Here lately I have been praying a lot. For a number of things. Sometimes i wonder if God thinks i am just whiny.
I have been praying for patience a lot lately. It seems i have been doing a whole lot of yelling and not enough loving. I am stressed and worried and just not in an overall great mood. The yelling only adds to the stress and bad feelings. I feel like i am spiraling into a bit of a depression. I pray for help with all of this. Most of all the patience.
I have been praying for God to help me with the bad habits i possess. Despite the many tries i am still smoking. Maybe more now then ever. It has always been a roller coaster for me. I get down to less then half a pack a day and i tell myself, "ok now is the time to quit". Then it is like my body rebels and i start smoking like a freight train again. It is a vicious circle. I don't want to smoke so i ask god to take the addiction away. To help me not want this anymore.
I spend a lot of time praying for those around me who need his help.
I have been praying a whole lot for him to guide me to what i am suppose to be doing with my life. Am i suppose to just be a mother and wife? Do i need to go back to school? Do i need to find a way to get a job? I feel so lost. I need His guidance.
Then i sit and think. Am i asking Him for too much? I don't think i am but i do think i am asking for things and then not listening to the instructions. I sometimes feel like he is showing me the way but i am just missing the turns because i am too busy trying to avoid the potholes.
Does this happen to you? I know God promises he will be there for us but he does not promise that the road we walk will be without holes and bumps. He never promised a even flat road just a solid one. Is this my problem? Am i just not doing what he is leading me to do because i am to busy trying to avoid the bumpy road?
How how i wish things were just simple. There is so much to do and never enough time to do it in. So much stress and not enough stress relievers. Too much yelling and not enough smiling. Too much! Where is the balance?
I guess i need to pray more. Listen more. Have more faith that the answer he gives is the right one.