The Love Dare: Day 1 Thru Day 3

I think i mentioned on here once before how i was thinking about reading and following The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick with Lawrence Kimbrough. If i didnt then consider this you notice (cause i dont really know what else to say).

I heard about this book from some fellow mommy bloggers. They talked about the movie Fireproof which features the book. I do have the movie but have yet to watch it. I must say that i didnt think there was any real problems in my marriage which probably says more than anything how ignorant and selfish i am. I just figured i would read and play along with this book for fun and see how it worked. If nothing else it wasnt like it would make my marriage worse right.

So on Saturday i started The Love Dare. Day 1 was no gentle ease into the water. It was a giant leap into a pit. Patients was the lesson of the first day and boy could i use that lesson. I didnt realize until after i read the chapter how negative i can be. I jump quickly to conclusions and if i dont get my own way i tend to beat (not physically) my opponante into submission. I can be a bit of a negative nelly or debbie downer. In other words i am a bit pesamistic. I always pick the bad in the situation to focus on and rarely the good.

This in turn leads to a lot of unneseccary fights between me and my husband. Now he is not a confrontational type of man. He would rather bend and let me have my way than fight with me. Sometimes this is great but most of the time it just enrages me even more (whats wrose than trying to fight with someone who wont fight you back). So the point of all this is to say that Day 1's lesson of paitents and dare of "Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all" was going to be a little difficult. So much for that cake walk i was looking for.

But Day 1 came and went and you know what i found? Go on take a guess!

It was simple and quite natural to be patient and postive to my husband. Yes a few times i had to bite my tounge and change my words to more kind options, and i even had to walk away once so i could calm down for a minute. But it came so easily i thought it had to be a fluke. So i went to bed happy that night and looking forward to the next dare. Thinking maybe this is a cake walk or maybe i just dont have anything in my marriage to fix.

Day 2's lesson was all about kindness and the dare was "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness". Now this got me a little. Being positive for one day proved easy but nothing negative for a second day in a row might just prove to be my downfall. It isnt that i cant be a sweet loving person but i tend to run on high octane and low water which causes me to over heat quite frequently.

So since Marcus was at work that day i decided to concentrate on the kindess act first before confronting the no negative nelly routine. Let me tell you trying to come up with an unexpected act of kindness was th easiest thing i have done by far.

See i dont do dishes...EVER! I do all the cooking so it has always been our agreement that he is to do the cleanup of the kitchen. It isnt that i am lazy (although i am) i just detest dishes. I hate the feel of the water on my hands. That gritty, suddy feel just makes me queesey. So my act of kindness was to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and do the dishes.

We had just had a BBQ on Saturday so i had quite the load to do. I finished them about an hour before Marcus got home. When he came into the kitchen and looked around he gave me a quizical look. I told him the dare for the day and how i figured the kindest thing i could do was take care of the dishes so that he wouldnt have to bother with them after being at work all day. He was pleasantly surprised and i  felt really good about it.

As far as the attitude and not being negative it went really good. I have realized that it is so much easier to speak to my husband in a kind, explaining way rather than a yelling, raging, bitchy way. He returns my attiude ten fold and we treat each other the way we want ot be treated.

Day 3 was not really accomplished in full. The Dare for the day was this "Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse somethign that says i was thinking of you today". The lesson in this was about being selfless instead of selfish. Now i would never have called my self selfish but then again who would.

After some soul serching through the day i realized i am a selfish being just as we all are. We all look for what is best for us and not nesecceraily what is best for those around us. So i did not accomplish the dare for lack of funds but i did learn a lesson and i am looking forward to the day when i can complete it in full. As for the attitude on day 3.....

It came natural to just be kind, positive, and gently! It is a stride and i still had some moments but over all it was wonderful.

So i will be back in a few days with the next few days and how they went. Hope all is well in your lives.

A Thousand Words Thursday 7

God Promises A Safe Landing, Not A Easy Flight

I saw this on a church board as we drove down the street yesterday. It seems like a simple statement but it means so much. I pondered on the words for a long time as we drove home and laid the kids down for a nap.

My flight of life has not really been easy per say. I have not experienced some of the horrible things that others have but i have experience my own trials and tribulations. I have come through a lot to get where i am today.

Although i do not attend church faithfully i do pray and i trust in God (what ever he or she may look like) to lead me in the right direction. Although the path sometimes gets twisted with our day to day life i have faith that i will be on the right path in the end.

I started this post off with a picture of my husband Marcus and I at a Valentine's Day Dance this past February. We look as happy as can be. Like nothing in the world could tear us down. And for the most part this is true. What you don't see is the blow up we had a month before this.

