A Lot on My Mind

I have a lot of stuff on my mind today but mostly The beautiful Angel we know as Nadia. Today is Nadia's one year Angelversary. As i sit and think back to April 1st 2007 i remember Chelsie telling me she was pregnant and how worried she was because we had just went out the say before and had lunch and a drink at the local Mexican Restaurant. I told her no worries. Everything would be fine. She didn't know she was pregnant and a lot of woman have a drink or 2 before they find out they are pregnant and it doesn't hurt. If i had only known that day what the next months would hold for my dear sister and best friend.

I clearly remember the day she went for her u/s. She called me hysterical telling me something was wrong. I went into panic mode. She wanted me there and i needed to be there with her. I burst into tears before i could even explain to Marcus what had happened. How could this be happening is all i could think about. As i made my way to the hospital i tried to hold my composure because it wasn't my job to cry it was my job to comfort her and help her.

I remember the doctors saying there wasn't anything they could do but wait and see or terminate and since terminate wasn't a choice we waited. There were ups and downs. It got better and it got worse. The doctor's were all surprised that Little Nadia made it as far as she did. It gave us all hope that maybe she would pull through the unthinkable situation.

I remember the call i got on that hot August day. Nadia was gone. Her little heart couldn't take it anymore and she had left us, but not without a fight. She fought as hard and as long as she could. Her little body just couldn't handle it anymore and she grew her wings that day.

I remember spending the 3 days in the large hospital room with Chelsie and friends and family. We tried to do as much as we could to help her through and make this as comfortable as possible. I still remember feeling so helpless. i am the one who always fixes the problems. I am the one who always makes it all better. This was out of my control. I couldn't fix it, i couldn't make it better, and it was killing me to not be able to stop the pain.

i remember seeing Nadia's beautiful face for the first time. She was truly an angel. So peaceful and calm. Her presence in that room, that day, was bigger than any one moment in any of our lives. Through the tears and the sniffles, for a brief moment in time. We had heaven here on earth with us. That little girl, unknowingly, would change all of our lives forever.

We are all better people now for knowing this littlest angel. She was a blessing to have if only for a little while. And this is to you Nadia as i hope my mom or God will read it to you. You are a blessing in my heart. It was a great pleasure to be a part of your all too short life. I miss you and your presence in our day to day lives, but i know that you will forever be looking over us until the day that we all get to see you again. If i could tell you anything it would be that you have a loving family who misses you everyday. Your mom and sisters will always hold you in there hearts and you will always be a great memory in their hearts and mine. As much as i wish we could hold you and kiss you and celebrate this day with you i know that God had a bigger purpose for you and that you are in good hands. You will never have to know the pain or suffering that life can sometimes deal and you will always be happy and smile as you play in heaven with the other children that were taken too soon from loving arms. Happy birthday angel Nadia and i hope that you have everything that you want on this beautiful angelversary.