My Religion

(Note: I know this is a touchy subject and that is why i am covering it. I am not trying to be controversial or start a fight. To each their own when it comes to this subject. I just ask that you keep the angry comments to yourself. I have no problem with people with different opinions i just have a problem with the way that some people express them.)

First may i say that every ones religion is just that: THEIRS! I am a believer that each person's religion is unique even if they consider themselves part of an organized religion. We each talk to OUR God in our OWN unique way. With that said i will give you a little history on my religious background.

I started going to church when i was just a newborn. As a family we always went to a Non-denominational church. I had several preachers that i considered family. They were close to us and we loved them. The churches i attended were always like families. We all knew each other and we often got together for other occasions outside of church walls. I have went to both big and small churches. I have also spent time with friends (that had different religions) at their churches. Each may have practiced their religion differently but they all have one thing in common. They each depend on their faith to get them through life and what ever may come after.

I remember Sunday's the best. Sunday morning was always a scramble in my house. Up at 5 (as always) my mom would cook a small breakfast for us to have before we left. This usually resulted in us being late as we never got up on time and never out the door more than 5 minutes late lol. Once at church we would sing an array of songs and listen to the sermon of the day. I always enjoyed hearing what the preacher had to say and i never enjoyed the children's classes as much as i did the adult. I loved to hear my mom lead the church in song. Two of my favorites will always be "The Old Rugged Cross" and "Amazing Grace". I clearly remember my mom singing those which contributes to those being my favorites.

I remember after church going to my Grandma's house for Sunday dinner. There was always some kind of Beef Roast with Veggies (usually dried out because my Grandma in her old age would forget and put it in too early) and an array of sides. When i think of Sunday dinner i always think of the smell of buttered rolls and cooked roast as well as long naps on the couch afterwards. After we left there we would usually head home to change and then back to church for evening service. I continued this routine till i was 14 when my Grandma died (followed by my mom 6 months later) and my mom had her first heart attack.

When my mom died (i was 15) i turned my back completely on religion. So did my father, who for as long as i could remember was always very religious. I could not understand how a compassionate, loving God that i had learned about could cause such pain to a family that had done nothing but worship him. I didn't understand how God could take a 15 year old girl's mother from her leaving her with a father who had no clue how to function without his wife. I didn't understand how the God i had learned about could be so merciless as i cried out to him to help save my mother. I for the next 3 years would rebel and do anything to push away from God, religion, and my father.

When i became pregnant with Phabian i found God again. But not in the way that most would think. I do not clam to be Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, or any other named religion. I think the best thing that can describe me is Henotheistic. For those who do not understand or know what this is i will explain.

Henotheism is the belief in one God without denying the existence of others. This is where the belief that everyone worships in their own unique way comes in. Although i am not necessarily saying that there is more than one God, i am saying that i believe that God is an all knowing, all loving being. With that definition you can call him what ever you want. He has many names and many stories but who actually knows what is right. No one knows until they are dead. I believe that God is, understood as, Life, Truth, Love, Mind, Soul, Spirit, Principle. He/She is kind, loving, merciful, honest, peaceful, and everything else that you could possibly imagine. He/She is good and listens to us even if he/she doesn't give us the answers we seek. I believe that nature is a part of God. When you feel the wind blow or hear the thunder that is God.

Now with that said i do not believe that if i do not go to church and worship God will deny me what ever comes after this life. I also do not believe that my God hates anyone. I believe that he/she loves us all equally and is tolerant of our mistakes just as we tolerate our own children's mistakes and help then to see what is right. I think that he/she will decide all of our fates. I do not believe that we are just here on earth wondering around with no sense of purpose. I think we all have a mission or deed that we were placed in this world to accomplish. Now what that is can vary and it is our job to seek out our path. It is God's job to place us on the right path should we get lost.

The God i just described is the God that i cherish. He/She is the God that i pray to and thank. He/She is the God that protects my family and guides me through my days. He/She is not an angry God. He/She is not going to strike us all down if we don't get it right. This God that i believe in could go by many names. A matter of fact he/she does. God comes in many religions and many forms. In some religions he/she has 8 arms and is bright blue, in other he/she is short, fat, and bald. Like i said, we all worship different, we all believe different, even if we go to the same church. I love my God because he has blessed me with 2 beautiful boys and a wonderful husband. He showed me that i am not alone in this world. He has paved a path to great friends and wonderful places. He has given me the ability to feel ok with my life and accept that things happen as a bigger plan.

Maybe if my mom had not passed away i would have never went on a rebellious streak. If i had not gone on that streak than i would have never met my husband and never had my beautiful kids. I might have went to college and met someone else and my life would be different. In the end it all happened this way for a reason. God took my mother because her job on earth was done and mine had just began. God sent me on a journey to find myself and him/her. Now if you don't agree with me i understand. Religion is a very touchy subject and not everyone views things as i do and that is ok. As i said we all worship different Gods, in different places, and in different ways and for me that is ok.