Rough

So tomorrow is going to be a rough day. Phabian has school in the morning as usual but tomorrow is Drew's funeral. After Phabian gets out of school we are taking them to a friend and getting ready for the viewing at 11 and then the funeral at 2. It is going to be a long hard day for all of us. I met Drew before i even met my husband. I had no clue they were cousins till after we started dating. Drew was such a sweetheart and never had a bad word to say about anyone. I wish there were more people in this world like him. The world needs more people like Drew!

I just keep thinking about his little boy. His name is Joseph and they call him Jo Jo. I call him Cookie because when he was born, the first time i saw him i said, "He is so cute i could eat him in one bite like a cookie"! He had the sweetest little spot of brown hair on top his head that reminded me of one of those Hershey Kiss cookies. So i have called him Cookie ever since. He is such a Daddy's boy i hope he knows and will always know how much his Daddy loved him.

It makes me cry when i think about another baby growing up without his daddy. I wonder if he will be told what a good man his daddy was or if he will be left to wonder. I didn't know his mother too well and i don't know how good or bad his mom and dad got along. I just know that he deserved to grow up with his Daddy in his life and now he wont get to. It is sad but ultimately i know it was his time and God has a plan.

That in itself is very hard for me to admit. I was angry at God for a very long time after my Mom died. Like Drew my mom was a good person. She would have done anything for anyone and never thought twice about it. I remember thinking if their was a God why did he take the good people? Why did ones who did him justice, who proved that he was good have to be taken away? Why would he leave a 15 year old girl in this cruel world without the guidance of her mother? I remember thinking all of these things and more. I was angry for a long time and it wasn't until i had my first child that i came to peace with God and his plan. I realize that if i had not lost my mother my life would be so different. I would have never met my husband and i would have never given birth to these two beautiful boys. Sometimes i still ask God why but i think that my questions are rhetorical because i don't need to know why i just have to trust that it is the way things have to be in his plan. As hard as that is for me to accept.

So if you all can continue to pray for the family that is grieving the loss of a wonderful son, grandson, cousin, friend, nephew, father, and boyfriend. Pray for me that i may have the right words to comfort my husband and that God will help me deal with my emotions because only he knows that i am not good with this type of thing. Thank you all so very much!