it is over already. As quick as it approached us it is now gone. The only reminder to be little shards of wrapping paper that forgot to be picked up and lots of new toys to occupy children's time. I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and were surrounded by the warmth and love of family. I can't wait to hear all about your days.

We spent Christmas Eve with my In Laws as is the norm. We got to their house about 6:30 and were the first to arrive (which is also the norm as no one in that family is ever on time lol). By 7:30 everyone was there (which was more than usually at a total of 35 people) and we started eating. They don't do a big dinner but more of a pot luck, finger foods type dinner. There were chicken wings, cheese balls, meat balls, BBQ weenies, and i made a Mexican dip (it is made with refried beans, sour cream, taco seasoning, and shredded cheese) plus more. After we finished eating we all swapped presents. Phabian received a package of match box cars and a remote control race car. MJ received a package of match box cars and a Hot Wheels City. Also my SIL gave them a little remote controlled car each. I received a gift card for a mani/pedi and Marcus received a really nice shirt. We drew 4 kids this year and we bought DaSean(10), DaJuan(11) and Telis(10) toboggan/glove combos and Kei-Anna(6) got a jewelry making kit. We also bought for his Mom and Dad. We bought his Mom a Soup Kit with 2 Bowls from Figi's and his Dad a Budweiser BBQ Set from Figi's. WE finished off the night with a lot of laughs and headed home about 10.

We let the kids stay up till 11 to finish watching some of the Christmas cartoons that were on. They laid down but didn't make it to sleep until midnight (UGH). Then the fun of toy making began lol. We only had 2 thing to put together this year. The easel was pretty easy it was just a bunch of screws that twisted into these plastic caps, but the toy organizer was a task. Screws and plastic don't mix very well at all. After we got those set up we put all the presents under the tree ate some cookies and headed to bed.

At 8 Marcus woke me up and said "The kids aren't up yet do you wanna go ahead and get up" and i was like yea that way i can get my coffee fixed right? NO NO NO! As soon as i got to the bathroom and shut the door i heard Phabian go, "Mommy, Mommy where are you, Mommy......OMG WHERE DID THESE COME FROM!" So i told him to go wake MJ up and we could open presents. They had so much fun tearing open all the gifts. Phabian got a bunch of cars, a race track, a write rite computer, and much much more. MJ got a bunch of cars, a Piston Cup Electric Race Track, a write rite computer, and much more. Mommy and Daddy didn't exchange presents this year lol. The kids also got a DVD player and some DVDs to share. One of my favorite presents was the Gazillion Bubbles Bubble Grill my Aunts got the boys. I think hubby and i had way too much fun with it lol. After we got the trace tracks put together i went to go fix breakfast. After we ate we left for my Brother's house.

We got to my Brother's at about Noon and the kids ran off to play as i helped my SIL to finish cooking. When my Dad got there at 3 we opened more presents. The boys got 2 Shake'Em Cars a piece and some new (much needed) clothes. I gave William (10) and Elizabeth (7) gift cards for Wal-Mart (Since my Brother works there my SIL always requests Wal-Mart gift cards. They get a discount and get more for their money.) We bought my dad a Christmas Tin of Candy Fruit Slices and of course we all went in on the Family portrait of all of us. He was so happy! After all the paper was cleaned up lol we went to eat. We had deviled eggs, green beans, green bean casserole *we have to have both as my hubby doesn't like the casserole), mashed potatoes, rolls, glazed spiral ham, and for an appetizer my SIL made this really yummy Buffalo Chicken Dip. It was awesome and i have to get the recipe from her. We stayed their till about 5 and finally took off. We stopped by my MIL's house one more time so that the kids could get their stockings (they get one at home and at Granny's) and presents from Granny and Grandad. They got the boys 2 new outfits each and some more cars and candy. They also bough Marcus a new hoody and jammie pants and me a new robe. We finally made it home about 6 and finished putting together toys and playing. The boys watched Ratatouille before bed but passed out about half way through. Hubby and i got to bed finally at about 11.

I am pooped today! I will spend the day playing with the boys and enjoying the fun to be had with new toys. Cleaning can wait for another day when i am not exhausted. I hope you all had a great holiday with lots of love and warmth and joy to go around.

