Fall, Autumn, Harvest, Autumnal Equinox...

What ever you call it, it means the same thing. I personally like the word Autumn just because it makes me feel all warm inside! It tis my favorite season!

When i think of Fall a lot of memories pop out in my head from my childhood.

One of my favorite parts of Autumn is the food. It is all centered around keeping us full and warm. It provides us with comfort when days can become drawn out and dreary.

I have distinct memories of my Mom filling our house with the smell of yummy, stomach stretching meals. Usually followed by some sort of warm dessert.

One of my favorites has to be beef roast (always done in the oven cause that is how my Mama rolled {and it kept the lower level of our house warm lol}) with potatoes, carrots, onions, and a thick brown gravy always made from the drippings. Usually by the end of summer/beginning of fall there was some kind of cobbler to be made and served to already stuffed tummies. My favorite will always and forever be my Mom's peach cobbler.

I would have walked (and still would) a mile in knee high snow for this meal. There was something about it that just made me feel at home and comforted. Of all the things my mom cooked, these dishes are ones i wish i would have paid more attention to, and learned how to cook them for myself.

Autumn to me also means family. One of the biggest and most family oriented holidays fall in the Autumn. That's right people i speak of Turkey Day/Thanksgiving!

Although when most people think of this specific holiday they think mostly about food I always loved the family aspect of it. I love that the food is just what brings us all together. I could go into why we celebrate this holiday and why we gather together for it but i wont. I am sure we all went to school at some point and time and remember the story of the Pilgrims and the Indians. I am sure we all recognize the the Autumn season is the season of harvests. Hence the food and the gathering together to be thankful for a crop.

As i have said before i married into a large family. Holidays are always crazy for us. Thanksgiving is especially crazy. Usually i cook a small meal for the kids, Marcus, and I in the early afternoon because we don't eat with his family till evening. It is a day where we are well fed and much loved.

There is always a football game on that needs to be watched as well as the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (that i think only stands to remind us that Christmas is now just around the corner). There is usually a mid day nap taken because you must digest all this food before pigging out again. Then comes the big family gathering. Thirty plus people usually shoved into a small house or building chowing down and filling themselves with warm food and good fellowship.

This Fall brings a new joy for us. This Autumn will not be like any other Autumn. This year we will be adding a new member to our family. We will have one more thing to warm our hearts and fill our souls with joy.

Little Sione' is due to arrive 15 days before Thanksgiving, 3 days before our 5th wedding anniversary. Although i know that he may not attend his first large family gathering, and i know i will miss being there for it, i also know that nothing could be more joyful and make me more thankful than adding this beautiful baby boy to our family.

Yes Fall is my favorite season for many, many reasons. Food, Football, Friends, Fellowship, and most of all Family! The 5 F's of Fall!!!

Go Steelers WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

Ok so as previously stated in other posts i am a HUGE football fan. So just like millions of other Americans, February 1st is a day when we all enjoy good food, good friends, and GREAT football.

Today we wont be having a party or at least not to my knowledge but friends are always welcome! We will however be cooking on the grill and enjoying what should be a great game! My husband went to the store last night and bought 2 slabs of ribs which makes me think that maybe we are expecting company that i don't know about. He bough stuff to make his yummy spicy peach BBQ sauce. We have charcoal and a grill. Today is going to be rockin!

The weather has let up and the sun is shinning. It is going to be about mid 50's today which makes for perfect grilling weather (and football weather also). I will probably make some collard greens, mac-n-cheese, and salad to accompany the ribs. We will have my buffalo chicken dip, Maggie's Salsa, and Maggie's Queso for snacks. Only thing left to get is some beer for hubby and some soda for me! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do i sound excited? I really am!!! My Pittsburgh Steelers are facing off against the Arizona Cardinals!!!!!!! Now i have every bit of faith that my #1 ranked defense (including my lovely Troy Polamalu) can hold off the Cardinals offense! Where i get a little shakey is my faith in Big Ben! I love the guy but he hasnt had the best season. We are ranked 17th (206.3 Avg) in passing yards where as the Caridinals are ranked 2nd (292.1 Avg). We crush them though with out rushing years on average getting 105.6 to their 73.6. It should be an interesting game.

