So yesterday was not a good day. I spent a good part of my day not being the mommy that i want to be. The day started off with me waking up to a 3 year old screaming in my face telling me to get up and turn the cartoons on. So i got up turned the channel on the TV and fixed me a cup of coffee. Usually in the mornings that is the only time i get to do me for a little bit. I turn on Disney channel, fix my coffee, and then i usually can get about 2-3 hours of computer quiet time in before the kids start going insane. While i am fixing my coffee i usually fix them some fruit and then about an hour later a bowl of cereal. This is usually the best part of my day (aside from nap time(when they take a nap) and bed time). So back to yesterday. It started as a normal day. By about 11 they started losing it and screaming and fighting so i decided it was time for quiet time.
Quiet time...yes if only it was what it says. Usually i lay them down and let them watch a movie or cartoons. About an hour after that i end up turning off the TV because instead of laying down being quiet watching the shows they run around (in there room) and talk loudly. After i turn off the TV i have to sing a song or be faced with more screaming a yelling. Eventually they will settle in a take what is never longer than an hour long nap. This is the time where i fix myself some lunch or i will not eat until dinner as my job is to feed them not myself (this isn't my thinking it is theirs).
After hey awake is when my days usually go insane. Yesterday it just so happened to be nothing but yelling and screaming and me losing my temper a lot. I know that everyone has those days but i hate them. That is not the mom i want to be nor do i like having to yell at my kids. It was just one thing after the other. Phabian all of a sudden has developed a screaming problem. Any time he does not get his way he screams at you. I mean really screams like an adult screaming at a child who just almost ran in front of a moving car. This has taken a toll on my nerves.
As most of you know or have read i have been sick for the past few days. I have not reached out for help from anyone as i really don't have anyone to ask for help. My dear mother in law works full time and just so happened didn't have a day off on the days that i happened to be sick. Other wise i she would have kept them for me. So i was at home trying to take care of my kids while i was falling apart and couldn't even hold my eyes open. Yes i know this is what you sign up for when you have kids. When you are mommy there is no break. It isn't like a job where you can just call off if you don't feel well, but it would be nice to have a little sympathy.
So this brings me to the close of my day yesterday. My DH (dear husband) got home from work about 5 yesterday and we had my nieces B-day party to go to so we started to get the kids ready. Well it was a fight. Phabian wanted to wear his brother's clothes which were too small and he kept fighting with me. Finally we got them both dressed and Phabian sat on the couch next to me to put his shoes on. He decided it was OK to kick his foot repeatedly into my side trying to get his shoe to go on. Needless to say after the day i had i snapped, screamed, and then Marcus was looking at me like i was nuts. I ask him why and he said because i was overreacting. Once again i lost it this time yelling at him. He still preceded to tell me that i was overreacting so i walked onto the porch full prepared to call Chelsie and leave. I wouldn't take it anymore.
So i couldn't get a hold of Chelsie so we left for the party. When we were preparing to leave my Brother's house my BIL(Brother in law) called and ask my DH if we could watch his kids tonight (Keely 10 and Kiana 5) so that him and his g/f could go to this party. With out asking me if it was ok DH said sure we will come pick them up in like 20 mins. Once again i was fully prepared to call Chelsie and spend the night at her house. Why would you not even ask me if it was ok after i have already had a break down yelling at you earlier. So my BIL's g/f actually ended up calling us back and saying never mind (which i was like thank God). Its not that i don't like their kids. I had just had enough of kids today and didn't want to deal with any kids at all not even mine.
So we get home and put the kids to bed and i call Chelsie and talk to her for a bit. Then we go to bed. Well as we were laying there talking about today i just broke down. I cried and told my husband how i felt and how badly i just needed a day to enjoy my kids instead of having to always be the bad guy. I compared it to him this way," If someone told you to eat your fave food everyday for 3 years would you not grow tired of it?" That's how i feel about my kids. I love them with all of my heart, but 3 years non stop has worn me down and i need to not be the bad guy one or two days a week. I need to be able to just enjoy my kids with out having to be the disciplinarian. I just want to be able to hug them and love them without being the one to have to be mean to them.
So apparently it sparked something in his head and today has been a great day so far. He let me sleep in till 10 and woke me up with a cup of coffee in hand. He had cleaned the Kitchen, Dinning Room, and Living Room with out help from me or without me even having to ask him to do it. He has done all the fussing at the kids this morning and i haven't once had to even say one bad thing to them. It is great. He has kissed and loved on me all morning and i am just in awe. This is the man i fell in love with. Caring, sensitive, and wonderful. I knew he was still in there somewhere. Now if i could only get this to be a once a week thing i might not have as many rants on here.