PS...Oh yea and on Saturday we head back to my MIL to make Christmas Cookies with all the grandkids (that 15 total). She usually does it on Christmas Eve but this year she has to work til 5 so we are doing it Saturday instead. Not like the kids care and it gives me 2 day to rest.

PPS....You can find out Christmas Pictures Here and Here!

Saying Gravy For Dinner

This is how prayer is usually said before dinner:

Me: Come on boys it's time to say grace and eat! (usually said in a yell over the 2 tvs and kids playing)

*i put plates on the table and turn off the tvs and we all sit except for MJ who is still playing with a car somewhere*

Phabian: Come on MJ we have to say gravy!

MJ: I comin' bubby!!!! (pitter patter pitter patter)

*Kids in unison* God is grafe, God is good, and we tank him for our food! By his hands we all is fed, give us Lord out daily toast! A-hem!!!

And then we eat! I guess we need to work on the words some more but that is how gravy is said in our house!!!

Do You Believe In Magic?

I am a Christmas person. My Mom was a Christmas person and i think it is just embedded in my soul. I love everything about this holiday season (minus the shopping see Here for more details). When this time of year roles around i just get a flame that burns inside me. It makes me feel warm and i want to do things that i don't do everyday. I get on a baking high and nothing tastes better than warm cookies fresh from the oven and a cup of hot cocoa while watching some frilly Christmas movie. I love the lights that flicker and the carols i hear. I love what Christmas means! Family, fun, food, the birth of Jesus, giving, receiving, friendship!!! It is all so magical! It is a magic that only occurs once a year.


One month out of a whole year we get to feel like kids again. We get to talk about a magical old man who travels the globe in one night spreading joy and gifts to all. The story of Santa has always made me very happy. It is a story of a man who is so kind and generous that he spends all his time making and delivering gifts to those who deserve them. We all act as Santa this time of year. We give gifts to those we love and to young children who don't have a lot. One of my fondest memories of Christmas is the time my mom and i spent picking an Angel from the Angel Tree.

We always made a day of it. We would get up early and go to the local mall which is where the tree always was. We would get breakfast and then pick a name off the tree. We never shopped at the mall but we always just took some time to look around and see what they had. We would soon leave the mall and travel to somewhere for a small lunch. It usually was McDonald's because as a kid that was my favorite (Isn't it all kids favorite lol). Then we would go to Wal-Mart or somewhere of the sort. We would shop for my dad, brother, and other extended family while we were there. Then we would go to the toys and pick out a toy for the Angel we picked, then we would also go buy her some shoes and a coat. I remember these days to a tee and i could never replace those with anything.

I know now how it made my mom feel to watch us open our presents on Christmas and to know that she was helping another mother who couldn't afford to make her child smile. I know how special it is now and why it was so important to her that we pick an Angel. It is a tradition i would like to pass on to my kids. I know there is nothing more magical than the look on your child's face when they wake on Christmas morning and see the glistening wrapped boxes under the tree. The cookies missing from the plate and a half empty glass on the table gives the impression that Santa was there. The glimmer that radiates from their faces is enough to light a city all alone. For one day out of one year i feel like a kid again.

I still wake up on Christmas morning with a tingle in my tummy. I hop out of bed and run to the tree with my kids. I feel their joy as they rip off the paper and squeal with delight at the sight of a toy they had requested from Santa. I relive all my Christmases through my children and in a flash i see why my Mom loved Christmas so much. It is the only holiday that means so much. We teach our children about God and Jesus and we also allow them to believe in that Magic of Santa. For me i feel like this is it for them. When they get old enough they will know the truth about Santa and Christmas will be just another holiday that they expect a present for. Right now i want them to feel the Magic and Excitement. I want to see their fact light with happiness over a jolly old man in a bright red suit. Imagination only last so long and i don't want to stifle that to soon.

New Member of the Family

Well we have a new member of the family. It was very unintentional. This beautiful cat has been hanging around my house for the past week. She looks to be in good health. Very shiny coat not skinny. She is also very friendly. She will come to me and let me pet her. She played with the kids the other day on the porch. Well yesterday we gave her some milk and ham and the kids let her in the house. I freaked out and ran her out. Well tonight she came back and apparently now we have adopted her. She comes and goes as she pleases since she is obviously not a house cat. She will come in for a few hours at a time and then sweetly go to the door and sit till you let her out. This works for me. The kids love her and Phabian named her Sophie. So we will see where this goes but in the mean time here is some pics.


