Sunday, March 1, 2009

Busy Is My Middle Name

So i have been a busy girl lately and not in an interesting way. I have so much on my plate and no real jumping off place. I have just been feeling overwhelmed and under stimulated. Its like i have all these things to do, not enough time to do them in, and not enough energy or inspiration to do them. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Phabian's birthday is in a week. He will be 4!!! My baby, my first born, will be 4 years old! I, being the bad mommy i am right now, have neglected to plan a party. I dont know how i managed to let it slip my mind but some how we are now a week from his birthday and i have not planned a single detail or sent out any invitations. I know the when and the where i just dont know the how. The party will end up being at my house next Sunday as it is too late to rent anywhere else. I know he wants a Sponge Bob party and i plan on making the cake myself. I just dont know much of anything else. No clue what food to fix or what games to play. I feel like such a bad mommy!

Also this weekend i also have to have the cake ready that i meantioned yesterday. It has to be ready by Saturday. Phabian's cake has to be done by Sunday. I on top of this all have to work this week. I think i am having a hard time adjusting to the working Mom thing. My days go something like this:

Wake up at 7am and get Phabian ready for school.
Take Phabian too school, come home feed MJ breakfast.
Go back at 11 and pick Phabian up.
Come home and feed kids lunch.
Get them ready to go to daycare.
Get in the car and take them to day care at 1:30.
Be at work at 2 til 10.
Come home, eat dinner, take shower, collapse in bed!

I do this Monday through Friday! It is always non stop, go go go! I am not use to this. I barley see Phabian during the week and it breaks my heart. By the time the weeked rolls around i am so exhausted from the week that i dont have the energy to do much of anything. My house is a wreck because i havent been able to bring myself to clean. My kids are getting more and more mouthy and i feel like i am not discipling them as well or i am letting things slide when i shouldnt. I keep taking on new things knowing i really dont have the time to do them.

I am losing my SuperMom status. I need this job and i enjoy it. It is my time to be an adult away from kids and house work, but when does it cross a line. I dotn want to be that mom that never sees her kids and never has time to clean and when i do i am so pooped that i can barley open my eyes.

Then on top of all of it we are still doing the TTC thing. I was fine after Week 4 "Not Pregnant" and Week 5 "Not Pregnant" and Week 6 got me a little down. Week 8 made me sad and now at Week 9 i just want to cry! I know i am being impatient but darn it i want this. I wanted this a year ago but hubby talked me into waiting. "We" werent ready a year ago. I was but WE werent. Now i am just waiting and hoping! I know 9 weeks is a very short amount of time but i cant help but think how fat it happened for us before. It scares me and all i can do is pray that God will bless us soon before i lose my mind.

So i guess what this ended up being was me whining again! I am sorry guys as i know you get tired of it. I dont mean to be a whiny butt! I hope you all will hang in there with me till i have some good news. Plus i owe you all about 10 post i have been promissing forever. Add that to my list of things i need to do but dont have time to.

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