Marriage isn't easy! Now that has to be the understatement of the year right. Anyone who is or has been married can tell you that the melting of two separate lives together is not easy or as smooth as one would like to think. Even those who consider themselves soulmates (as my husband and I do) have a ruff road of it.

From furniture to tv shows, from cars to finances, from kids to household chores, everyone or anyone of these things can cause stress in a marriage. Things seem to rear their ugly heads at just the right time as to cause a crack between the two of you. You then have a choice to heal the crack or to let it develop into a deep, dark canyon.

I do know that there are unforgivable things that cause a marriage to end without there being anything either person can do to fix them. Domestic violence (whether it be mental, emotional, or physical) is something no man or woman should have to put up with. No one should live through that. Although it is a matter of opinion, adultery isn't something that should be tolerated or overlooked in a marriage (although i do think there are times when it can be forgiven and the offending party given a second chance). Controlling ways in either spouse can be a quick downfall in a marriage if the party is not willing to work on it. All of these, and i am sure more, are legitimate reasons why a marriage can fail without ever having tried to succeed.

I heard once, i am not sure where now, that if you enter into marriage with the word divorce already in your vocabulary, and divorce as an easy out option, then you are destine to end the marriage before it has even began. I think this quote has some heavy truth to it.

In our 4 1/2 year marriage we have brought up divorce only once. I hate to even admit it really! It makes me sad to even think that we let out emotions get to the point where we believed that it was an option. It was I who brought it up. I had gotten to a point where i had a choice to make. I had to either let that crack grow or heal it over.

Finally one night as we laid down for bed i just could not hold it in any longer. I started to cry at fist over nothing then over the emotions that bubbled up inside me. Marcus confused by my sudden outburst ask what was wrong. That was all it took for me to turn into a mix of blubbering, resentful, anger and frustration.

That night i told him how frustrated i was having no help from him as far as the chores went. How i wished he would play with the kids more when he got off work so i could have an hour to breathe. How i need him to help me make decisions over bills and money rather than leaving the responsibility up to me. I poured my heart out telling him all that emotions that had been bubbling inside of me for so long.

I explained to him that i refused to be unhappy in my marriage. We either had to fix our problems or i was done. I could not force myself to put on a happy face when all was not well. Then and there as i cried in his arms i told him how much i loved him but that i felt like we were a million miles apart and drifting farther. We fell asleep that night with the promise to one another that we would work to make it better.

And we did. We work had to find time for him and I. We try to plan dates for us when we can. When we cant we spend our evenings watching movies or TV at home. He helps with what i ask him to and sometimes even does it before i have to ask. We are still working hard. We are by no means perfect. I hope to never have to bring up the word divorce ever again.

From now on we talk before it all explodes. I tell him how i am feeling and he tells me how he feels. We both roll our eyes sometimes and we both have our days where we just don't feel like trying but we give it 150 percent on days to make up for days where we may have only give 80. We are a work in progress.

So while we are on this bumpy flight of life where we know to expect anything and dismiss nothing, all we can do is trust that we will, in the end, have had calm and happy landing. The path we are on may twist and turn and we may fall off but we get up and try again each day to find our way.

The Husband Store and More

Now i would normally never post chain mails and forwards like this but it raises a good point that i would love to talk about. So here it is and we will discuss I will discuss it a bit after.
**************************************************************
The Husband Store...

A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go
to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6
floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends
the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor
you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot
go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: "Floor 1 - These men have
jobs." The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

he second floor sign reads: "Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love
kids." The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: "Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and
are extremely good looking." "Hmmm, better." she says. "But I wonder
what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: "Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids,
are extremely good looking, and help with the housework." "Wow!" exclaims
the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again
she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: "Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me! But just think what must be awaiting me
further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: "Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to
this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as
proof that women are impossible to please."
**************************************************************
Now are we as women really this hard to make happy? Do we really always want and look for the next best thing? I was sitting here thinking about my everyday life and realized that maybe there is a bit of truth in this humor.

I know that women as a whole can sometimes be indecisive. We say one thing when we mean another, We want one thing so bad only to see something better and swear we will die without it. I get that we can be a bit hard to figure out for both men and other women. But i never thought of us as impossible to please. Difficult maybe but impossible???

I try to look into my daily life and all the things i bitch about, complain about, or roll my eyes over and ask myself if i am being difficult and impossible to please.

I constantly bitch at my husband when he cleans the kitchen because he doesn't put things back where i want them to go. Now my defense to this is that i am the main cook in the house and it makes things a pain in the butt if i have to search for stuff for 20 minutes before i can start to cook. To his defense shouldn't i just be happy that i have a husband who helps share the house work? Now this is very hard for me to admit to as i would like to think i am never wrong or out of place in my bitching. But maybe he is right! Maybe i should be grateful that i have a husband who will help out around the house and stop bitching that he isn't doing it right.