I really was hoping to see Eagles vs Steelers to have a Pennsylvania showdown of sorts but apparently Donovan McNabb lost his mind in the last playoff game of the season (or you could say his catch up game, which usually works for him, failed at the last minute). What worries me even more is the fact that Arizona is the underdog! We all know the underdog is powerful! When you have nothing to lose you just go out there and play ball!

I like to compare it to the WVU Fiesta Bowl Game in 2008 where they whooped Oklahoma. No one though WVU had a chance in that game and we turned that in our favor. We came out and played like nobody's business. It is fun to play ball when you dont have anything to lose, and Arizona doesn't.

So like many others today i will be picking my side (Go Steelers!!!) and parking it in front of the TV to cheer them on! The last game of the season and i am going to enjoy it! Then i will do what i always do and paitently wait till next season rolls around so i can pray that my Raiders may make a comeback and if they dont i can cheer on the Steelers who will hopefully be the reigning Super Bowl XLIII Champs!!!!!!!!

I Have Been Blessed

Blessed by: Martina McBride

I get kissed by the sun each morning

Put my feet on a hardwood floor

I get to hear my children laughing

Down the hall through the bedroom door

Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing

Just soaking up the day

I think to myself, I think to myself

This world is a beautiful place

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed
******

Across a crowded room

I know you know what I'm thinking

By the way I look at you

And when we're lying in the quiet

And no words have to be said

I think to myself, I think to myself

This love is a beautiful gift

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

******

When I'm singing my kids to sleep

When I feel you holding me

I know

******

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones that love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

I love this song. It has been stuck in my head for days now. I guess with Thanksgiving coming up fast and Christmas approaching even faster i have been counting my blessings. I have so so much to be thankful for.

I have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. Even when that means i am a not so great wife he still loves me. He is always there to pick me up when i am not feeling my best and he makes my heart smile when he gives me that look. Everyday i fall more and more in love with this man. He is a hard worker and would do what ever it took to make sure his family has what it needs. He always puts himself last and never ask questions. I don't know what i would do or be without him. He truly is my other half.

Then i have my first born son. I knew from the moment i saw him that my world would never be the same again. This child has more personality than i have ever seen in such a small body. He always is laughing and even when he is sick has a joke or a smile to give. We have our bad days and our good but that is because we are too much a like. He is a mini me if i could have ever imagined one. He is so smart and sweet. He loves to learn and loves to be active.

Then there is my baby. He is always grins and giggles but with a much more serious undertone. He is my strong and silent lil man. Just like his daddy, looks and all. My favorite thing about this precious lil boy is his love of cuddling. When i hurt my back last fall he loved crawling in the bed with me and cuddling for hours. He is a avid cars lover and loves nothing more than to roll his cars over any surface he can reach.

I cannot wait to see how these two little boys grow and develop. They are so intelligent and figure things out so quickly. They both know how to work mommy and daddy (and an entire room for that matter) to a T. These boys (all three of them) have made my life an amazing blessing. They love me and protect me and make me feel like a million dollars everyday. They are my world and i couldn't have ask for more. I have been given the blessing of a life time. I have a truly magical family of my own and through bad and good we love one another. What more could you want.

....... Thats How I Feel Today

My head is just blank. It has been all day. I cant think straight. Even as i sit here writing this i have a gazillion thoughts all jumbled in my head making it very hard for me to get anything out. I hate when i get like this. I don't really know what it is but i hate it. It is almost like some weird for of ADD or ADHD brought on by stress or anxiety. I have been stressed lately and defiantly not feeling my best.

There seems to be a lot of death happening in my life. Ever time i turn around it seems that someone else has passed away and i just don't know how to deal with it. My mind doesn't comprehend death. I know that everyone says to trust in God and i do but i just don't understand his reasoning. I don't understand how making a mother suffer through a pregnancy knowing her baby will not live helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a mother from her 15 year old child helps anyone! I don't understand how taking a father from his 2 year old son helps anyone! I question these thing and at the same time i know there is a good reason behind it.

My heart and my head hurt right now. I am 22 years old and i have witnessed so much death. I know it is part of life and that is how it works. The minute we are born we start to die. I just don't know how to deal with it. My emotional growth and my ability to comprehend death stops at 15. I revert back into a shell and don't know what to say or do. I feel like i just want to sit in a corner and watch from afar. I don't like funerals or burials. Its not that i don't respect the process but it is hard to say goodbye even to those i didn't know very well. I have to learn...i have to grow...i have to get past this.

