I love my boys. There is nothing in this world i would not do for them. There is nothing in this world they could do to make me not love them. These are things i never understood when my parents use to say them to me. But i get it now. Having kids has changed me, changed my heart forever.
My boys are my heart, my soul, my life. I would walk to the end of the earth and back with no water or food to make sure they are protected. I doubt there is a
I held MJ on my lap the other night. He laid his head on my shoulder with his little legs wrapped around me. I cried into his hair. Tears of worry, tears of joy, tears of loss. I know my days of protecting them are numbered. The day will come when they are out of my nest and no longer want me to hold them as i do now.
I cried most because i see this change already. Too soon it has come. Phabian sometimes says "ew" and wipes my kisses from his cheeks. He doesn't always like me to hold him for long periods of time. MJ manipulates, sometimes, my love in order to get what he wants. He will hold me and tell me he loves me and in the next breathe ask for what he really wants.
I know these children of mine will always love me. I know that one day they will understand everything i do for them just as i now understand everything my parents did for me. I know there will always be space in my arms and on my lap for them. Still yet part of me aches.
As Sione' gets older my time as a mother of young children will slowly come to an end. He will be the last (or atleast we say he will be but only God really knows). With the last will come many last milestones. May bittersweet moments.
After i tuck my kids into bed and kiss them goodnight, when i am in bed myself being held by a man who loves me more than any man ever has, i pray that God help me protect my kids. My prayers are often the same. Protect them when i cannot, hold them safe in your arms when my arms are weak, help them see right and wrong when i falter and dont show them the right path, and let them know the same love that i have expierence in my life. And i know god hears me.
I love my boys. More than anything in the world. They are my heart, my soul, my life.