Another thing i fuss about is how he is so lax on the kids. Now i can explain this one and i know a lot of mothers can understand where i am coming from. After being a stay at home mom for 5 years i am sick of being the bad guy all the time. When he gets home from work i expect him to be the bad guy for a little while. Alas he usually is there best friend and i still end up being the bad guy. Once again to his defense...shouldn't i just be happy that i have a man who takes a great deal of interest and responsibility in his kids lives. He loves those boys more than anything else on this earth. Shouldn't i just sit back and marvel in the fact that he can spend hours playing trains with them or give them horsey rides around the living room?

Romance is another point of contention. I am one of the only women in the world who begs her husband to not buy her jewelry and expensive things. Yes you heard me right! I actually fuss at him when he buys me a necklace for our anniversary or a ring for my birthday. It isn't that i dont like it but rather i think of a million things that the money could have been used to buy that we really need. The same goes for flowers and other gifts. I am a horrible wife. Shouldnt i just appreciate the fact that i have a romantic man who loves to shower me with gifts? I need to be thankful that he remembers our anniversary and takes the time to make plans and buy me a gift.

Why cant i just be happy with all these great qualities? Why cant i just be thankful for his kind, sweet, loving, husbandly, self? Because i am a woman? I am impossible to please? Or am i just a good old bitch? So Ladies and men if there are any Gentlemen, what are your thoughts? Are you an impossible woman? Men are we impossible to make happy or do you just give up and not try hard enough be careful what you say or we will hunt you down?

Just One Of Them Days....

That a girl goes through!!!

OK now that i got that out of my system. I really don't have a lot on my mind which is confusing and relaxing all at the same time. It isn't like i shouldn't have things to think about. I have a lot that i could be thinking about or stressing about i suppose. I just haven't been worrying about stuff lately. I have given it over and let the stress go.

I have became very thankful for what i have. The bills are paid, we have a roof over our head, clothes on our backs, food in our bellies, and shoes on our feet. We cant complain about how our life is going right now. Things are not perfect but tell me who's life really is!?!

I have found a lot of humor in the last few weeks. Just finding time to laugh instead of cry has made me feel that much better about how things are moving along. Marcus and I had been doing a bit of arguing about the whole TTC issue. He said i was pushing too hard and i felt like he didn't really want to take this step in our life. When we finally talked calmly about it (and i got him to open up cause he is a man and they don't like to share emotions) we found that we both wanted this but were both nervous about the change.

To try and "take the pressure off" and relax we have been spending more time just cuddling. We are watching movies at night after the kids go to bed and holding hands more. It really is helping not only with the TTC but also with just bringing us closer than we have been in years.

Don't get me wrong we have a wonderful marriage. We hardly ever have a fight and when we do it is never a huge someone stomps out of the house and leaves too cool off fight. We just had let the "new" feeling wear off. You know what i am talking about?

The feeling you have when you first start dating and then get engaged and get married! The feeling of holding their hand and looking into their eyes to find that you have butterflies in your belly. That feeling of desire that makes you just want to go rent a hotel room for one night and spread roses on the bed. That feeling of fire that just burns every time they brush up against you. Man that is an amazing feeling.

Over the last week we have found that again! I really don't know how we lost it in the first place. Maybe it was 2 pregnancies back to back, or raising the results of those 2 back to back pregnancies. Maybe it was the fact that he works all the time and when he comes home we are so worn out that we can barley find time to talk much less hold hands and watch a movie. Maybe it was both of those combined but either way we found the cure.

Just those few hours on the couch snuggled under a blanket watching a movie. Just the feel of his arm around my shoulders and his hand clasped in mine. Just the feeling i get when he makes me laugh or looks into my eyes and smiles. He gives me butterflies again and it is amazing. We are laughing with each other and oh how i love when he makes me smile. It was one of the reasons i fell in love with him.

We are in it for the long haul and no matter what others may see when they look at us, only we know what is in our hearts. I was watching an interview Barbra Walters did with Will Smith when he said, Divorce is not an option. And since it isn't an option we better find some way to be happy together cause it is gunna be awhile" or something of that. I really like that. Cause i think people often give up too easy. Marriage is hard work! You wont always agree and you wont always win every battle, but you do have to try. You have to remember why you love this person! What made you fall so hard for them. Rekindle the fire that you had in those first years. It is hard work but so worth the end result!

OK i am done being serious for today. I have give aways comments to go fill out! Oh what now you ask? Well Mel @ A Box of Chocolates is giving away a $25 gift certificate for Created By Chel! And if you want to find more great giveaways you can always check out Bloggy Carnival!