Sunday, August 17, 2008

Just To Write

This is a picture i took out of the car window on the way to Tennessee in April.

Ok so the kids are napping and hubby is sleeping on the couch, so i though i would take a few just to write about what ever comes to mind. I am off to Chelsie's baby shower here in a few. I am sure she will get lots of nice stuff. Makes me want another one even more lol. Baby showers are always so fun. A party about life and joy. Plus it is always just fun to get together with friends and have fun conversation and play child like games.

I really haven't been in the best of moods lately. I don't really know why i just haven't been feeling like myself. I am usually very talkative and fun but here lately i have just been very anti-social and BLAH. I think i really need to get out of the house more. We have been taking the kids to the park every evening after Marcus gets off work. Its started as us going to watch Chelsie's SD(step daughter) Jaylain during cheer practice but now it is more of a way to get me out of the house and the kids time to play and socialize. It helps a lot with my depression as most doctors say the sun is a natural anti-depressant. I just need to try and socialize some more. Maybe meet some people that i don't know and have a conversation. I am too safe. I need to push my own boundaries.

I have been thinking about my mom a lot lately. Maybe that is another reason i have been so down. I miss her so much everyday. Sometime i just wish i could call her up and talk to her. I wish i could hug her and tell her how much i love her. Most of all i wish she could see and play with my kids. If i could have my mom back for one day it wouldn't be about me. As much as i miss her i would get my hug and kiss and then step back to let her be with her grand babies. I know she would have loved them to the point of no return. She was the most amazing woman i have ever met. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to make someone else's life a little better. She was also very crafty which is something i am not. She could make a sculpture out of nothing. Just some twine, ribbon, and a hot glue gun and there it was. A beautiful creation made with love. I wish i had that ability.

I read an email this morning that Chelsie wrote about her Angel Nadia. It still breaks my heart the pain that she went through. I miss her very much and i know in my heart that she is in heaven with my mom. We always joked with my mom that when she passed she would be the one to rock the babies in heaven. So i imagine her in a golden rocking chair with angelic music playing just rocking and singing to little Nadia. He Angelversary is coming soon. It is hard to believe she left us almost a year ago. Its also hard to understand how we can love someone so much that we only knew such a short time.

Well i guess i am going to have to stop this short since the boys just got up and i need to fix them lunch before i head off with Chelsie. Good bye for now.

1 comment:

Christina said...

Courtney, I love how real you are...that you put it all out there. And I love the image of your Mom rocking Angel baby Naida. So sweet. I hope the sunshine does help boost your spirits!