Breastfeeding 911!!!

So we are three weeks into this journey and although things have been up and down i can honestly say they are mostly up.

Well all is mostly up...just one thing is seemingly still really stressful and frustrating.

BREASTFEEDING!!!!

Now i know it is a process and i think ours has been longer and harder than most lol. First we struggled with his latching correctly. For the first week he had my nipples tore up. After a day or two of pumping my nipples healed and we were back to the breast.

His latch was doing great. Nice big mouth covering all it was suppose to...yadda yadda yadda! Even the lactation consultant said he had a perfect latch! I was thrilled to hear it.

Just when i thought we were doing good week 2 brought us a battle with thrush. So 3 days of treatment with Gentian Violet, 2 purple nipples, and a purple baby mouth later we were thrush and pain free. Back to nursing again!

Now week three and although his latch is perfect about 90% of the time my nipples are back to being tore up after a rough patch of bad latching.

I am frustrated to say the least. After 2 whole days of pain free nursing follwed by one day of struggling with latching i am so sore i cant even put him to the breast without cringing in pain. I am just at a loss for words or even actions.

How long is this going to continue? How long before he has his latch down so well that he quits tearing my nipples up? I know using the bottle on occassion has probably aided in this processes but he seems to know the difference between bottle and breast. Like i said 90% of the time he gets the latch right and it is just that 10% of the time that he doesnt that leaves me frustrated and in pain.

So help me out here! Breastfeeding mothers i call to you to help a fellow feeder!

How long did it take before your nipples were toughened up? How long did it take your baby to perfect their latch? How did you keep your baby awake long enough to make sure they were getting full (he is horrible about falling asleep after 5 mins and then waking up starving 10 mins later)? How long and how often did you feed your baby? What positions did you use? Anyone who had latch problems and torn up nipples; how did you make sure you were completely healed? Did you pump for a few days and then put baby back to breast or did you just grin and bear it?

I really need your help here! Any advice at all even if it isnt for a question i asked. I dont wanna give up trying breastfeeding but i am so frustrated with this back and for cycle. I enjoy this bonding time so much and i just feel defeated sometimes.

Please if you are not a breastfeeding mom but know someone who is, direct them my way. Maybe they can help to answer my questions.

(Yes i have talked to a lactation consultant about all of this but i just want more info from women who are going through it right now or recently went through it. More learning never hurts and i am all about having as much knowledge as possible right now.)

A Little Get To Know

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend wants to get to know her blog friends better so she has invited us to answer a few questions about ourselves. She is even throwing in a good prize for the lucky winner. I am so happy to tell her and you more about me.

1) Where are you from? I was born and raised in Charleston, WV where i still live. It is a beautiful town and although rough around the edges it is a sweet country home.

2.) How long have you been blogging? I am coming quickly upon my one year anniversary of this blog. I use to blog on Live Journal years ago when i was a teen but eventually fell out of it. I also use to blog on my MySpace but didn't find it as enjoyable.

3) Married? single? how long? I have been happily married going on 5 years in November! I can not imagine being much more happy. He truly is the love of my life even if we do have our fights lol.

4.) Just one of your FAVORITE Blogs? Besides Grammy Girlfriend i would have to say Steph @ Adventures in Babywearing

5.) Your favorite thing to do when you have a FREE day? Hang out with my boys and if i don't have my boys any piece and quiet is accepted.

6.) Any kids? grandkids? what are there names and what ages?I have 2 boys and another on the way. Phabian is my eldest at 4. MJ is my baby (and always will be) at 3. Sione, my little bug, is due November 11th.

7.) Your favorite restaurant? OH MY WORD!!!! That is a hard one lol. Did i mention i am pregnant so all food is my favorite. If i had to pick one i probably would say Hibachi's Japanese Steak House. It is kinda like Benni Hanna's.

8.) What is your favorite TV show? Once again so hard. It i had to pick one i could not live with out it would probably be Grey's Anatomy. I am a hard core addict and can not wait for the new season to start!

9.) What is the thing you wish you were more disciplined in? I wish i wasn't such a procrastinator as that affects everything in my life. I always have a list of things that need to get done but it always seems to get longer and never any shorter.

10.) Where is your FAVORITE place to vacation? We go to Orlando, FL every year. I have family who lives in Winter Haven so we spend 2 weeks with them a year and usually partake in the multiple activities that surround the area (Disney, Sea World, Beaches, Universal).