She is beautiful. I always said i never wanted another cat but i guess we can see how this relationship works out. She doesn't like to be inside for a long time so she comes in to eat what we give her and rest (when the kids allow) and then she goes to the door and we let her out. She returns when ever she feels like it. I think i can live with a mostly outdoor cat. She is MJ's new bestest friend. He cries when she wants out and chases her when she come in. Poor cat didn't know what she got herself into.

Snipets of My Day

No Good Topic

As stated somewhat about i don't, or have not though of, a good topic to write about in days. If anyone has any ideas please feel free to leave a comment and i will use it. It is like my mind has went blank. There for weeks i was writing everyday and every night i would lay down and not be able to stop thinking about things i wanted to write about. I should have written them down cause now my mind is blank lol. So i will leave you with some pictures and short captions!

So we have these 3 huge walnut trees in my back yard! And Phabian love to gather the walnuts and stack them in piles.

Which i don't so much mind since they are everywhere!

But his favorite place to pile them:Under the trampoline.

MJ however is my cleaner buddy! He enjoys putting on his work gloves and putting his elbow in the grease!

If only the gloves actually fit lol!

What's Up With That?

So i am going to go on a rant, so bare with me here.

I want to be a healthy. I really do want to eat organic foods and exercise everyday. I would love to lose about 30 to 40 lbs and be in the shape i was in pre-kids. I want all these things desperately, but what no one tells you is that these things are sometime (if not always) the most difficult things you will do.

It is hard enough to find a balance between cleaning house, balancing the check book, paying the bills, chasing the kids, and time for myself to relax. When you add on trying too cook a healthy meal made entirely of organic healthy foods and 30 mins a day to exercise you have completely thrown me into a melt down. Now are these the only problems i have with this situation...NO!

Why is it that the whole country has their panties in a bunch about the obesity crisis (i don't mean for that to sound like i am making light of it because i know it is a serious epidemic), but it is still cheaper to buy a double cheese burger than an organic head of lettuce? I can buy canned foods for 1/2 the price of fresh fruits and veggies and yes they are not as nutritious but they are what fit in my budget. Times are hard and trying to make a meal from scratch is getting to be more expensive.

I long for the days where my mom use to fix fat filled, high calorie meals that filled our tummies. Yes they probably were not the most healthy but they filled us up and made us fill happy. How is it that our grandparents and our parents and even some of us grew up eating these high fat, high calorie, high sodium meals and we are still alive and kicking and in a lot of cases healthier than our children? When did it become necessary to eat nothing but lettuce and organic to not die when you are 40? Their are people living way past their hundreds now and not because they ate right everyday but because technology has expanded the ability for us to fix problems. My grandma didn't die because she ate fried chicken and greens she died because she smoked for 60 years. WTF? (BTW i am not saying that it isn't important to eat healthy because i know it is but geesh!)

I think i have the solution to the obesity epidemic in America. Lower the price of an apple to the price of a cheese burger and the raise the tax on fast food to make it too expensive for Plumber Joe (sorry couldn't help but through that in). If you cant afford it you wont buy it. I don't buy organic because i can't afford it. i am 22 years old and i ate fried foods, fatty steaks, and sloppy joe's growing up. I am relatively healthy. I don't think an organic veggie (unless you count what we grew in our own garden) ever crossed my plate as a kid. Please tell me i am not alone in this. Please tell me i am not the only mommy in the world who wants to do this but cant afford it.

As for the exercise...i really don't have time. i know that isn't an excuse but by the time i get the kid sin bed at night and collapse on the couch i don't want to move much less get up and do crunches or jumping jacks. So walk my kid to school everyday. Its about 6 block one way. I do this twice a day. 24 blocks a day 5 days a week. It is something, and a lot more than i am use to hence the sore muscles i have attached to my back side. I just wish i had more time. God can we please add about 4 extra hours in a day??? Wait...no...that wont work...then i would probably try to catch up on sleep or chase my kids even more!!!

I cant win!