Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Praying and Praying

Here lately I have been praying a lot. For a number of things. Sometimes i wonder if God thinks i am just whiny.

I have been praying for patience a lot lately. It seems i have been doing a whole lot of yelling and not enough loving. I am stressed and worried and just not in an overall great mood. The yelling only adds to the stress and bad feelings. I feel like i am spiraling into a bit of a depression. I pray for help with all of this. Most of all the patience.

I have been praying for God to help me with the bad habits i possess. Despite the many tries i am still smoking. Maybe more now then ever. It has always been a roller coaster for me. I get down to less then half a pack a day and i tell myself, "ok now is the time to quit". Then it is like my body rebels and i start smoking like a freight train again. It is a vicious circle. I don't want to smoke so i ask god to take the addiction away. To help me not want this anymore.

I spend a lot of time praying for those around me who need his help.

I have been praying a whole lot for him to guide me to what i am suppose to be doing with my life. Am i suppose to just be a mother and wife? Do i need to go back to school? Do i need to find a way to get a job? I feel so lost. I need His guidance.

Then i sit and think. Am i asking Him for too much? I don't think i am but i do think i am asking for things and then not listening to the instructions. I sometimes feel like he is showing me the way but i am just missing the turns because i am too busy trying to avoid the potholes.

Does this happen to you? I know God promises he will be there for us but he does not promise that the road we walk will be without holes and bumps. He never promised a even flat road just a solid one. Is this my problem? Am i just not doing what he is leading me to do because i am to busy trying to avoid the bumpy road?

How how i wish things were just simple. There is so much to do and never enough time to do it in. So much stress and not enough stress relievers. Too much yelling and not enough smiling. Too much! Where is the balance?

I guess i need to pray more. Listen more. Have more faith that the answer he gives is the right one.


Mom24 said...

{{{Hugs}}} No advice, but lots of understanding and I promise he does not think you're whiny. I believe we're supposed to turn to God, to lay our burdens on him and that he understands. Good luck. Life sure isn't easy, is it?

Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville said...

Oh man, I've been there... I am there! Someone once told me never, ever to pray for patience... because God will provide countless opportunities to practice. How true, right?

I don't think you're whiny. At all. i think it's an awesome thing to be in conversation with God about your heart. Because really, God would rather you talk to Him than not talk, you know?

I have troubles with the whole unclear path thing. Some days I feel like I'm spot on and others I feel like I'm a big mess and can't figure out where I am. There are certain passages in the Bible that really, really have helped me have perspective on my days. (I can totally absolutely email you more in depth about this if you want. If you're not interested, totally ok! Just putting it out there).

You are certainly not alone, both in human company with a lot of the rest of us moms, and with God. He's there!

Love and hugs to you!