Thursday, June 18, 2009
A Thousand Words Thursday 7
I saw this on a church board as we drove down the street yesterday. It seems like a simple statement but it means so much. I pondered on the words for a long time as we drove home and laid the kids down for a nap.
My flight of life has not really been easy per say. I have not experienced some of the horrible things that others have but i have experience my own trials and tribulations. I have come through a lot to get where i am today.
Although i do not attend church faithfully i do pray and i trust in God (what ever he or she may look like) to lead me in the right direction. Although the path sometimes gets twisted with our day to day life i have faith that i will be on the right path in the end.
I started this post off with a picture of my husband Marcus and I at a Valentine's Day Dance this past February. We look as happy as can be. Like nothing in the world could tear us down. And for the most part this is true. What you don't see is the blow up we had a month before this.
Marriage isn't easy! Now that has to be the understatement of the year right. Anyone who is or has been married can tell you that the melting of two separate lives together is not easy or as smooth as one would like to think. Even those who consider themselves soulmates (as my husband and I do) have a ruff road of it.
From furniture to tv shows, from cars to finances, from kids to household chores, everyone or anyone of these things can cause stress in a marriage. Things seem to rear their ugly heads at just the right time as to cause a crack between the two of you. You then have a choice to heal the crack or to let it develop into a deep, dark canyon.
I do know that there are unforgivable things that cause a marriage to end without there being anything either person can do to fix them. Domestic violence (whether it be mental, emotional, or physical) is something no man or woman should have to put up with. No one should live through that. Although it is a matter of opinion, adultery isn't something that should be tolerated or overlooked in a marriage (although i do think there are times when it can be forgiven and the offending party given a second chance). Controlling ways in either spouse can be a quick downfall in a marriage if the party is not willing to work on it. All of these, and i am sure more, are legitimate reasons why a marriage can fail without ever having tried to succeed.
I heard once, i am not sure where now, that if you enter into marriage with the word divorce already in your vocabulary, and divorce as an easy out option, then you are destine to end the marriage before it has even began. I think this quote has some heavy truth to it.
In our 4 1/2 year marriage we have brought up divorce only once. I hate to even admit it really! It makes me sad to even think that we let out emotions get to the point where we believed that it was an option. It was I who brought it up. I had gotten to a point where i had a choice to make. I had to either let that crack grow or heal it over.
Finally one night as we laid down for bed i just could not hold it in any longer. I started to cry at fist over nothing then over the emotions that bubbled up inside me. Marcus confused by my sudden outburst ask what was wrong. That was all it took for me to turn into a mix of blubbering, resentful, anger and frustration.
That night i told him how frustrated i was having no help from him as far as the chores went. How i wished he would play with the kids more when he got off work so i could have an hour to breathe. How i need him to help me make decisions over bills and money rather than leaving the responsibility up to me. I poured my heart out telling him all that emotions that had been bubbling inside of me for so long.
I explained to him that i refused to be unhappy in my marriage. We either had to fix our problems or i was done. I could not force myself to put on a happy face when all was not well. Then and there as i cried in his arms i told him how much i loved him but that i felt like we were a million miles apart and drifting farther. We fell asleep that night with the promise to one another that we would work to make it better.
And we did. We work had to find time for him and I. We try to plan dates for us when we can. When we cant we spend our evenings watching movies or TV at home. He helps with what i ask him to and sometimes even does it before i have to ask. We are still working hard. We are by no means perfect. I hope to never have to bring up the word divorce ever again.
From now on we talk before it all explodes. I tell him how i am feeling and he tells me how he feels. We both roll our eyes sometimes and we both have our days where we just don't feel like trying but we give it 150 percent on days to make up for days where we may have only give 80. We are a work in progress.
So while we are on this bumpy flight of life where we know to expect anything and dismiss nothing, all we can do is trust that we will, in the end, have had calm and happy landing. The path we are on may twist and turn and we may fall off but we get up and try again each day to find our way.