Monday, May 14, 2012

I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane....

Well not actually a jet plane. A car and a uhal is more suitable but there isn't a song that sings about that (i don't think ).

We have 48 days until our big move. Charleston, WV to Charleston, SC! And if i can be honest i am so extremely nervous and anxious about this big move.

We went down at the end of April and looked at places. We found the perfect place and jumped on it. It is an apartment in a wonderful community. They have a ton of amenities and it is going to be a great starter place for us. Plus it is only about 5-10 minutes away from my sister and 20-30 minutes from the beach. But is it going to feel like home? Can i MAKE it feel like home?

My husband has already transferred his job and starts the week after we move. I, however, am going down at the beginning of June to put in applications and look for a suitable daycare (and finalize everything with the apartment). Him already having his job in place is somewhat of a relief but still we need the second income and i am responsible for providing it. Its a stressful burden but none the less i accept it and know that it is just a necessary evil of this material world.

We are moving 471 miles away from our home. The place we were both born and raised. Our immediate family and the people who support us most when we are in a hard spot. It is terrifying to say the least. The fact of the unknown, the possibility that we can't do it, that we will fail miserably and have to move back with our heads held low is excruciating.

If you never knew this about me, i am revealing it now, i am a perfectionist and i am terrified of failure.

I have let this fear hold me back from a lot of things in life. It has crushed a lot of hopes, dreams, and possibilities, but i refuse to let it strip this dream from me. I am putting my head down and charging through the fear and on to a new and better beginning for my family. But that doesn't mean that i am not petrified.

The fear that bubbles deep down in my gut is overwhelming at times. The hows and wheres and whys of the situation is tremendous. The unknown possibilities, the never ending line of could happens, and what ifs. At times it is all a little too much.

I have a list of things a mile long that i need to be should be doing. But between work, kids, and stress it all just seems impossible to accomplish. I wish i had a step by step guide, a day by day guide of what exactly i need to accomplish. Should i start packing things up day by day? Or should i start with the sorting? Or should i just do a little of both as i go? I just don't know!

We are moving in 48 days! 6 week! 1 1/2 months! And i feel like it is approaching waaaaaaaaay to fast.

2 comments:

Mom24 said...

Good luck Courtney. I would be completely overwhelmed too. However it goes, you have nothing to be ashamed of, you're trying. That's all we can do in life, one foot in front of the other.

Sally@Enlightenment for the Sleepy said...

I know how overwhelmed you must be feeling! I'm going through something similar myself and it feels like a clock is ticking, but I'm sure it will all come together for you exactly as it should. I'll be thinking of you and checking in. Think of it as a wonderful opportunity, sending hugs your way, Sally xx