I know i need counseling. I do and i know it. I have for a long time. I never saw anyone after my mom died and that is also when i stopped taking the meds that i was on for prior depression. I know i need to talk to someone. I need to seek help. I am not suicidal or anything don't get me wrong i just need to vent. I need to scream at someone and let it all out. I am so tired of being the leaning post for everyone and me having no one to lean on myself. I get tired of having to lean on the same 2 people all the time as i know they are probably tired of it too. I feel like i could just snap and lose it sometimes. My head swims with thoughts and questions. Most of them surround death and my mother and why. I need to be fixed.

I know this is a very raw and emotional post. I hope no one gets scared and runs away lol. I just needed to vent it out on paper (well on screen lol) and get it all out of me before i burst. I feel a little better now but this feeling of heaviness on my chest just isn't letting up. You know that feeling when you are trying not to cry and it makes your chest feel tight and heavy...yea...thats it. I need a hot bubble bath, a cup of hot tea, and a good book...yea...that will help!

New Member of the Family

Well we have a new member of the family. It was very unintentional. This beautiful cat has been hanging around my house for the past week. She looks to be in good health. Very shiny coat not skinny. She is also very friendly. She will come to me and let me pet her. She played with the kids the other day on the porch. Well yesterday we gave her some milk and ham and the kids let her in the house. I freaked out and ran her out. Well tonight she came back and apparently now we have adopted her. She comes and goes as she pleases since she is obviously not a house cat. She will come in for a few hours at a time and then sweetly go to the door and sit till you let her out. This works for me. The kids love her and Phabian named her Sophie. So we will see where this goes but in the mean time here is some pics.


She is beautiful. I always said i never wanted another cat but i guess we can see how this relationship works out. She doesn't like to be inside for a long time so she comes in to eat what we give her and rest (when the kids allow) and then she goes to the door and we let her out. She returns when ever she feels like it. I think i can live with a mostly outdoor cat. She is MJ's new bestest friend. He cries when she wants out and chases her when she come in. Poor cat didn't know what she got herself into.

Trick or Treat

So here is some pictures from tonight. They had a blast and got lots and lots of goodies. Phabian and MJ were doctors and Chelsie's (Daytime Drama of Mine) girls Jayden and Jaylain were a Fairy Princess and a Cat! WE had fun but man am i exhausted.

Random Words

Ok so no real one thing to blog about. I just felt like writing so i thought i would go into one of my random writing sessions while the kids are watching a movie.

I had a weird day yesterday. Some good follow by some bad and back to some more good. My husband woke my up at 6am yesterday before he left for work to tell me that Phabian was asleep on the couch. Phabian had woken up at 4am complaining that his tummy was hurting. He seemed fine when he woke me up at 8am lol.

At about 9 am i made my very first eBay purchase. I bought a set of slightly used books for the boys. They are the hard back Disney books. There are six of them including: The Fox and the Hounds, Whinnie the Pooh, Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, and some other. They are 95 pgs. long and chronicle the whole movie. These books usually cost about 20 dollars a piece. With S&H i payed $8.50; $3.50 for the books and $5.00 for S&H. I think it was a great deal and i am sure the kids will just love them.

How ever this was followed by a few bad events. My washer almost caught fire. I am not sure how this happened. I cleaned my entire house yesterday and when i finished i went and started a load of towels. When they almost finished spinning i went in to check and when i opened the door the room was filled with a light smoke. No fire anywhere just smoke. So i immediately stopped the washer. I was too afraid at the time to start the dryer so i just hung them to dry around the house.

Then i had a friend and her daughter come over for a bit today. It was nice to have someone to chat with while the kids played. We have been having toilet problems (IE the potty doesn't want to flush and you have to watch after you flush to make sure it doesn't overflow) lately and i wasn't thinking to check the bathroom after Dayle came out. Then Phabian went to the bathroom and started screaming that the floor was wet. Sure enough the potty overflowed and my whole floor was soaked. So much for my clean towels right lol.

But i ended the evening on a good not. I won a Wow Wow Wubbzy give away over at http://www.5minutesforbooks.com/. It is a book and DVD set and i won...YAY!!!! The kids love Wow Wow and so i just know they will have a ball with the books and DVD. I am the girl who never wins anything so to win and auction on eBay and a giveaway in one day was amazing. I was just so dang excited about it.