Needing...Wanting An Answer

Ok so i am really becoming anxious about these results. I want them to be here today. I know it has only been a little over a week and they said 2 to 3 weeks but i want to know now.

Ok for those who don't know what is going on allow me to explain. When i first started dating my husband he told me that there was a girl who was pregnant and there was a possibility that it was his baby. I accepted that and we moved on. When she had the baby in August of 04 he asked to take a paternity test. She said there was no need. That someone had already been proven the father. I was hesitant to except that answer but we went on with life. Now we have 2 little boys of our own and a well put together life.

About a month ago she contacted my husband to take a paternity test (yes 4 years later). We told her that would be fine but only through the Child Support Office. She was reluctant to do that at first but finally she called them and they allowed her to drop the case against another man (who was her b/f at the time she got pregnant) and file one against my husband. Up to this point i was handling everything fine. I was thinking the process would take about 3 months or longer. Apparently i was wrong. They have implemented a new system for the paternity testing and now it takes 2 to 3 weeks to get the results.

They took the paternity test Friday, Sept. 12. They said it would be 2 to 3 weeks before we received the results. I was in shock. I was not ready for an answer that quickly. Now i have made it past that point and i want an answer now. I don't like the feeling of my life hanging in the balance. I have a million questions that need answers and they all revolve around what this paternity test says.

Hubby could call and get the results but he has been avoiding it all together. The actually have the results after about a week and if you call and they have them they will allow you to come pick them up instead of waiting on them to mail them out. Hubby doesn't wanna call. He isn't ready to know the truth. He wants to wait on the results to just show up. I cant handle the wait. I want the answer now. I need to know what path our life is going to take. I need to know what to prepare for.

I have all these questions going through my head. They all revolve around if he is his father. Will my kids be able to accept sharing their daddy with a new brother? Will i be able to accept the responsibility of being a step mother to a special needs child (He had a stroke when he was born and it cause damage to his brain. He is 4 with the mental capacity of a 2 year old. If he has another stroke he could be in a vegetative state.)? Is our love strong enough to survive the stress of a child this is his but not mine? What kind of impact will this have on our family in general? I have so many worries about this, but i need to have an answer to go off of.

If he is his father than we will handle it and if he isn't than we can go on with our life and forget about this situation. I just need to know. I need an answer. I need the results. I am sick of waiting. I just want this to be over.

First Day Of School

So today is the day. Phabian is at school and MJ and I are at home. It is so awkward for me to only have one child here with me but i know he is in good hands.

We left the house at 7:15 this morning. We walked to my MIL's house and waited til about 7:30 to walk over to the school. We got there early and waited in the waiting area. At 5 til 8 they took my baby in the room. He didn't even say goodbye at first. I had to call him back to give me a hug and kiss and to tell him to be good and that i would be back at 11:30 to pick him up. He could have cared less. MJ on the other hand had a fit. He was so upset that bubby was gone. He wanted to go with him. It was so sad to watch my baby MJ cry over his bubby. We returned home and now we are chilling together just me and him. Well right now he is watching Handy Manny and drawing me a picture and i am, well, i am writing this blog.

Here are a few pictures from this morning and drop off.

I love this shirt: Holding out for chocolate milk!

Gotta love the fake cheese lol

Granny with Phabian in the waiting room.

Another one...he was so excited that Granny walked him to school.

I am still in disbelief that my first born son is even old enough to go to school, but i guess you blink and time flies by. I only shed a few tears this morning only because he wasn't even going to tell me goodbye. I mean when did he get to be so big that he didn't need to tell mommy bye. He is so confident and so happy about this experience where i am still a little anxious and apprehensive about it. I trust the teachers to take care of him but he is my baby. No one will ever care for him the way i do and even though it is only 3 1/2 hours a day that is still longer than he has ever been away before (besides at family's homes). I know i will adjust and MJ and i will begin to enjoy this time together but right now i am a little sad about it. He grew up too fast and next year MJ will be gone too. It is just so hard to let go even if they are ready to go.

It make me wonder how many moms they have drop off a kid and then come back an hour later in tears not ready to let their baby grow up. That's kind of how i feel. I just wanna run back and get him and say no its not time for him to grow up yet. He is too little to be in school doing work and learning letters. He is still just a baby in my eyes. I still remember bringing him home from the hospital. When and how did this happen? When did he get so big? How did i miss it? These are all the questions and more running through my head.

Well all i hope everyone is having a good day and i will update more about how his day went later when he gets home and we talk about it.