Saturday, December 5, 2009

Sione' - 3 Weeks

Do you see this baby......

And this...................

Oh yes and this too.................

Well he makes it really hard to take any time to get on the computer. He is not a very good sleeper right now. I think he has a built in sensor that alerts him when i am sitting down at the computer or going to cook dinner.

He is up about every hour to hour and a half wanting to eat. As much as i would love nothing more than to cuddle on the couch with him all day long and nurse, my boobs and my brain, not to mention the other two little men in this house, will not stand for it.

I have felt like a horrible mom the last few days. I realized Phabian and MJ are on there own a lot through the day because of the rigorous feeding schedule we are on right now. A lot of the time i find myself telling them to go to their room, sit down, be quiet, watch TV. Oh yes i said it! The TV has been doing way too much baby sitting for the last few weeks.

I know we are adjusting and soon Sione' will sleep longer and i will have more attention to give to them but the back of what is left of my sleep deprived brain tells me i am failing in the attention department. I feel like i need to do more and sometimes i fail to realize i just had a baby 3 weeks ago.

Yes 3 weeks ago i gave birth to a handsome baby boy who is now 9lbs and growing fast. He makes me smile, and he makes me cry tears of both joy and frustration. The bottom line is that these last 3 weeks have been beautiful. If this is the last time i will ever see this sweet, wonderful stage of life i am taking every second of it in.

I gave birth 3 weeks ago and as much as i tried to rest and recover life did not slow down for me. I still had other children who needed me. Meals had to be prepared. Baths had to be given. Songs had to be sang. Kisses had to be given along with hugs at bed time. The house needs cleaned. The dishes need washed. The bills need to be paid. And before all that can be done a baby needs to be nursed, changed, rocked, and put back to sleep.

Somewhere in there i have managed to get a few hours of sleep, a shower if i am lucky and eat when i can find 30 seconds to put together a snack. Life is hectic but there are no take backs (not that i want one). I know that soon this stage will pass.

Soon Sione' will be sleeping through the night. Soon he will be toddling around. Soon he will be playing cars with his brothers. Soon he will walk out that door for his first day of school. And my heart will break a little more with each milestone that comes and goes. My boys are all growing so fast.

Phabian will start Kindergarten in the fall and MJ will be in Pre-K and soon after Sione' will turn one. And that time will be here way too fast. So i am trying to enjoy these days and not wish them away just yet.

I try to savor the smell of his tiny baby skin. Taking in deep breathes as he nurses. Taking as many pictures as i can. I take as many silent moments as i can to just stare at him while he sleeps. I try to enjoy every second of him needing me because i know all to well that this time will pass. The day will come when i am no longer his favorite person and he doesn't depend on me so wholly.

Yes that day will come all too soon. Until then you will find me sleep deprived, hopped up on new baby smell, struggling to take care of 3 boys who mean more to me than words could ever begin to describe.


Mom24 said...

That's really, really beautiful, and all too true.

Hang in there, in retrospect I promise it will seem like the blink of an eye.

TV's not so bad in the short-term. :-)

Laura McIntyre said...

He is adorable, such a handsome little man. You are a lucky woman :0

I am sorry it is so tough just now, i agree with Mum24 TV is not so bad for the next while. Get through it any way you can .
Hopefully his feeding will settle down in the next few weeks, its all new for both of you.

Shirliana said...

Courthey you'll get through this, and I know you know that. That's what being a mom is all about - and that's why babies have such special bonds with them.

I'm so proud of you. There's so many babies out there who would be so lucky to have you for a mom. :) *hugs, hugs and more hugs* to you.

Wish I could help you. I hope the nice things people say make you feel better.
Your friend,

Jen @ Rolling Through Looneyville said...

oh friend... the first few months with three (yes months) are hard, hard, hard.

you? you are in survival mode. do not even remotely feel guilty for doing things that make your life even a smidge easier. especially tv. it won't kill 'em. if anything, it'll give them some more ideas for imaginary play together.

gradually, you'll come back. you know, the mom with 8 sets of hands and eyes in the back of your head. supermom. she's in there. in fact, she's why you haven't tried to sell your kids to the gypsy yet :)

it gets better.

(and my dear goodness, I will NOT cry when sayer starts sleeping through the night. maybe from boob pain because dude, with the way he nurses at night now? he'll never quit.)