Also as a reminder. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please remind anyone who has a history of the disease in their family or who is in the right age range to get their mammograms done. It seems like an annoying thing to do but it could very well save your life. My MIL is a breast cancer survivor and i must say i am proud to have a strong woman like her in my life. We owe these fighters and those who bravely stared this in the face and lost a cure for this disease. We need better technology and better testing. We need better meds. and better treatments. If you do nothing else this month, when you are doing your grocery shopping and see an item that you need, and the item beside it (which isn't your normal brand) has a Pink Ribbon on it...buy that one instead. This usually means they are donating some of their profits to The Susan G Komen foundation and it is one way we can all make a difference. Even if you don't know someone with Breast Cancer or some one who survived it you still need to help. Those who have daughter who might need the technology, meds., and support in the future and those who might need it in there immediate future will thank you. Cancer is not racist, sexist (yes breast cancer can affect men also), bias, or discriminatory in anyway. It could hit any of us at anytime. Take the time to do what you can. Go pink this month!!!

Life Is Like a...

I bet most of you can finish that quote for me. It really seems to be true here lately. No matter how hard you try it seems you never know what day to day life will bring. Most of you that know me from my parenting group and in day to day life know what is going on with me and my family right now. You know that things are a bit confusing but hopefully that will work itself out soon. That isn't what i am choosing to blog about today. As a matter of fact i am trying to put that as far out of my mind as possible.

I just haven't felt right for days now but today i am seemingly on a uphill run. i didn't get much sleep last night but i woke up this morning a felt great. Marcus went to work at 7 and MJ and I walked Phabian to school at 8. We came home and had some fun. We played a game on the computer with a monkey (which he loves). We were going to bake cookies but decided to wait on Phabian to get home to do that. I have been smiling a lot today. It feels good to be able to smile.

At this point in my life where i am a proud mother to two handsome boys and a wife to a loving husband i feel like the only other thing i have to brag about it the great friends i have. Most of them being in my Yahoo Parenting group. I have been with these ladies for almost 3 years (some of them longer since they were in another group i was in). They really have became part of my reality. I talk to them daily as i do my real life friends. I express my sympathy if they are going through problems as they do to me also. Some days they truly are my sanity and the only ones who will understand what i am feeling. Without these ladies i don't know if i could make it through some days without breaking down.

That is what friendship is all about. Helping each other through the good and the bad. Being there even if it means just lending an open ear. Giving input when you have BTDT and have some advice to help. I truly am blessed with some of the best friends anyone could have. Even in they are miles away these friends have never judged me and they have always been there. I love ya girls.

I am also blessed with another best friend, a sister, who i love with all my heart and would do anything for. We have had our good and bad times with each other, and we have been through it all together. When things seem to grave to overcome we life each other up so that we can go just one step further. She is a rock for me and i for her. There is nothing in this world i wouldn't do to make her life just a tad happier (well except maybe leave my husband and hurt my kids lol). She is the best, most real, and most honest friend one could ever ask for. I love you Chels.

My husband is also my best friend. He is and always has been a constant pillar for me to lean on when i am weak. I love him and i do not know what my life would be without him in it. I admire how we have been together for 4 years and married for almost 4 and we barley even fight. I love that he can still make me crack and smile or dare i say even laugh when i am so furious i could cry. He is truly the man of my dreams and he will always be my king.

So i feel with all the family and all my friends i am truly blessed. I know that no matter how bad it gets i will always be able to make it through with the help of these amazing people. They each have individual characteristics that make them the most wonderful people that anyone could ask for. Thank you for everything. Everyone of you has touched my life.

Regatta '08

The first ride. A spaceship that went up and down and round and round.

A close up of their smiling faces on the spaceship.

Phabian went directly to the tanker when we entered the Car ride.

MJ went straight for the bus.

Then we moved on to the bouncy blow up slide.

Phabian flipped down the slide over and over.

MJ rolled over and over and over lol.

Then they took Mommy for a ride (Driving Miss Courtney).

All aboard the bus for one last ride.

We had a blast. The kids laughed and had fun and Marcus and I had fun watching them. There is nothing like that first ride and catching the smile and waving as they fly past you. My boys are growing up to be so brave and so big. It is so bittersweet. I am glad we had this day together. It made my heart warm to see my family together having fun...not a worry in the world.