I think i mentioned on here once before how i was thinking about reading and following The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick with Lawrence Kimbrough. If i didnt then consider this you notice (cause i dont really know what else to say).
I heard about this book from some fellow mommy bloggers. They talked about the movie Fireproof which features the book. I do have the movie but have yet to watch it. I must say that i didnt think there was any real problems in my marriage which probably says more than anything how ignorant and selfish i am. I just figured i would read and play along with this book for fun and see how it worked. If nothing else it wasnt like it would make my marriage worse right.
So on Saturday i started The Love Dare. Day 1 was no gentle ease into the water. It was a giant leap into a pit. Patients was the lesson of the first day and boy could i use that lesson. I didnt realize until after i read the chapter how negative i can be. I jump quickly to conclusions and if i dont get my own way i tend to beat (not physically) my opponante into submission. I can be a bit of a negative nelly or debbie downer. In other words i am a bit pesamistic. I always pick the bad in the situation to focus on and rarely the good.
This in turn leads to a lot of unneseccary fights between me and my husband. Now he is not a confrontational type of man. He would rather bend and let me have my way than fight with me. Sometimes this is great but most of the time it just enrages me even more (whats wrose than trying to fight with someone who wont fight you back). So the point of all this is to say that Day 1's lesson of paitents and dare of "Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all" was going to be a little difficult. So much for that cake walk i was looking for.
But Day 1 came and went and you know what i found? Go on take a guess!
It was simple and quite natural to be patient and postive to my husband. Yes a few times i had to bite my tounge and change my words to more kind options, and i even had to walk away once so i could calm down for a minute. But it came so easily i thought it had to be a fluke. So i went to bed happy that night and looking forward to the next dare. Thinking maybe this is a cake walk or maybe i just dont have anything in my marriage to fix.
Day 2's lesson was all about kindness and the dare was "In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness". Now this got me a little. Being positive for one day proved easy but nothing negative for a second day in a row might just prove to be my downfall. It isnt that i cant be a sweet loving person but i tend to run on high octane and low water which causes me to over heat quite frequently.
So since Marcus was at work that day i decided to concentrate on the kindess act first before confronting the no negative nelly routine. Let me tell you trying to come up with an unexpected act of kindness was th easiest thing i have done by far.
See i dont do dishes...EVER! I do all the cooking so it has always been our agreement that he is to do the cleanup of the kitchen. It isnt that i am lazy (although i am) i just detest dishes. I hate the feel of the water on my hands. That gritty, suddy feel just makes me queesey. So my act of kindness was to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, and do the dishes.
We had just had a BBQ on Saturday so i had quite the load to do. I finished them about an hour before Marcus got home. When he came into the kitchen and looked around he gave me a quizical look. I told him the dare for the day and how i figured the kindest thing i could do was take care of the dishes so that he wouldnt have to bother with them after being at work all day. He was pleasantly surprised and i felt really good about it.
As far as the attitude and not being negative it went really good. I have realized that it is so much easier to speak to my husband in a kind, explaining way rather than a yelling, raging, bitchy way. He returns my attiude ten fold and we treat each other the way we want ot be treated.
Day 3 was not really accomplished in full. The Dare for the day was this "Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse somethign that says i was thinking of you today". The lesson in this was about being selfless instead of selfish. Now i would never have called my self selfish but then again who would.
After some soul serching through the day i realized i am a selfish being just as we all are. We all look for what is best for us and not nesecceraily what is best for those around us. So i did not accomplish the dare for lack of funds but i did learn a lesson and i am looking forward to the day when i can complete it in full. As for the attitude on day 3.....
It came natural to just be kind, positive, and gently! It is a stride and i still had some moments but over all it was wonderful.
So i will be back in a few days with the next few days and how they went. Hope all is well in your lives.